My country, India, never ceases to amaze me in ways I’d rather never be amazed! Every time I go through a newspaper and glance through headlines concerning either my city or my country at large, I tend to get a sick feeling in my stomach. I mean really what else is there to read about except Rapes, Murders, Corruption and plain old apathy for every damn thing! I don’t know really but it makes me wonder if I am still as proud to be an Indian as I used to once upon a time! Don’t get me wrong, I am, or atleast was, always fiercely protective about everything Indian; atleast every Good thing Indian! But lately I just feel annoyed at the level to which the thinking of our countrymen and women seemed to have stooped.
What hurts me most is the way women are looked upon in our country; even in educated and so called well to do households. A week back the festival of karvachauth was celebrated all over the country. It mandates women to be on fast for an entire day for the longevity of their husbands. Well mind you I really care for my significant other and I too had kept the fast for him. But we both seriously doubt that has anything at all to do with his well-being!
Interestingly similar to karvachauth there is another festival where women fast for the long lives of their children. Ofcourse, it didn’t take me long to find out that there are no such rituals when it comes to someone fasting for us women! It’s another thing that somewhere in my mind I already knew there would be nothing of that sort. Yes, lives of women are dispensable. We are replaceable. But who can help us women when we fall prey to these charades either in the name of custom or plain emotional blackmail. And that is not the end of it all, given a few sparklingly pieces of jewellery and clothes we women end up believing that this actually is a fiesta where we are cared for the most! Really if we don’t want to wake up; then suffering in the name of traditions would go on forever and then no one should actually complain!
Again some days back, a few old men wearing sparkling white pyjama-kurtas (with equally black hearts) having atleast one of their legs in the grave, went about patronizing how lowering the marriageable age of females is the solution to fighting the ever increasing menace of rapes. That’s not all; these men with wrinkles all over their faces and definite one way tickets to hell (if there is anything like that and I seriously wish there is for the sake of these men) went around urging the government to ban same gotra marriages among various other ridiculous demands. They hold women responsible for rapes instead of controlling the libidos of sex starved men! Often I wonder who made these uneducated grotesque creatures the upholders of ethics! Can’t our government once and for all bring an end to these delinquent acts of tom foolery that go on in the name of khaps? I guess I am asking the wrong question for if our so called culturally rich society agrees to submit to this blatant tyranny then what could the government really do (admittedly it’s another story that Central or State Governments hardly do anything at all!).
So yes I am not at all happy with where our country is today or for the matter of fact even where it is headed. I have colleagues, (un)educated mind you, who seek alliances with preferences always being for a fair bride and not a good human being. There is more, if a girl by chance in the case of arranged marriage rejects a guy, then at that very moment she is branded a high headed freak! Why? Isn’t a girl likely to have a choice or a say or this too is a one sided pro-man affair? And all these taking place within the educated strata which is supposed to spear head the revolution of change for our nation!
It is in this elite(pun intended) class of engineers that I was sitting sipping a warm cup of tea when I overheard a conversation that made me realize how horribly I was stuck in the midst of educated illiterates. Two men were discussing how one of their lady team members would speak about working hard not only in office but at home as well where she has to cook for her family. They belittled the work that lady must be putting in every day to go back home, tired from a long day in office but still go on to cook. Their jibes and laughter hurt me for I am a woman too and I know the mammoth effort it takes to manage both ends! I just couldn’t help myself but walk up to them and ask if they actually found it easy to maintain the work life balance and still go home and cook! I figured they must have some reasoning or experience to blatantly ridicule their woman colleague in public. But again, (un)educated as they were they laughed off saying that they had working wives to cook for them so why would they even try! Morons I screamed in my head, they can eat but they can’t cook and still find the heart to make fun of someone who actually does both! So yes, this attitude which is deeply engraved in the Indian male psyche also annoys and irks me. It pushes me to the realization that India is actually not a haven for women. Yes, the land of thousands of goddesses is a living inferno for females in some way or the other.
India is regressing at a rate that will bring it down to a level from where recovery would be next to impossible. We have become shallow as human beings. We boast of a rich history; heritage but the truth is we are the most superficial and narrow minded people around. All that we care about are our utterly ridiculous customs and archaic beliefs and put on a show of a modern society. So yes I am disheartened and upset that this is the India I live in where trying to show people light is comparable to beating our heads against the wall. Wonder where we are headed, to the future or just another stop of the past!
Very true Naba, and it's really sad. Every time women make progress in India, a whole bunch of idiots bring it back down again. It's like two steps forward, one step back.
What do you expect from a hypocrite society ?
Regrettably the Indian society is the way you have described and you have the right to express your anguish over such sad state of affairs.
But then remember, it is not possible to make the society error free all at once. It might take generations or even ages. Impatience generates irrational hatred and that hatred develops further into irrational outbursts. Just as a Jawan pumping his AK 47 aimlessly on unseen enemies. He wastes his bullets and might also cause innocent deaths.
It is not possible to teach any one who is unwilling to learn. Perhaps you might be able to train a wild creature by using force and inflicting pain. But that would have a temporary effect only. You can never trust a trained wild beast fully always !
There are dangers in the forest. Yet the forest is beautiful and peaceful. Wild beasts might cause you harm. But if you are wise enough, you take adequate safeguards before you venture out in the forest.
Our cities and villages are also like that. They are beautiful and ugly all at the same time. You enjoy the good things more if you realize the contrasts. Again you have to use your wisdom to move around safely, protecting you from the beastly people who might be hiding here and there.
Society also needs individuals like you who have the skills to make others think about the ills. It might cause a few to act positively.
Best wishes !!
Well! I agree with the points you have made. But, following or for than matter believing a customer is a matter of choice of an Individual. If you cant change the mindset of our own people, cursing the country as a whole is a bit too much.
Haven't we as a country grown over the years? Remember we are just a sixty-five year old infant. I believe we should be proud of the progress we have made amidst all these corruption, including in the field of women empowerment. Yes there are many things yet to be achieved and a few pigs and donkeys here and there are the roadblocks, but even their numbers will reduce.
A very true, harsh and glaring point you have brought to the fore Nabanita. Women have been suppressed in India since time immemorial. All laws, customs, traditions and rituals made from the point of view of males rather than females.
The creator and nurturer of life is looked down upon and treated as a burden by families. Nothing can be more sadder than this.
Good post. Keep it up
Regards
Jay
http://road-to-sanitarium.blogspot.in/
wonderfully written, Naba and well echoed, but the worst thing about all this scenario is that even women are not far behind in belittling the strides made by fellow females.
You have written it really well Naba.. so true.. a land where kanyas are considered as goddesses and we worship Goddess Durga and Sherawali and a place where we consider even the rivers as dieties but badly ignore and abuse the 'real' women.
When did India treat women fairly? We had such inhuman practices as Sati. What do you expect now when neither women nor men have any value? Only money counts today.
You mention rituals like karvachauth. Why don't women stop doing such stupid things as demanded by these practices? Instead, I witness year after year women wearing their best costumes and showing off in the name of such regressive practices. I wonder when women will learn to value their own dignity without having to depend on clothes and ornaments…
I completely share the same thought Nabanita. But India was not this before. There was a time much before the arrival of Mughals where there was equality among everyone. The reason of the present behaviour is just because the thought process of our fellow citizens have changed through hundreds of years. Now when you see people fighting for women rights, the same people seem to believe in the karwachauth policy back at home. I strongly feel,people should start raising their voices to make this country worth living!!
Do not think that I take the anguish lightly or that I am brushing aside the horrors inflicted on women in various forms, Naba! And, as for how difficult it is to do a hard day's work and then come back home and cook, I have some experience of it being a bachelor and having done it all my working life (though my problem was far lesser than when you have a family to take care of)
I only wish to say that there is hope. It is the fact that women are taking center-stage and opportunities long denied to them are opening up that is making all these rowdy elements act up. It is an unfortunate side effect of a major change and, while decrying what is happening, never lose sight of the fact that the change is happening and is for the good. So, yes, there is hope for India.
Naba, what we are seeing today is just the remnant of the past, where women were treated as dirt even then. Sati / Shaven head, No remarriage, not attending functions.. the list can go on and on..
Unfortunately, we as a country have always been ruled by either oppressors or people who have not believed in the freedom of women. They are seen as persons having greater skill, and of course a challenge to mankind.. This one would never be able to accept..
However a change in culture today too is part of this. With the world becoming smaller with technological advances, one also sees culture and tradition going down the drain.. No doubt for the men, the old saying goes, Ghar ki murgi, daal barabar, however one also sees the opposite gender not wanting to stay within curbs..
Dont get me wrong, yes, there is a fault with men to a large extent when one sees this, but some where, women too have had a part to blame. The good part of this.. Women today are more aware of the problems than they were 20 years ago, and THAT is a positive sign..
Very true!!Well,to me I have made a choice to never fast for my significant other,so its no more fasting days for me!Women has progressed a lot,the male psyche remains the same over the years.Most of the men would never share the work with the other half,but expect their wives to do everything for them.The notions are pre conceived in their brains since their maternal home..the great superior male feeling has to go,if the society in India has to emerge!
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Why India is not for women? People need a girl for different characters like: Mother, Daughter, Wife, Girlfriend, Sister, etc. In fact, women are very important in our society to increase the generation. Help and save girl child.
Agree 🙁 !
Sometimes so much and at times nothing at all Puru !
Well said sir…I hope we bloggers are able to make a good impact in some way !
Well Amit that's a good positive way to look at the things around us… Hope I can see it that way too 🙂
Thanks Jay.. Its nice to see that a man also understands the pains and the feelings of women 🙂
Oh absolutely Meenakshi !!!
Yes indeed Surabhi… I really really hope it changes !!
I agree, since the society wouldn't come forward and do something for its women folk..Its up to us women to change even if that means listening to condescending remarks from family!
I agree hope every woman wakes up to realize she is not born for sacrifices ! She is important as well!
I hope you are right CS … I want to believe in that too..but things around makes me think differently!
Hey Rajesh I don't understand what you mean by the opposite gender not wanting to stay within curbs; I really hope you are not implying women need to stay within some sort of bounds! Rest I agree we are more aware now…!
Agree Ankita…!!
I hope I see some hope soon Mahesh 🙂
Because India just needs women to sacrifice other than that for nothing else really!
Well written Naba!We need to let go the superstitions and preserve our heritage…Guess the onus lies on us to imbibe it on generation next,cause the current lot just dosent want to change! Atleast I wouldnt want my daughter or in law to be that sacrificing goddess…..but stand tall for herself!