Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami is a book that makes you think about bodily autonomy and the beauty myth. It makes you realise again that deciding to become a mother is anything but straightforward. So bizarre, but women have somehow been led to believe that they have to give birth and become mothers to fulfil their destinies. It is only now that more and more women understand it is a preference, an individual and personal choice. Not only that, there are so many ways to become a mother if one chooses to be. But we have been conditioned to think that one way is better than the other.
At the start of this book, you meet a character, Makiko, who is suddenly obsessed with enhancing her boobs. Is it because she is 40 and thinks she is atrophying? Is it because everyday society makes her feel that the natural changes in her body have made her ugly? Does she regret how her body transformed after giving birth to her daughter? Is it the reflection in the mirror that has made her so self-deprecating? What is thwarting her from seeing her worth and beauty? What is stopping her from loving herself that she is willing to go under the knife?
“The surgeons are playing on the myth’s double standard for the function of the body. A man’s thigh is for walking, but a woman’s is for walking and looking “beautiful.” If women can walk but believe our limbs look wrong, we feel that our bodies cannot do what they are meant to do; we feel as genuinely deformed and disabled as the unwilling Victorian hypochondriac felt ill.”
― Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth
You also meet Midoriko, Makiko’s daughter, who decides against giving birth, if the changes will eventually leave her as unhappy and dissatisfied as her mother.
“It’s not our fault that we have eggs and sperm, but we can definitely try harder to keep them from meeting.”
― Mieko Kawakami, Breasts and Eggs
You meet Natsuko, Makiko’s younger sister, the main character in our book. You see her in different stages of her life, and through recollections of her past, you get to see who she was and why her life shaped up to be as it did. Natsuko is an introvert and a writer, but something is missing. She finds herself single at 40 but wants to become a mother. As she is ill-disposed to sexual intimacy, IVF is her only way. However, the procedure is inaccessible to single women in Japan. Natsuko’s options are limited to private donors who aren’t vetted or safe. Through her inner dialogues, you realise how she weighs the pros and cons of conceiving a child through a donor. The shadowy world of private donors and fertility seminars fills her mind. She begins to understand the perspectives of those who are the children birthed from the procedure, and why the children might resent it. You realise how her inner turmoil is a reflection of how life-altering this is not only for the mother but the child as well.
You meet other women too, some happy with having a kid while others tied down. Some are sad to be born, questioning the very premise of giving birth to a new life. The book brought out the pain of women, their insecurities regarding their body and their choices in their quest to be happy. I felt drawn. There are some hard-hitting and even discomfiting portions about the decision to have children. Then there are the nuanced reasons why some people still want to experience it. All of it in totality makes this an intense read. It is layered and much more than I can describe here.
Women’s perception of bodies and purpose in life has been used as a tool for manipulation and control. How ingeniously breasts and eggs have been used to exploit and subdue women. You know, as well as I do, how the cosmetic industry has influenced insecurities about weight, skin tone and even hair. I don’t need to remind you that ageing is perceived as unfavourable in women but admired in men. Why do you think anti-ageing is used as a tool towards women but not men when anti-ageing literally means dying?
Think of how older women are perceived. They are trolled if they dare to live unapologetically, feel beautiful, dress up, sing, dance and even choose vibrant colours. You don’t need to look further than the movies. Why do you think the heroine of Top Gun didn’t have any role in the sequel but Tom Cruise did after 36 years? Men are allowed to age unapologetically but now women. Women need to hide their age as if it’s something to be ashamed of.
“At least a third of a woman’s life is marked with ageing; about a third of her body is made of fat. Both symbols are being transformed into operable conditions–so that women will only feel healthy if we are two-thirds of the women we could be. How can an “ideal” be about women if it is defined as how much of a female sexual characteristic does not show on her body, and how much of a female life does not show on her face?”
― Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth
When I was younger, I was embarrassed by my gapped teeth. But I must be honest, it never bothered me much. But, as recently as a few years back, a dentist tried to tell me how I needed to fix it. Yes, I could and maybe can still do it. But my self-worth is not attached to how they look thankfully. Every time I went to the parlour I was sold the story of straight hair. I’m so happy that I now love my frizzy curly hair and there is nothing anyone can tell me to make me want to straighten it again. The weighing machine doesn’t depress me. I don’t eat keeping numbers in mind. A healthy body is what we all want. Everything else on top should be a personal choice. Makiko’s unhappiness initially at her boobs is perhaps a reflection of how women spend so much time obsessed with a certain part of their body. And this is drilled over decades. Women who love themselves are threatening and cannot be subdued unless made insecure.
“The beauty myth is always actually prescribing behaviour and not appearance.”
― Naomi Wolf, The Beauty Myth
Whether to become a mother or not, when to become a mother or how many kids you want to have, are tough questions that need to be answered before we take that leap. How many women really think it through either way? Somehow, the perception is that the culmination of a woman’s life is in giving birth. Fulfilment is attached to the quality or number of eggs. It is sad because there are various paths to happiness for a woman. And all need not be linked to her womb.
Natsuko’s inner turmoil made me think about how women have been pitched against one another. One section wants kids while the other does not. Why do we have to be in opposite camps? Why can’t we be on the same side of being able to make that choice by ourselves?
Natsuko’s struggle to find a donor reminded me about the various procedures women have to endure on the path to pregnancy and how painful they still are despite the advances in medicine. I tell you, if men had wombs, all procedures would be painless. But pain is women’s lot in lives, one way or the other due to our breasts and eggs.
Choosing to become a mother has its share of struggles. It’s anything but easy. There is a biological clock that women need to keep track of. The best time medically to try for a baby is also the worst. This dichotomy would be hilarious but for the mental stress that women deal with when choosing to wait for stability before trying to conceive. And all the procedures sold as the advancement of medical science to help women with that, do you know how debilitating, intrusive and painful they are? Words like geriatric pregnancy are used for women over 35. I’m sure some other term could have been used then why not? The whole thing is set up for torture in some form or the other.
There is also a lot more to this book, picking apart the nuances of life like it hit hard when she wrote “It feels like I’m trapped inside my body. It decides when I get hungry, and when I’ll get my period. From birth to death, you have to keep eating and making money just to stay alive.” Poignant, right?
Looking back, I don’t think I want to relive my 20s. I value the woman I am now. I love the laugh lines, the creases due to stress and even my dark circles. It is all me. I’m a sum total of my experiences, breasts and eggs included and I wouldn’t change anything. Well, not the main things, at least, and certainly not how I look. I’m also glad I chose if and when I wanted a child and also that I didn’t want more, not at my cost.
Well, as you can see, the book made an impression. Have you read it? What are your thoughts on the book and the post? Let me know.
That’s all for today.
Ciao.