A Confession, an Apology and perhaps Absolution Too?

Sep 8
NabanitaDhar
Have you ever judged a person? 

You don’t have to tell me but think about it. Keep the answer to yourself but do think about it.

I feel awfully ashamed to admit that I have. I’m guilty of judging people, at times knowingly while at times unknowingly. But the worst of the lot happened just the other day.

The terrible thing was that I was doing it without even noticing that I was! It’s not something that can be overlooked. What I did isn’t something that I’m proud of at all. But maybe I need to put my action out there so that I never repeat this idiocy again.

‘How would I be any different from anyone else if I too jump into the frenzy of people judging, criticizing and mocking others without remorse?’

It so happened that we were going back home after office, talking, when my sister interrupted me. I was busy mocking Sonakshi Sinha and her movies. Apparently I didn’t like her. And the reason evidently was her weight. When I rewound my words in my mind after being stopped I felt like such a fake person. I wish she had flicked the back of my head instead of just stopping me. While I go on harping about our society being prejudiced against women and belittling them there I was judging a woman myself. So utterly disgraceful. But whom do I apologize to?

Well, I think it is you my readers.

I have no right to mock a woman, any woman. In fact, I have no right to mock anyone. It is wrong and something that is a big black mark on my beliefs and the kind of person I want to be.

‘I’m not a hypocrite and I can’t be one!’

You know it felt as if I had cheated on my own values that day. And why? Because apparently her being well endowed was a bad thing? You know from that moment onward I’ve been feeling like an empty book, one full of blank pages. Somewhere I think I let myself down massively that day. But thank heavens I had my sister to stop me so that I could introspect. How would I be any different from anyone else if I too jump into the frenzy of people judging, criticizing and mocking others without remorse?

So to you my readers I apologize. I know how important it is to practice what we preach. I promise to do so, to be more careful and more so when it comes to women. I cannot do what some others do. I cannot let women down. I cannot let myself down else how would I write on issues that trouble women? I’m not a hypocrite and I can’t be one. I can’t be a traitor to the cause that I so passionately believe in. I don’t want everything I write or advocate to end up being meaningless. Not even subconsciously. No!

So there I bared my heart out about something wrong that I did. I hope now I can forgive myself for this misstep and move forward.

Before you leave this page tell me something. Have you ever disappointed yourself by acting in a certain way or saying something that you shouldn’t have in the first place? If yes, then how did you correct the wrong?

Would love to hear your views and rebukes for my misstep too.

24 thoughts on “A Confession, an Apology and perhaps Absolution Too?”

  1. Happens to most of us. Don't be so harsh on yourself. The fact that you checked yourself and you are committed to being non-judgmental is a step in the right direction! So, smile and cheer up! 🙂

  4. Naba, we cannot term it judgmental, if we look at a person and dislike him/her. We can form ideas for and against someone, but as long as we don't utter them there is nothing wrong.

  5. I think it's such an involuntary thing – just like it happened to you. It's hard not to judge people specially movie stars or public figures who literally put themselves 'out there'. Not many pause to think that they're being harsh or judgemental. And that's what friends and siblings are for, right? To give you that rap when you deserve one?

  6. Such a honest and straight-from-the-heart post!
    Happens, Naba. All the time. We all judge no matter what we'd like others or to believe. Even if we do not voice our opinions, our mind is always passing some judgement. It takes courage to admit it and you've done it. So, stop being harsh on yourself. As long as we do not hurt someone's feelings, we are good 🙂

  7. I agree with Shilpa here, you checked yourself and that is commendable. We all are imperfect in little ways. To err is human, so let's be human and learn from our mistakes, have a great day.

  8. it happens so many time Naba that you judge a person and you don't even realize that, often. Happens with me also..

  9. It happens with me all the time. I may not say it out loud, but I am judging people all the time. And then I feel guilty.
    I don't think realizing it or feeling sorry is good enough. We need to correct ourselves. Any thought which leads to judgment should be immediately replaced by 'what if I were in her/his shoes'. We are not saints, but that should not be an excuse either.

  10. Yes we all are creatures of habit and especially many bad habits that don't go away easily. We have all done something like this. Sometimes to public figures, sometimes to ordinary folks. But the good thing is that you realized what was wrong with what you did. By the way, I also don't care for Sonakshi Sinha, because I think she is not a good actor. And I think there are many like her who aren't good actors either, but somehow manage to stay in limelight because of other reasons. So in a way they are putting themselves "out there" as Tulika says. Not to be judged on their appearance but certainly to be assessed for their work. And often their appearance is the reason why they get any work in the first place. Sad state of affairs it is! So don't be too harsh on yourself, my friend! (Hope she doesn't read this blog!)

  11. I so loved the honesty in your blog. Unknowingly we do sometimes indulge in judging people but the fact that you have realized it is commendable.And maybe that's what sisters are for 🙂

  12. Respect for your honesty and awareness, Naba. I think the first step to changing something we don't like about ourselves is awareness. I'm constantly working on my habit of being judgmental too. Sometimes it seems so harmless that we don't realize what we're doing.

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