Last year I had written about 20 lessons as a working mom after being one for 2 years. 2019. Another year has passed and now I think it’s time for another set of lessons. Don’t you agree?

It’s been 3 years since I have come back to work after a maternity leave of 7 months. 3 years since I have been working in 2 shifts, one as a mom and one as a woman who holds a salaried job. And let me just say as honestly as possible it hasn’t been easy at all. But now that I look back at these 3 years, I can’t help but feel proud about not giving up in the face of difficulties. I wish I didn’t have to try and be this superwoman daily but who am I kidding? It will take ages before women can shed that weight. I could have taken the easier way out but I didn’t. Honestly, it was more for myself than for anybody else so I’m happy I survived this long through this crazy schedule. Of course, with M starting school this month, I don’t know how things are going to pan out. But still, 3 years is a long time to have kept going so I can be a little proud of what I have done, I think? I might not have much to show for it in terms of accomplishments but I think raising a kid while holding on to a job deserves some accolades, if not much.

Now, becoming a mother comes without any handbook. I mean sure there are lots of people giving suggestions and a lot of blogs but each experience is different. There is no set formula. You need to find what works for you and it constantly keeps evolving. There is no acing this mommy game. You keep working and some days just turn out to be a little better than the rest. But there are certainly some things that I have learnt and even unlearned in these past 3 years. And I thought why not put it down for everyone to read. If nothing else, I can come back to this post each year to see what has changed?

I might not have much to show for it in terms of accomplishments but I think raising a kid while holding on to a job deserves some accolades, if not much.

So, here are some of my learnings from 3 years of being a working mom with a job because let’s face it every mom is a working mom.

20 Lessons as a working mom

You’ll be working in 2 shifts from the start – being the mom at home and your regular employed self at work.

As you walk into work each morning, you would have accomplished more than your male colleague at that point in time of the day because what would be his start to the day would inevitably be the start of a new shift for you. 

You will most probably miss team dinners because that will always inevitably clash with your second shift as a mom.

Bribery will go a long way in getting your kid to have dinner soon while you battle exhaustion after a long day at work. Now, the bribery could be something like telling your 3-year-old that you would send her apples for snacks if she doesn’t finish her dinner. Every such bribe works like a charm, at least thrice, trust me!

From being a pregnant woman who had pledged not to resort to devices when it comes to keeping your kids occupied you will be the mom who will look towards devices to let you have some downtime. Trust me, no judgements there. We live in a different era now. It’s not the same it was 10 years back.

You will learn to take disappointments at work in your stride because when every day is anyway a battle to get things done and to be taken seriously, you don’t want to wage another at work unless it just cannot be avoided. Perhaps, being a working mom will teach you to pick your battles very, very carefully.

You will feel like you are a failure as a mom but that’s not even close to the truth. But that feeling won’t go away.

You will not feel guilty about leaving your kid at the daycare because let’s face it that’s the only time you can be you without being pulled in 10 different directions. But you will feel guilty for not feeling guilty!

The only way to make time for you and your partner will be to bunk office with your child at the daycare. It might seem heartless but trust me kids won’t know whether you are at work or at the cinemas as long as you pick them up on time! And it certainly doesn’t mean you don’t love your child.

You will choose to sleep over salon appointments on any given day.

Every month when your salary gets credited you will feel good about all the struggles. Though of course, you will always wish you are paid more but being paid is better than not being paid at all. 

Your kid will still love you as much as a kid loves his or her mother who is a homemaker. Yes, contrary to what will always be insinuated.

You will realise that you don’t need to always engage in activities with your kid in the evening to be a good mom. You are the best mom to your kid anyway. So, when you are tired, you can not do crafts with your kid and that’s perfectly normal.

Time will become a luxury for you if it wasn’t already and you’ll guard it ferociously. Hell hath no fury than that of a mom whose schedule is screwed and you better not be the reason for it.

Your scale of resentment on any given day will be a gauge of how much the parenting responsibilities are being shared at home. 

You will realise motherhood is about trial and errors. The trick is to accept yourself the way you are and not work towards that impossible image of perfect moms popularised by all kinds of media and even some blogs, I must add. Accept that you can and will make mistakes and that it’s okay.

There are just 24 hours in a day and you don’t need to spend 10 hours with your kid to prove that you love her. Less is more is the mantra.

Protect your sanity the way it works for you. If you are not happy, what’s the point of it all?

You can choose Kelloggs as your kid’s breakfast and you will still be the best mom for her. You are a mom not a chef, the sooner you realise that, the better.

You don’t have to do it all. You can stop when and if you want to. Perhaps, this is the most important lesson of all, something I’m trying to inculcate in me.

Well, those were the pearls of wisdom from this mom. The truth is there is no one formula to being a mom and a working woman. It is different for each one of us. The most important thing to remember is that we need to do all of it in a way that keeps us happy and also healthy. The latter is something we forget or keep in the back burner to focus on at a later point in life which shouldn’t be the case. It’s important to remember that motherhood is not the end of your life, an extension to who you are. You need to correct anyone who tells you the other way. Be a mother, be you. Motherhood is not your becoming but you yourself are. Always remember that.

Here’s to all the moms doing so much more than they really should! And here’s to me!

By the way, what did you think about these 20 Lessons as a working mom? Tell me!

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