Breaking News: State Visa Bill Passed!

Indians need Visas to go from one state to another within India!

In a path-breaking decision, the Parliament of India has passed the State Visa Bill tabled by the Minister of Regional Chauvinism, Mr My State. The ruling came after careful thought in which the opinion of the xenophobic common man was also taken into account.

Talks of implementing a State Visa have been doing the rounds for about a decade now. But the humble agitation by the educated younger generation, with blessings from India’s culturally rich older generations, brought this historic bill to life. Of course, there were those insane factions which opposed the bill terming it ridiculous. But their voices were rightfully quashed after cases under IPC section 122 were slapped against those blocs.

With the increasing crime rates across the country, experts with master’s degrees in the highly respected discipline of ‘Regional Chauvinism’ had argued that the movement of people across State borders within the country had to be stopped. The creation of jobs and development due to the same was termed redundant. The fact that ‘migrants’ also pay taxes and contribute to the state’s economic growth was scoffed at. A careful line of reasoning proved that attacks on women, thefts, and murders were all the result of relocation. And crimes committed by the natives on their own soil were nothing but innocent retaliation to havoc wrecked by the ‘migrant’ population. It was proved beyond reasonable doubt that before the creation of jobs and the movement of people from one state to another, India was a country free of crimes. Hence, the passage of the bill comes as a turning point in our history towards a crime-free India.

So, if you wish to work in a city outside your state, you would need to apply for a Visa or Work Permit before booking your tickets to that State. And if your child is to be born in a city where the official language is not your mother tongue you would need to apply for a birth visa for your baby too. Also, the players of our national teams would need to apply for visas to the state the captain belongs to. For holidays or medical visits to other states too, you would need to apply for the appropriate visa. Additionally, interstate marriages would also require the sanction of the Regional Chauvinistic Marriage Board to be legalized.

Visa requests have already bombarded the State Consulates, and to process them they would need the help of ‘outsider’ employees. The Director of the State Consulates has, therefore, published an advisory stating it would first issue Visas to its ‘migrant’ employees and then move full throttle towards requests from the common man.

At long last, India is seen marching towards a radiant regionally bigoted future with the passage of this exemplary State Visa Bill. As the nation chants “Long Live prejudiced India” and Arnab Goswami conducts another heated debate on this topic, the world looks on!