Dear Daughter,
As I’m writing this, you are in the daycare, probably playing with your friends, especially R. And definitely happy. I feel so content when I realise that you enjoy your time there. The mom guilt subsides a little when the choice I made for you seems to be a right one. But that’s not what I want to write to you about today, is it? Today, I want to tell you that being a girl is great. And I want to make a promise to you, gift you an assurance. So, keep reading, munchkin.
“Life surprises every one of us as we grow older. And it will surprise you too.”
As you grow up, dear M, you’ll learn and observe a lot of new things. One of those will probably be how the society usually has a different set of expectations from girls and boys. Gender roles and expectations we call it these days. Granted things are changing, have been changing and have changed. The lines are blurring, have blurred, will blur even more and such. But the shift, my darling, is slow, too slow for comfort really if you ask me. So, when you grow up to find that there are a set of dos and don’ts based on gender which differ for you and your classmate who is a boy, then I want you to come back to this letter. And I want you to always remember that being a girl is great. Of course, I know you’ll have questions and doubts. So, maybe this will help you a little, make it easier to comprehend and move forward.
But let’s back up a little to give you some context.
One of the greatest gifts that were given to me by your grandparents was of not raising me to fit into the ‘role’ of a ‘girl’ as defined by society. For example, I was never taught that my destiny was to get married and keep house. Of course, I eventually did do those things like marry. And as you would have seen how neurotically I manage our house too but because of them, I knew it was not the all of my existence. Because of them, I could choose to do it the way I wanted to when I wanted to. I was, am and will always be more, much more than that. They taught me that. They gave me that. And that’s why I promise you that you will have the same environment to grow up in. You will never be raised to believe that you are supposed to live a certain way, grow up a certain way or compromise on account of your gender. You will be taught that your gender is not your limitation or obstacle.
Being a girl is great.
You will have the gift of choice, M, the opportunity to choose for yourself. You will never be forced to learn cooking because you are a girl. I will never push you to enter the kitchen because someday in the future, you might need to cook for your family. You will cook because you want to and when you want to. It is a life skill that will help you when you live alone so you can learn that when the time comes. But I promise you that you will never be told that your ultimate goal in life is to get married, cook and have kids.
When you grow up to find that there are a set of dos and don’ts based on gender which differ for you and your classmate who is a boy, then I want you to come back to this letter.
I want you to remember that the universe is your canvas. You can do and be what you want to be without having anything pulling you back. You don’t have to pull back on your desires or aspirations either because of your gender. I promise you that I’ll try my best to tell you this and show by my actions whenever I can. Because M, you are a girl and that’s wonderful. Being a girl is wonderful. It’s a gift and not a defect or a shortcoming.
I promise to give you the opportunity to a life of your choice. I will never take away your choice because you are a girl. I will, of course, admonish you if you do something wrong which you will. I also know that we will even have heated discussions and arguments on several occasions when our thoughts don’t coincide. But that’s my promise to you too that you will always have an opportunity to make a case for your choice. Bottomline is you will always have an freedom to make a choice. You’ll not be raised any different because you are a girl. You will never have to live by the terms set by some archaic sections of society because of your gender.
Dear Daughter, you are a girl and that's wonderful. It's a gift and not a defect or a shortcoming. #Girl #LikeAGirl Share on X
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A straigt from the heart letter to your daughter Naba. Glad your mommy guilt does subside. Children learn to settle down sometimes sooner than we adults , in to a routine . I think they are a lot more accepting than us. Gender discrimination is something, our society has been battling with for a long time, Hope your lil one, never has to face it. The environment you provide her, would instill the thought that being a girl is sure indeed a gift and not a crime. Hope it stays that way for the rest of her life. God Bless!!
This is a brilliant post. I have two nieces and im glad to say their parents are raising them to be strong women who are not in any way defined by or restricted by their gender. #MG
I see many parents making the effort to raise both girls and boys to be equal citizens of the world. As you mention, things are changing but far too slowly. Hopefully, we can empower our girls enough to ensure that they are able to chase their dreams and can shatter some stereotypes while they do so.
Beautiful letter and I agree with it all! I wrote a letter to my Daughter post about how we might have differing opinions and that’s OK, and it’s lovely to see someone else with the same sentiment 🙂 #mg
So happy to know that she is settling in. Kids do take their own sweet time to make friends and be comfortable at a place. This letter is so beautifully written. I am really curious to know what her reaction would be when she finally reads and understands this letter. It’s gonna be a lovely moment. Parenting is a major factor that determines in which direction a kid will go in future. As I saw and you might have seen too in your and your friend’s life too. You are definitely making all the right choices
“Being a girl is great”. What a powerful phrase. Every mom should repeat this as mantra to their girl children. Beautifully written letter to your daughter. Hope she will love it for sure.
A lovely letter filled with warmth and heartfelt assurances. I know M will treasure this letter when she is old enough to read and take away the message here. And for your sake, M, I hope the gender parity drops significantly. As adults, we will try our damn best to make it happen for your sake and for the sake of other kids too.
I couldn’t agree more, I want my daughters to know that being a girl is gift and although society has a long way to go there should be no limitations on what my girls wish to achieve. Fabulous post! Thanks for linking up with #mg
Beautiful post and so well written. I have a son and I want him to know the same – that he shouldn’t feel pressured to behave in a certain way or confirm to a particular role. There are still so many gender constructs out there in society we need to break. #MG
Being a girl is great! What a lovely letter Pen x #mg
This letter is such a treasure Naba and I cannot tell you how thrilled and joyous I would be if ever I had had this letter from my mom! You are a fantastic role model for your daughter and she is so so lucky to have such a loving and mature mom! I am sure with your guidance the gender thing will become her strength and not her obstacle! More power to you !!! 🙂
This letter inspires me to write one for my daughters too. What a thoughtful gesture, brimming with life’s beautiful lessons, Naba.
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Oh I love this! If only I had this growing up. It was the opposite for me but being the rebel soul that I am I refused to confine to what my family and definitely what society wanted for me. I always wanted to be a mother from the time I hit puberty but I also always had aspirations and dreams that I wanted to achieve first. I didn’t achieve them before having kids but life has taught me that that, too, doesn’t have to be cookie cutter perfect. We women have so many more choices now than our grandmothers and great-grandmothers did but there is still a long way to go. I have two boys and I have been super aware of raising them that gender doesn’t define them and it doesn’t define their female counterparts either. Life is what you choose. Wonderful post! #mg
A lovely letter. Heart touching. I remember the first time I put my son and daughter in a daycare. It never gets better but soon you realize that they are making friends and becoming more socially receptive. Loved this post. Also glad to know that I was not the only one feeling all those emotions.
Oh, Naba! I’, in awe! Gender bias still exists in our society and I sincerely hope it diminishes when little M grows up. Such a wonderful letter. I know for sure that if I have a daughter I would want her to read this. Lots of love, Naba.
What a lovely one, Naba and I am sure M will treasure this. You are so right when you say things are changing but the progress is slow. It will take many many decades when women will not have to bear it all and be cocooned by the fact that they are women.
I wish to see that world some day.
Naba, this post is so beautiful and empowering! I love promotion of #mightygirls and #strongwomen and that is exactly what you are doing. The freedom to be anything! That is what we all should have, and it lloks like your daughter does! Bravo momma! #mg xoxo
This is absolutely amazing! I think every mother of a daughter should save this letter and get their daughters to read it #blogcrush
Soffy // themumaffairs.blogspot.com
I’m a mum to two girls so this is something I feel really strongly about. I did fall into the traditional role of mother and homemaker, but I also do other things – my blog, my music, my work. And hubby does a lot of the cooking too. We are trying to show in our everyday life that gender stereotypes are not important here.
And congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the BlogCrush linky! Feel free to collect your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush
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