Feminism Isn’t A Bad Word

Apr 3
NabanitaDhar

There’s a disturbing trend in our midst today, the trend of mocking anything and everything a woman says or does. Ridiculing womenfolk seems to be very much in vogue. Oops, did I just say vogue? Guess I did, didn’t I? Well, I better move on lest I’m thrashed for using that word.

The peculiar need to condemn feminism and use terms like femi-nazis is a fad today. But that’s not even the appalling part, really. The disgraceful reality, and with which I have a bigger problem, is that women themselves fail to support their own kind. Yes, not only men but women too are party to this repulsive propaganda of condemning women. Before you jump to any conclusions, I just want to say that I don’t have any fight against men, the good ones that is. But yes I do have a bone to pick with all men and women who are responsible in some way or the other for problems womankind face.

Now, where was I? Yes, this strange need to belittle women. Tell me how do you chose one woman’s cause over the other? Or, can you even do that? How do you say that what one woman is saying regarding empowerment is more valid than the other? I don’t know, I can’t do that, not unless what she is saying makes no sense at all.

In the past few days, you and I have been witness to numerous reactions of our society against women. An actress was trolled because she showed up at her boyfriend’s game, a game that his side lost. Seemingly, it was her fault! Then of-course, we did a little bit of damage control by honoring a woman badminton player. Well, at-least some sense prevailed. But then we also ended up criticizing a woman actor when she spoke about depression. Apparently by the mob’s expert opinion she was faking it. But yes if the same would have been revealed by a male actor we would have kept him on a pedestal. Remember how much we fought to support the sermons of a particular male actor? How much we supported his choice to regard the AIB roast as worthy of censor? In fact, we even attacked the standup comedian who dared to challenge him? Well, if you had any doubts about the existence of hypocrites, I think you should have your answer by now.

It’s imperative to desire equal rights for men and women. That is what I want too. But you and I have to reach there. There is a disparity and , newsflash, it is there in the urban areas too. If you think the women working in corporate offices don’t encounter bias, then you haven’t done your homework right. While empowerment needs to begin at the grass root level, an attempt to talk about the same at the other echelons of society shouldn’t be denounced either. You cannot fight a battle for rights and chose to only fight for one section.

Now, there’s so much noise about a video that has been doing the rounds. To me that video, in essence, was a message to men who try to stop women or who think they are superior beings. It was a message stressing on the fact that women can and will do what they want. If they are wrong, if they commit mistakes, it will be theirs to own. I don’t understand what’s wrong with that. And why take it so personally? Or, is it just fashionable to criticize?

Haven’t you, yes you, sitting with a laptop in your air conditioned office or home faced situations where men have tried to restrict your choice? Or, do your problems become inconsequential because you are not from the rural areas? Or, does every video need a disclaimer that it is not aimed at the good and supportive men in our society? The fight is against those rotten apples. So, can’t we say anything to them? Or, we need a moral compass to do the math before uttering every single word? But no, our intelligentsia takes it personally, they think it is being said about their sons, husbands and fathers. I don’t know, I find it silly.

I too believe that whatever I do, right or wrong, morally acceptable or not, it is my choice. Period. It’s a woman’s choice if she wants to have a baby at some point in life or not. No third person will tell you whether you wish to have a child or not. Yes, later on the decision has to be discussed as a couple but what she as an individual wants will be her choice. And, yes, there is a difference between choice and consent. So all those men parodying this video saying they will rape women because it’s their choice, I have only this to say. This video, the message is indeed in many ways aimed at those Neanderthals only and looks like it hit them where it hurts.

Now, enough of the video because the problem women face is in no way limited to that. Let me tell you about the ‘empowered women’ working in corporate offices I have met in the course of my career. Let me tell you about those women who you think have it very easy, have money and therefore any video catering to that section must be farce.

♤ There are women who can’t were wear leggings with kurtis because their husbands don’t approve of it. These are managers and leads you work for, who deal with important foreign clients daily.
♤ There are women who are not allowed to wear sleeveless. Again, even if they want to.
♤ There are women who on going back home after a hard day’s work have to enter the kitchen immediately without rest.
♤ There are women who can’t were string tops because their husbands do not like it.
♤ There are women who are mocked and disturbed during their pregnancies because they don’t cook breakfast for their in-laws before leaving for office.
♤ There are women who are ridiculed in a professional forum because they post an ad for a cook. Apparently, they should cook for their husbands once they reach home no matter how tired.
♤ There are women who are given promotions over their male counterparts but reminded at every opportune moment that they had no intention of doing so but for the company policy.
♤ There are women who are killed, burnt and forced to commit suicide, yes, in cities too.

But then you think they are superficial, don’t you?

So, my humble request to you all, think a little and rise above superficial notes. And to all those highly educated and well-read women’s rights activists on the social media, how does attacking a woman make you any better than the man who passes lewd comments against one? Think about it. Think about it hard I suggest.

I also don’t want to punish or mock all of mankind. Please, I have some wonderful men in my life as I’m sure you do as well. But don’t you think something as simple as a woman’s choice is being tainted and given a twist? Why, why do we have to align to a moral compass and worry about what the society thinks?

Sometimes the society needs to be told and reminded that all those things that is expected of a woman may not be done by her one day. So, basically don’t take her for granted. This change of surname, wearing a bindi or sindoor and covering ones head, women may chose not to do it. She may choose not to be paraded as a wife or a daughter-in-law anymore. And it’s her body, it’s her choice so if you have a problem, get a life!

Don’t belittle one cause from the other. Don’t lampoon everything that is said by women. Especially, the women out there, try and remember about that one person who tried to restrict your freedom. Then think about how your choice to do what you want, right or wrong is relevant.

And my dear, precious men, if you are not one of those Neanderthals, why get worked up? We know you are with us and we thank you for that. It’s not you we are against, you know?

Okay, now I know as always I’m going to be thrashed for this post by some but then I had to say what I had to. So, go on I’m waiting! 🙂

39 thoughts on “Feminism Isn’t A Bad Word”

  4. Very well said Nabanita, endorse your views.
    Why should we need to look at others when it comes to making our own choices? Our life is ours and so decisions to spend it the way we like should be ours.

  7. Hmm Nabanita as far as Deepika Padukone's video is concerned, I personally thought the idea of empowering woman is good and creating awareness for them does make sense in a country where the society even today is highly patriarchal.

    But one of the points in the video which talks about having the choice of having sex outside marriage sounded a bit bizarre to me. Bizarre because that literally amounts to adultery and is in no way woman empowerment. If a woman is not ok with a man doing such a thing, why encourage women for that?

    Equality for all is the way to go. But then everything can't be clubbed under the title of woman empowerment can it?

  8. you have presented your views clearly through the post… i support all of it.. yes, after the 'my choice' video, this topic has really become very controversial.. i personally loved the video,, it told that we hold no right to judge a person based on her choices and decisions… and yes, i liked the interview where she went public with her depression.. she's brave and depression is scary indeed…

  10. Ah! Naba! I too have not liked that video and mentioned it in various places. The point of my objection relates to the fact that it was a video intended and widely propagated for mass consumption AND touted as something that would change the way you would view women. The standards by which any such video would be assessed are quite different from the standards by which an individual sharing her pain with her own experiences would be assessed.

    That said, let me also say that it was totally unwarranted to go on the rampage attacking Deepika Padukone personally. Nowhere, where I mentioned my objections to the video have I ever said anything about Deepika, other than to decry the fact that she was targeted. She played a role at best. And, even if it was her idea to present the issues that were presented, it still gives no-one any right to attack her personal lifestyle.

    That, though, is a more general problem. I have found that people very seldom discuss issues – they prefer to discuss people and, thus, if they are against an issue, they troll the people who propagate it.

  14. Very well written post Nabanita and much needed. I think most people are reacting on the point of "adultery". Although I don't agree with the point "having sex outside marriage"could be any one's personal choice but rest I find rest are valid points and you have explained them well with your words. I think this video is more about personal freedom than empowerment. It has unmasked an ugly face of our society. One has the choice to agree or disagree with the video. But I have seen on social media like a micro blogging site, many people (and they are men as a matter of fact) called Deepika names…they were discussing her personal life… and some were one step ahead. They started mockery about women in general. Some justified that from now on when men rape that would be their choice! Sickening and disgusting,because such blows came from a so-called educated lot of the society! I don't understand how a man's raping a woman (which is kind of a torture, done forcefully to a woman) can be compared to a woman's personal choice of wearing clothes of her choice or not wearing a bindi by her choice or making love with her lover before/after marriage (things like love making/sex cannot happen if the other one is not willing, right?). I agree with Mr Suresh Chandrasekharan (commented here). Most people in our society like to discuss people and not matter. And circumstances show that women are easy target. The video proved if a woman speaks her mind that will not be accepted by the majority.

    P.S.: I don't understand why people tend to term it as "feminism" when women talk about their rights? Aren't women human too? Isn't their rights human rights too? So why corner it with a particular term?

  15. Loved this post, and I totally endorse your views! What I like was that you highlighted the fact that both women and men alike bash feminists. I actually am very much for women's rights. But what I HATE is (1) men who are chauvinists and (2) women who use feminism for male-bashing! Neither one does any good for anyone, and both of them bring down their own kind!

  18. The video was an ad which really made no difference to me. Some of what was said was sensible except the point about having sex outside of marriage. I firmly believe that no one's choice operates in a vacuum. Choice is dependent upon so many factors. And hence every choice made is often at the sacrifice of something else. It is also important to use wisdom while making a choice. What I was against is how viciously DP was attacked. That was completely uncalled for. I think social media becomes completely vicious when they don't agree with something. It is important to respect a difference of opinion and move on.

  19. I missed something in regards to the video – and by the sounds of it I am glad I haven't seen it… i saw a new adverb the other day that i thought should be used more… 'feministically' speaking i agree with your sentiments… though they are basic human rights too. Sex outside of marriage seems to be an interesting topic in your comments – I sometimes wonder if marriage as a concept was invented purely as a means to control feminine sexuality, as something that was feared or made men feel inadequate, rather than empowered. – but that's a whole different subject. Well done Nabanita, women like you will change the world one mind at a time…

  20. Great post, As for the video, I had some issues but none of them support these hypocrisy that's going on. I was concerned that feminism is becoming a market trend rather than a cause to stand up for. I was concerned that even if we women stand up proclaiming that it is my choice to sleep out of marriage, won't that be a bad message or maybe something that could be misinterpreted. The intentions of the video was all right and I am a big supporter. Anyway enough said about the video, I agree with all that you have listed.

    A live example of such instances of belittling women – I have a colleague who would constantly post jokes on married life focusing on painting women as the curse of men's life and such on whatsapp. It pissed me so much even though they were jokes. Once I found a really good and true joke which put men on the spotlight and posted it as retaliation unable to control my anger anymore. You should see him immediate reply – He was so offended and put up a variety of emoticons showing how angry & sad he was. I replied saying that marriage jokes can be made on men too.

    What this shows is the underlying mentality of mocking women and trying to constantly find something wrong with us.

  21. The video was an ad which really made no difference to me. Some of what was said was sensible except the point about having sex outside of marriage. I firmly believe that no one's choice operates in a vacuum. Choice is dependent upon so many factors. And hence every choice made is often at the sacrifice of something else. It is also important to use wisdom while making a choice. What I was against is how viciously DP was attacked. That was completely uncalled for. I think social media becomes completely vicious when they don't agree with something. It is important to respect a difference of opinion and move on.

  22. We must stand by our morals and principles and not get up in the negativity spewed by neanderthals or by women bashing men, When we say or state something it must be clear that we mean what we say and say what we mean. I too have not see the video .. I too endorse your views. Thank you for this challenging topic.

  24. Very passionate, great article. I particularly loved the line , 'women themselves fail to support their own kind' This is the most important issue, which if addressed will take care of 75% of problems.

  31. I agree equality for all is the way to go… But why the backlash when a woman chooses to do something and is willing to face the consequences for that…? I think we as a society are not ready to hear the same things which a man speaks and does from a woman and that I have a problem with…But it's okay…I think pushing the boundaries is how we can get to a point when we are equal…

  32. Me too Pratikshya… I think it's easier to target women when they speak something the society doesn't deem fit and I have a problem with that attitude of society

  34. True Suresh…I think a lot of the backlash is because it was promoted as something that will change our view on women or empowerment or what not…I think whatever was said was very ordinary and sometimes I feel the ordinary needs to be reiterated to make people understand that we can also do things that everyone else has been doing …

  38. A great post Nabanita….and I must applaud you for keeping your thougts so clear at public platform..not everyone has guts to do the same!!

    Feminism isn't a bad word; however the overdo of feminism in action hasn't proved fruitful to soceity.

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