For the sake of Uniting the Nation!

Aug 24
NabanitaDhar

The sacred fire burnt in the centre as though Lord Agni himself bore witness to the everlasting alliance; the priest chanted verses out of religious and sacred texts; lights twinkled; sweet scent emanated from the flowers and the incense sticks that adorned the entire setting; the bride looked like an angel descended from the heavens above in all her finery and sparking red attire while the groom looked like a prince waiting to carry his beloved away unto the land of happily ever after; the whole ambiance was nothing short of mysticism personified. Or, was it?

The groom’s family sat all snot nosed on one side with condescending faces. The bride’s family sat alongside the couple performing rituals trying to be perfect hosts but equally annoyed at the sneering and disrespectful attitude of the visiting party. Yes this was the ‘divine’ setting of a love marriage.

As the holy fire grew stronger and the night grew younger; the bride in red fumed at her future in-laws giving a thundering peace of her mind to the groom in between the chants. The groom meanwhile annoyed with the commotion gave the bride a livid reply. They looked at each other with fury and resentment instead of gazes full of love and affection. At the dinner hall, they refused to eat from the same dish but at the same time maintained the perfect smiles for the guests and relatives. They hated every moment of this mockery of a marriage function. Neither liked the music or even the decoration; all they wanted was for the drama to be over!

The wedding night and they were finally alone in the room where they were supposed to unite in the presence of the moon and the stars along with the soft yet sweet smell of the roses that decorated their bed. But did they? Well they looked at each other and suddenly without saying a word hugged each other tight. The groom shivered while the heart beat of the bride grew louder by the second. No it wasn’t due to each other’s touch or warmth; it was due to the anxiety and pressure they had been subjected to. They sat that way the whole night; the groom pondered on what havoc must have raked at his side while the bride felt really low realizing she had to go to the family whose members had so far only put down people close to her heart.

Yes, it wasn’t a typical fairy tale marriage. Yes, neither of them was excited about the D-Day. Yes, she didn’t choose her wedding outfit just to give a chance to her family to feel good at choosing it for her. Yes, he worked at his wedding as though it was his relative’s. Yes, he never got pampered at home before the ceremony. Yes, she did not receive romantic messages from him on the eve of their wedding. Yes, there was no exchange of mischievous glances or silent messages between them. But they had something that very few couples do. Their love was rock solid inspite of all the bitterness and the not so perfect atmosphere! They conquered the impossible and got what they desired; a life with each other; a life together. Ofcousre, they had to fight and undergo unpleasant experiences for it but that sole hug on their wedding night said it all. They were in love and it was a LOVE MARRIAGE!

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.  ~ Alexandra Penney

What is Love Marriage? Is it only finding a partner and marrying them with or without the blessings of your families? Is Love Marriage just expressing love on Social Network Sites as we often see today? No, there is much more to what actually Love Marriage is.
You go through hell together; you fight but it is in each other’s arms that you find solace. The best day of your life, that you had waited years for, is ruined since you fell for him but still you manage to be thankful for him at the end of the day. You go for your honeymoon not for the usual reasons but to de-stress and forget the unpleasant rocky ride of convincing parents. Well that’s what love is and that’s what true Love Marriage is all about! It’s not about loving each other when things are rosy and picture perfect; it’s about seeing the nastiest side of each other but still choosing to hold on to love.

We loved with a love that was more than love.  ~Edgar Allan Poe

There has constantly been the debate of love versus arranged when it comes to marriages. Arranged Marriages as such have been going on for generations in India. It is deeply engraved in our society and the mindsets of people that form it. It is a tradition, a dictum and sometimes a dogma. Some couples in the past had arranged while other’s had love marriages. But both sets of couples more often than not had amazing lives and gave their children wonderful futures together. However all that was when life was different and simpler than the present context. Things have changed immensely now.
In today’s day and age Arranged Marriages aren’t as much of a perfect fit as they were for the previous generations. Yes, they still exist but often it’s all about compromise than love. And compromise isn’t love! Where is the magic of suddenly finding your companion at a twist in the path of life?
You could marry and then fall in love but what if you don’t? What then? Marriage itself is a complex union but when apart from the numerous adjustments you also need to cultivate ‘love’, does the charm still remain? So I ask why not marry after you truly fall in love?

Nonetheless to each their own! For me though it’s Love Marriage all the way. After all as Chetan Bhagat said in one of his novels and I too concur, there needs to be more and more love and inter caste marriagessimply ‘For the Sake of Uniting the Nation’ and we all know how relevant that is!
Remember ‘Once you find someone to share your ups and downs, downs are almost as good as ups.’~Robert Brault

Our country for a long time hasn’t really been a haven for individuals who desired to go the love marriage way. Ofcourse things are slowly but surely changing now but there are miles to go before we sleep. The infamous khaps; high profile cases like Nitish Katara Murderscream out the fact that the land of the Taj Mahal which epitomizes love actually is hostile to couples who dare chose their own partners. The problem isn’t illiteracy as even educated families are guilty of archaic beliefs and thought processes. The glitch lies in the way our society is fashioned and it will take years before this change.
But I am hopeful one day our country will become more tolerant towards the very idea of ‘Love Marriages’. There will be a day when ‘Love Marriages’ won’t be frowned upon and each wedding will be a fairy tale instead of a battle in the long drawn war of togetherness!
So I say fall in love; get drenched in rain, play holi; burst crackers; kiss and makeup; watch movies and face obstacles together, for my friend after a point, life is livable only when you marry the person you love!

This post is for Indiblogger’s Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage Contest. More details here www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange.

19 thoughts on “For the sake of Uniting the Nation!”

  9. great post nabanita.. all the nest for the contest.. hope u win.. :).. you made me long for a love marriage.. 🙂

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