As I write this, I have a horrible, horrible headache but I know that lying down or just wrapping myself in a blanket to fall asleep is not an option. I’m after all the working mom. My choice, of course. I still have a hundred different things to take care of before I can even think of lying down. I guess it’s not that different for most moms- working, homemakers or working from home – because let’s face it all moms are working moms just their areas differ. No offence to dads, of course, but we do more work than you, most of it unpaid and that’s a fact. Yes, because somehow being a mom means juggling like a pro with no option to quit.
So, with my body urging me to sleep the only way I can ignore it while waiting for another meeting is to write (you may read rant!). And today it’s going to be about all the problems faced by working moms, which is probably every mom with a little change here and there.
Being a mom means juggling like a pro with no option to quit.
16 Problems Faced by Working Moms
Systemic apathy. One of the biggest problems faced by working moms is that policies of inclusion by employers are just restricted to pdfs. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that no matter how hard you work, the policies are such that they will make you question your decision to continue working after motherhood at every few days.
Shallow Mindsets. The moment one identifies herself as a mom in a workplace, as someone who comes early and leaves on time to balance home and work, she is tagged as a dispensable commodity. This might make you think about the recent video of an IT employee who is mocked for leaving early. Well, it’s as authentic as it gets.
The moment you ask for hikes or promotions they will start talking about your average hours or that you leave early even if you do all your work in much less time. You just cannot win. Well, most times you cannot win.
Being a working mom, in most cases means that you will be working a second job out of the house apart from taking care of all the things that a woman normally takes care of at home. Yes, you are basically working two jobs and being paid for just one. And not too well either.
You miss out on a number of things because there are only 24 hours in a day and there is only so much you can do.
You probably have a working lunch to make up for the tight schedule that you are always trying to adhere to.
You hardly ever have the luxury to leave work without having to immediately start with your second set of responsibilities. Let’s just say going home to just have your dinner and play with your kid is out of the question if you do not have in-laws or parents stepping in for you. And since I firmly believe not to bog down my parents with taking care of my child at this age, I get bogged down myself. No matter how many helps you hire, it’s you who’ll be taking and juggling every single thing.
You also probably have to restart your careers from scratch post your maternity break or your pre-motherhood experience will be made more or less irrelevant because apparently being a mother dumbs you down. Yes, why else would employers think so?
Every day is a battle to stay relevant and not get overlooked.
Your mornings will start before everyone else and your nights will end after everyone else.
You are paid much less than a man with the same experience.
There will not always be a daycare that will fit your needs.
But a good daycare will be your lifesaver.
You’ll always be in two minds about leaving your kid at a daycare to pursue your career. The guilt will always stay irrespective of all rationale.
You’ll be judged by fellow moms for apparently ‘choosing career over your kid’. This is the most unfortunate of it all.
You’ll always have a shortage of leaves because most of your leaves will be for your kids. You’ll probably end up dragging yourself to work when you are sick.
16 Problems Faced By Working Moms. Read here. #WorkingMoms Share on X
Well, for now, I think these will do. The fact is being a mom and holding on to your career is extremely tough. So many women bow out of the race because how much can an individual fight against? This is not a fight which can be fought alone. There are days when I feel disgusted thinking about the conversations I have to have with people trying to prove my worth. Or, when any discussion about my progress veers towards how accommodating they are being by letting me leave ‘early’ or manage ‘being a mom’ while working. That’s why I say, it ain’t easy.
This society is made up in such a way so as to stifle every woman out of the workforce or to make them irrelevant. And I don’t say it lightly, Every day is a fight. And I don’t know how long I can go on.
Question is, how long can I fight this fight? Question is, is there any use of fighting at all because this clearly isn’t something I can change even for myself? Is it even worth it? Question is, what are you doing to support women so that every day at work for them is not a fight to stay relevant and be valued? This #FeministMonday, think about these.
***
This post is part of the #FeministMondays series (previously called #IAmAFeminist series) on the blog. Inspired by a TEDx talk by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie – We Should All Be Feminists, I intend to talk about the need for feminism through my posts, posts on my experience and observation as a female. I intend to talk about issues concerning women.
Join me and let’s work towards a world of gender parity. Remember, each voice counts. Tell me your story.
***
I agree with every word you write. It is tough beyond imagination. I have held many full time jobs and I remember feeling overwhelmed and overworked. Like you said, we do two jobs while being paid for one. And the constant judgment gets to you. The way work is structured, working moms have a clear disadvantage. I wonder when and how these discrepancies will be addressed.
Oh I feel for you Naba. The one thing I dread the most is falling ill. Because your tasks are yours and you have to get them done no matter what. I was recently reading this article that said a lot of Indian women do not want to work because no matter what household chores are always more of their responsibility. https://www.livemint.com/Money/wO2YtuIGogatn8N1DQvEIP/Why-Indian-women-dont-want-to-work.html
And then to deal with work pressures and to continuously be perceived as someone who is giving her hundred percent, when actually you might be giving twice that much of yourself! It’s truly is hard.
Obsessivemom recently posted…Man maketh the clothes #MondayMusings
I have such respect for working moms! It is a hard job being a mom in itself but to juggle both??! Amazing! Kudos to you!
A very real thing you have mentioned here. I have experienced most of it and ended up with leaving career for home. Today too women are struggling to make their identity in professional area. Once a woman become mother, she is considered as non fit candidate for most of the challenging projects at work place. You are right, we don’t know when things going to be better for us.
I could imagine it would be incredibly challenging to work as a mum. It seems like there are so many pressures placed on women today. Men basically can do the bare minimum for their children and are highly praised. Women sneeze the wrong way around their children and the whole world is condemning their actions.
Well, I have read through every point of it and it’s actually sad some people still have the mentality of “More Work Hours means more productivity” even science has proven that this is not the case. I remember, even my mom did the hard work but I am glad she didn’t get to face all of these.but still she had to do more work just to prove. But I always respect my mother and even appreciate it in my own way. I hope this issue gets addressed and be fair to every employee.
This is sad, but true. They endure so much for us, and still get so less appreciation. Hope, things change soon for the betterment of them.
I never thought there were so many issues working moms are facing if they choose to be a mom and have a career as well. I remember when I was little my mother was away most of the day, working, and when she came home she started doing work at home, for me and my sister. Weekends were always for cleaning, cooking and doing the laundry.
As a non-parent and a woman, I still could relate to so many of these problems. As women, we have to deal with so much anyway and why don’t people make it easier for us instead of judging and annoying us.
Soumya recently posted…#FeministMondays | Default Skills And Characteristics
I totally relate to you. I am a workoholic and I won’t ever be able to leave my work. I understand how tough it’s for you, more power to your love.
You made some good points in here. I don’t have kids and that’s mostly because of the issues you mentioned in your post. I guess that’s a bit selfish of me but am not ready to give up my freedoms of sleep till lunch on a Saturday
I agree that working mums often struggle. You’ve got so much to deal with at home, and people at work can be so judgy and difficult. But I’d keep the fight until I win to get what I want!
As a non parent and woman, I can relate to some of the problems. But, I want to bring a different perspective here. I am sure most of you have already done that so no offense. Parenting is a shared responsibility and that begins from our own homes. It can help in two ways. You will share the load with your partner and you will also be a catalyst for change in society. Your partner will have more empathy for other working parents (especially moms).
And the late staying at work culture has to go away and trust me it will, one day. We need managers who also believe in work life balance. As interviewees, we should be asking such questions in interviews, perhaps.
I bet this is tough! I’m able to work from home, so it makes things easier.
Amber Myers recently posted…4 Tips To Get A Tween To Wake Up
This is so relatable because it is the sad reality of a mother’s life. Every mother is struggling to balance her life and work because the society and surroundings are watching her through a prejudiced mindset. A small slip here and they will all go blaming her for everything in the world.
This is so true. I can’t agree enough to this. Working moms are always let down due to choosing money over kids. It’s very hard when you live in a society with narrow minded people. A working mom deserves the right to be understood by everyone.
Reading your story gives me more understanding of Mommas struggle. Thank you for opening up.
Totally agree with you that being a mom and having a career at the work place is never easy. 48 hours a day is not even enough, may be 72 hours… 🙂
I read just a few first lines and I was glued to read the post till the end. Awesome job.
A working mom really needs to juggle all her tasks at home and at work, and being a wife to his husband. Things are really complicated but worth it.
This is an in-depth perspective, I recognize the struggle of my mother in this. We lost dad out of the blue when I was 3 and she never stopped worrying and over-working after that. And with such a sacrifice from her, I’m really scared of having my own child, I feel like I could never match that dedication to somebody else’s future. It takes so much courage.
I have respect for moms but working moms even more! They are definitely faced with a different kind of situation and always make the best of it as well as continue to be amazing mothers.
One of the biggest challenges I faced when working outside the home was the mom guilt and this was followed closely by sheer exhaustion. So I can relate to a lot of what you say.
I chose to step back for the sake of my health but I know that’s not a choice many woman can/should take. The systemic apathy and the sharing of work load MUST change if we are to have any hope for women of the future. At this point, I can only hope. Let’s see.
Shailaja Vishwanath recently posted…Are you happy?
True true true. How your words ring true. But let me tell you that as a mother you face an uphill task every day, working or otherwise. The only plus of a working mom is the salary at the end of the day. As a SAHM who has worked every day of her life as a tour operator, freelance writer, PTA vounteer, fund manager for all the members of my family, cook, driver, laundry woman, party organiser, holiday planner, wedding planner, photographer, secretary, tuition teacher and now full time baby sitter and all for FREE let me tell you that a working mother at least has a place to go to where she has her own identity and is paid for her labour.
Of course I have no regrets about not working and my remuneration is not in hard currency but I insist that my daughters have a career as well as children because at the end of the day, there is nothing like a pay check that acknowledges your labour.