Dear Blog,

How have you been? I have been meaning to visit for a while now, but somehow it did not work out. Still, I had to make it here before the end of the year at the very least. So, is this a look-back post? I do not know. We shall see, won’t we? Seriously, though, how have you been? Please say fine. Or at least stable.



I noticed you had views from Brazil a couple of months back. Quite something, isn’t it? I had been meaning to write to you about that. Imagine someone sitting in Brazil, reading what we have to share. Possibly in flip-flops. Possibly wondering how they ended up here. Fascinating.

You know, every year at the end of December, I feel a sense of loss. I do not feel excited about January at all. Especially after working in corporate, I absolutely abhor January and the eager-beavers who arrive with roadmaps for the new year or visions for the new year. I feel this sense of loss because, as December ends, there is this belief that magically, everyone will feel renewed. As if January comes with a software update. Honestly, the enthu-cutlets in corporate are at their worst during the new year. But corporate itself is like an abyss infested with these demodogs. Otherwise, it would not be such hell to work in. Maybe every new year simply reminds me that I have to continue working here forever. It sucks, I tell you. Anyway, I can continue complaining about this in another post. Let us move on for now, before HR senses a disturbance in the force.

What sort of year has 2025 been? The word that comes to mind is beige. The colour of walls in rental apartments and emotional maintenance. I suppose one must be grateful for beige, and I am, but I would not have minded a few reds and greens along the way. The year started with back problems for me, and I was a sourpuss to everyone around me. After that, though, it was alright. Low expectations are deeply underrated.

Of course, this year I saw M learn firsthand that not all people are good, and that includes adults, too. A disappointing revelation, frankly, but a necessary one. Looking back, I think it was good that she learnt this lesson now. There was also a silver lining. She found good folks, too. She found friends with varied interests who learn different things. It is always good to be with people who are multi-dimensional. Hopefully, it helps her grow into a well-rounded individual. Or at the very least, someone with decent judgment.

Low expectations are deeply underrated.

I had also started on a new book this year, but left it after a few chapters. I do not know, I do not seem to have the energy for anything anymore. In fact, I do not feel like completing this post anymore. You get my drift? I have noticed that at times, even while dancing, I start with so much energy, and then suddenly my energy drops to zero in the middle. Like someone unplugged me without warning. Perhaps it is perimenopause. Who knows? Not that anybody cares to research women’s health. Certainly not urgently enough. We will just power through, as usual.

I had to miss a lot of dance classes at the start of that year, and that really depressed me. Ever since I went back, I want to soak up everything, like a sponge with commitment issues and mild anxiety. Did I become a better dancer this year? Well, I doubt it. But I feel more connected to it, and I know I am very sincere about it. More than that, I also love the community that I have found. These wonderful women with whom I have shared some of the most beautiful moments this year. The laughs and the shared confidences, all of it helps, and I love it. Even on beige days. Especially on beige days.

I did get the chance to perform more than once this year. Was I satisfied with my performance? Well, not really. But I would not like to delve into that too much for fear of a downward spiral in my mood. Though if it spirals further downward, it would perhaps end up in Hades’ realm. And frankly, I am tired.

Do you know, apparently, 2026 will be the year for people with the number 3 as per Numerology. This makes me laugh because my golden period was supposed to start from 16th November 2024. The only thing golden thus far has been the dupatta I wore for Nirmiti 2025. I do wonder what these Numerologists get off on and why my timeline is filled with these very confident, very incorrect predictions.

This past week, because I was bored, I counted and rearranged all the clothes that I have. Suffice it to say, I should not be buying anything for the rest of my life, including my next life. But do you think that would stop me? Of course not. Though last year, riding on the horse of depression due to my back, I did manage to not buy a single item of clothing for myself for nine or ten months, a personal record that no one asked for. Will I be able to repeat that feat again? Highly unlikely. I have commitment issues with any resolve that will not harm anyone if broken. So we shall see. Probably at a sale.

I did read a lot this year, mostly audiobooks. And I learnt some Gen Z slang too. But you don’t want to know that. Nobody does. I guess that was my beige wrapped for the year that was. See you next year, if the universe wills it.

Or if not, that is fine too. I am tired of pretending to negotiate with the cosmos.