Do you like fairy tales?
I think it’s safe to say that we all grew up with a flair for these magical tales. This magical world where anything was possible. I had my own share of fascination with these tales until I didn’t anymore. As a young girl with two pigtails, I loved Cinderella, Rapunzel, and even Snow White. Why I even played the part of Snow White in school during one of our Drama competitions. But then I wasn’t a young girl in pigtails anymore. The world became all too real for me. I realized how so many things were, in fact, are wrong with the world of fairy tales we have grown up reading. And which even our daughters will eventually grow up reading.
What is wrong with the fairy tales you ask?
The world and the messages they subtly convey on young impressionable minds.
Cinderella used to be one of my favorite fairy tales until I began to see the flaws in it. Why couldn’t it have been about a boy who was ill-treated by his step-brothers and a step-father? Why does everything evil in this tale has to be attributed to women? Why didn’t Cinderella fight for her rights and answer back to the women wreaking havoc in her life? But leave that for a while, why does Cinderella have to fit into a pair of glass slippers for the prince to recognize her?
What message is being set into the innocent minds of young girls reading Cinderella?
One, that they should not fight back when pushed against the wall. Two, that they need to fit into a particular image, transform themselves with the help of a fairy godmother, if available, to find their life partners? That who they are isn’t enough? I don’t know about you but I found the self-sacrificing Cinderella, the one who tolerates all abuse of her step-mother and step-sisters without complaint, quite contrary to the image I want to be set in my daughter’s mind. And then there was also the thing that Cinderella had to rush back home because the curfew was for her. Never for the prince just like never for men in real life!
Why does the curfew have to be for Cinderella and not for the prince? #MommyTalks Share on X
Then there is that recurring theme in fairy tales of a princess needing to be rescued by a prince. Why? This surely isn’t the message we want to send to all the little girls all around the world, is it? What these tales should tell instead is that girls can be their own saviors, that girls are capable of fighting the big bad wolves of the world and they surely don’t need a prince to rescue them from the high tower of patriarchy. Girls need to be told from a young age that the power is in their hands and I didn’t find a single fairy tale that does that. Little girls need to be told that they don’t need to wait for anyone to make their lives better, that they are strong and capable enough to not need ‘true love’s kiss’ to be woken up from a sleeping enchantment.
Why does a princess always need to be rescued by a prince? #MommyTalks #FairyTales Share on X
I also don’t concur with the idea of happily ever after that these tales talk about. A girl needs a prince to have a good life, a happy life? No, absolutely not.
How will we prepare our daughters for the heartbreaks, for the fragility of human relationships if we build up this idea of happily ever after in their minds? Remember how impressionable they are at that age.
What irks me is that the sole purpose of women in fairy tales seems to be of this person needing rescue. Or, for them to find a prince and bear their child. Surely, you’ll realize how wrong a message that sends to little girls?
So, do I want Disney princesses to be the role models for my daughter? Certainly not. I want real women to be her role models. And I want characters who are closer to the real women she’ll come across to be her role models. Not the princess who would need a prince always by her side or one who doesn’t retaliate against her evil step-mother.
So is there such a fairy tale in your mind?
Also, tell me, what is your opinion on fairy tales before you go?
Pretty fascinating and I agree, to some extent. Most of us grew up with these stories and to me, the magical fantasy bit appealed more than the layered meanings, of course. I think for most kids it is that way. We only start questioning when it conflicts with our world view. I personally enjoyed the animated stories as a child and they haven’t affected my feminist view of the world in any way. In fact, I enjoyed them as fiction and left it at that.
But, having said that, I do appreciate that there is a conscious shift towards making more feminist-oriented roles and movies even in the fairytale industry. I think it depends on how well we strike a balance as parents and also enable a dialogue. In that sense, even the traditional fairy tales are fine, to be frank. This way, they ask and question the norms of that time and whether they align with the current scenario.
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There are books on female idols like Madam Curie and Ada Lovelace, which would be way better than fairy tales. Also I do see younger girls not getting easily swayed by princessy tales so that’s a good sign. My favorite tale is Shrek and Fiona is my favorite. She is so kickass… I love her. I read fairy tales only after growing up. I don’t remember what I read when I was young. Chacha chaudury maybe. You have put across valid points Naba.
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I had done a post eons ago about revisiting fairy tales and was part of a poetry collection too from UK where we revised the earlier versions of these tales to make them more humane and equal. One such post was http://poojapriyamvada.blogspot.in/2012/02/cinderella-21st-century.html
As kids, I think we all grew up enjoying fairy tales. It’s now that we think about the subtle messaging in these stories. But the fact is, the original Brothers Grimm fairy tales are rather dark and scary; they’ve been sanitized over the years for children.
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I enjoyed these tales as a little girl. With time, though, they began losing the interest and the charm they held for me as a child. Then, when I was in school, my uncle gifted me a book. “Adventurous stories for girls”. And, believe me, that was one book that changed my outlook about how girls are meant to be! So much so, that I still remember that book, ages after I read it. It was about girls who are brave enough to solve their problems by themselves, fight the bad guys, fearlessly go out on adventures and take good care of themselves. I think that is the kind of book one must gift their little girls to make them believe in themselves and teach them about courage and self-respect.
It’s we adults, who have seen the world and learnt about its bitter truths and know those fairy tales are not right for girls, but I feel, reading those books as little kids might not affect them at that age. Those are, after all, written for them to read and enjoy. Kids will soon outgrow the fairy-tale-age and pick up books recommended by their parents, and which talk about how the world really is, and how one must learn to take it fearlessly.
Enjoyed reading your post, Nabanita! I feel your little one is a lucky girl to have such a strong mamma!
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I was always fascinated with fairy tales and still am I guess. Its just that feminist analysis of them that has actually soured things for me. I dont want to read into it and wonder whats wrong in it or right. I just want to fall into one and yes be rescused by a handsome prince to live happily ever after! I cold do with a fairy god mother and wont say no to one, if one does pop up one of these days 😉
I know what you mean. I would say that I loved fairy tales growing up but that was a story. In my real world, I was no princess and I knew that the stories serve the purpose of entertaining us. To learn, I had other books that were helpful. So you are right that fairy tales showed women in that weak spot but I don’t think it is the same any more.
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As Shailaja mentioned, these were stories which fascinated due to the magic in them. To kids there are no deeper lessons. Also these fairy tales were written a long time ago so perhaps applying today’s sensibilities will not be fair to them. It is good that we are conscious of the deeper messages and can have a conversation with our kids around them.
Wow. I loved reading it..