Female Sexuality Is Not Yours To Keep

Apr 8
NabanitaDhar
It’s so easy to sit on a pedestal and pass judgments, isn’t it? Judge people, more specifically women on a scale of morality designed on the whims of the society. Well, it certainly seems so, otherwise the kind of ludicrous declarations in the name of upholding culture, traditions or the labels attributed to women wouldn’t have been made in the first place. And it doesn’t end there, does it? From your home to your work place, there is no dearth of people who feel this innate urge to make things difficult for women, any woman. And they belong to both sides of the gender divide. Whether they do it consciously or subconsciously, well, doesn’t even matter.

Something as basic as what a woman wears strangely seems to be everybody else’s business. Why? Well, apparently the honor of the family and society rests on what she wears. And it’s not even restricted to only that, not that it’s acceptable even at that. It extends to whom she chooses as her life partner, if she chooses a life partner at all, if she goes on to become a mother or not. The list is actually endless. I think a woman’s honor is her own and as long as she is comfortable in her own skin, doing what she likes, the rest doesn’t matter, shouldn’t matter.  This inherent necessity to control women’s lives starts from the minutest of things and assumes proportions beyond compare.
Female sexuality is something which is at the center of this battle, a struggle for respect and liberty for women. And why not, since it is one of the biggest issues over which there is continuing disagreement. It seems to be the bone of contention with no resolution. But my question is, why should it be so?
It is as if a woman being comfortable with her body, wearing what she deems fit, is something to be restrained by external factors. What happens next? Well, her character is questioned if she dares go against those draconian diktats.
The society has this unfounded fear of females who assert themselves, in whatever manner. When it comes to the female body, there is this want, almost cannibalistic, to control it. Either it is done in the name of honor or as a form of punishment to teach her a lesson.
It’s simple really, we don’t need anybody to tell us what we can do with our bodies. How hard is that to understand? The supporters of patriarchy or those who have been raised with a patriarchal mindset fear women who express their sensuality and choice. What was being said and done by men all along, the same if articulated by a woman in so many words creates a furor. This dichotomy stems from something that has been drilled in our mindsets that women need to be submissive. The sad reality being women too abuse other women giving voice to this misogynistic approach.

Source freedigitalphotos.net by imagerymajestic

A society where men and women can do what they want would be ideal. But to reach that point some feathers have to be ruffled. And perhaps it’s better if humanity doesn’t measure women on its moral compass because like it or not we are going to ask questions, we are going to challenge decrees. It might take time, we may be ridiculed for doing what we want to and saying what we want to but that will not stop us. We will push boundaries, knock down the walls and reiterate that our life is ours to live within our own moral standards. And we no longer depend on society’s approval for anything. The struggle had begun decades ago and it will continue. We won’t be stopped or our voices muzzled by the intolerant and conceited faction with misplaced understanding of all that is a woman. Oh, and our sexuality is ours to assert or conceal, not the society’s to uphold. We have miles to go before we sleep but afraid we are certainly not.


27 thoughts on “Female Sexuality Is Not Yours To Keep”

  5. We are a long long away from achieving the level of common sense that emanates from this post, sadly. And its is not even just a matter of saying "rural mindsets" i have realised over the years – even grown up high class surgeons I have met speak such rubbish about how girls should behave and that they are causing problems by their own dress. It struck me then that even occupation and education is not enough sometimes… its the mindset itself that has to change. And when there are errant ministers saying nonsense and getting away with it, it only encourages the others more

  10. True Roshan…Even education is not enough… In fact education is never enough ..It takes a lot of factors and with public figures saying nonsense and getting away with it, you are right what can we expect from the rest!

  11. What irks me more is when one woman bashes another. Sons are raised by mothers, can;t they teach them to respect women and their choice? It would take a whole set of new generation for the mindset to change. Maybe in another 50 years. Or am I being too optimistic.

  12. Very well put Naba… Both the sex make it difficult for women. I wonder what makes others decide for us. Get married, have a baby, do this, do that, wear a saree, dont wear a jeans, work, don't work outside the house..etc etc… the list is endless.

  18. I agree…It is appalling that women position themselves against women…And yes maybe 50 years is being too optimistic but then we can't stop hoping, can we?

  19. Great post Naba…what women wear should be no one's business but the woman's own. She has a brain and can decide what she wants to wear. I agree with all you've said.

  20. Hi Nabanita,

    A post such as this coming from a lady is understandable. The constructs of our society are so skewed, archaic and unjust that I almost nodding in acceptance to your views. Indeed, the road is long and does require ruffling of loads of feathers, however, it must be done. Simply punishing people won't help, the society needs to develop from the roots upwards.
    Keep posting and may the power be with you. Stay safe.

    Regards

    Jay
    My Blog

  21. We're just plain lucky to have been brought up in families where we've had way more freedom than most other girls of our country. Right here amidst us in the metros there are people whose thought processes are decades behind the current times. So glad you brought this up.

  22. A very sensitive and a sensible post Nabanita, I don't understand the urge to judge and criticize. Maybe at some level it makes them feel better, the bitter joys of being cynical in life I guess. True, no one really has the right to make someone else's life that challenging, I wish there was a way a slander or a libel could be filed against these people so that they could be brought to court. Human rights seems like a lost cause these days 🙁

  27. Well-written, it is a long drawn out battle and yes we still have a long way to go. But we are not going to give up. The hope that someday, all this will be worth the effort will continue to leap in flames in every woman's heart until we actually get there.

Comments are closed.