When someone asks me about my take on friendship my mind goes through an instant recap. Someone says friendship and I phase out. You know a bit like in movies where flashbacks come and go in black and white hues. I see the first day of school, the day when I had first met my best friend R. Then fast forwarded to a couple of years later I see myself with her again. A few other faces flash by but it is only R who seems to be a constant in my life when it comes to friendship. Her face is one that makes me happy. But there is another face there too, that of a very dear friend, or at least who was very dear once in my life. Let’s call her T. With her face come the good and bad memories as if opening the flood gates, instantly filling my heart with hurt more than anything else.
I think some people are destined to have many friends, many good friends. My sister does. But I surely am not one of those. I don’t bite, you know? But somehow I don’t have many good friends. There are only a few people apart from my family whom I can count as my confidants. R is certainly on top of that list. And then come M and B whom I had first met in junior college. Of-course, I’m only in touch with the latter two through social media but I’m sure if we met it would be the same again.
You know a lot of friends that people make in their lifetime are from their graduation days. I must admit I have no such friend to show from that chapter of my life. Only acquaintances. I mean I did have a bunch of buddies at that point in time but then something happened. They all left me one by one. Why and how. Well these are questions that I often introspect on. All I can say is between T and I, they took T’s side, leaving my companionship. I wouldn’t say I didn’t do anything wrong. I must have done something. But their deserting me altogether was wrong too. You don’t pick between friends that much I know. If they couldn’t accept me the way I was then I guess it was a good thing that they left me. Well, I did try to take a few steps towards them once college was over but there is only so much one can do no? With T I had one of the most turbulent relationships in my life. Can you imagine friendship being violent? Well, being with T taught me that it could very well be so. I don’t think I have cried and been disturbed as much in my life as I have been in those 4 years of graduation when I was closest to her. She is not a bad person at all. In fact she was and still is, I’m sure, a great person. But I guess our friendship was not meant to be. So all I have to show for friendship from my graduation years is a clean slate. And honestly I have stopped caring now.
When I began working I formed rapports with M, P and S, three friends who are now in different parts of the world. But even today we manage to rake up a storm even if only on a Whats App Group. It’s not bad, is it? At least not after considering how difficult it is to form strong bonds in the grown up world.
So there I can just count my good friends on my hand. They are only so many in number. But it’s not so bad. I still have many acquaintances. And then there are S’s and my sister’s friends with whom I always have a great time.
Nonetheless I wish I was still friends with T but I also know that I can’t take any more hurt, not in the name of friendship at-least. I’m happy with the small circle that I have. And because I don’t have many friends I think I find it easier to adjust to a new place where I have to be alone. And quite frankly I would chose being alone any day over a friend who brings sadness and mental stress along.I would have loved to have a group as in F.R.I.E.N.D.S but we can’t have it all, can we? So I’m happy with those few jewels that I can show off. I don’t need the entire sky just a few stars are enough for me. I have stopped needing friends because then there is the possibility of me getting hurt again which I certainly do not want anymore. Moreover, I have R with whom I’ve been friends for most of my life. Many don’t even have that right?
So as bad as it sounds friendship for me is not really a necessity in life. I can live without friends; four years of college has at least taught me that, if not anything else. But that is just my personal opinion. You tell me what is your take on friendship?
***
Linking this post to the Write Tribe Blog Carnival hosted on The Doglady’s Den and also to the Write Tribe Pro Blogger Initiative. Read some great posts here.
Your mention of T and your relationship made me remember my graduation days.. i had gone through a similar incident where i was alienated by the group I hanged around with, purely because I would openly engage in conversation with some guys they didnt approve of. Well everyone sided with the T from my life back then.. but today I dont have any regrets… I realized after that incident that i really did not have a connect with them.
About friendship in general, i feel the friends we made when we were young always stay… love this quote that sort of explains it. "…the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young." 🙂
Lovely post, Naba! I travel in the same boat too. I don't have a FRIEND. Had many, exactly like you said. But I can't pick one to say he/she is my friend- my solace 🙂
Great read..
I have been so lucky that I met some lovely people during college days who helped me change from what i use to be .. s othanks to them i am what i am ..
although life is funny we meet some good and some not so good, I dont like calling them bad as they are only bad for me but obviously they are good for others 🙂
I really beleive in friendship as I dont have a good Mind and my heart does the talking most of the time .. lovely post
quite a coincidence I wrote a post on friendship toooo 🙂
Bikram's
lovely post. I have made such great friends with whom I can trust my life. Friends are so special
Tina from The Sunny Side of Life
I have had some great friends. With some time and distance doesnt matter at all and with some especially from school and college, I feel, I cant relate to them anymore. It is a fact that real test of friendship is during tough times. Have seen some real 'good friends' turning into acquaintances and/or strangers.
True we cannot have the monica geller aniston world. But somehow I feel whatever we have as friends can be someone else's idea of FRIENDS and hence a coveted idea 🙂
Richa
Glad to hear you weeded out the toxic 'friends'. Very healthy that way. I have had a few good, long friendships. Although I do not have much contact with them (they live in other states), I remember the times fondly.
I have some staunch friendship going from my school days…They are my besties…we judge each other…we hurt each other but we know we will standup for each other any day…like your trio my trio too lives in different parts of the world…College friends…I have a couple of them whom I respect just because they have been kindn with me and cared for me…but never admitted me in their "group"….otherwise, i must say i share similar experience like yourself and Seeta in college….But living abroad for past 10yrs…my friends are the family whom I chose…I can't imagine myself without them around…I can't have imagined the change in me without them .. Nonetheless I do aloof myself from time to time just to make sure I can still live without them :D….It doesn't matter how many friends you have…what matters is the quality of friendship that you share with those who are proud to be friends with…..Cheers and need I say you made me nostalgic 🙂
After reading about friendship with R, the last paragraph sure came as a surprise. It isn't about the number one can count but the ones who stand by you through thick and thin making it all the more fun 🙂 Though, I do agree it isn't a necessity. No rules!
Good read Nabanita 🙂
So true Seeta…I have a group of people, all of us grew up together, and we share a bond that I treasure..It's just the bitter memories of the four years are so strong that I know I can be alone and if there are people with me then they are welcome else I'm good all by myself…
I have a few friends Shalzz but the bitter experience was so bitter that I can be alone now and not feel bad too 🙂
Thanks for dropping by
You are lucky Bikram…And I know some people have many great friends…I do have a few, less than 10, but the bad ones just ruined it for me…
Indeed they are so nice to know that you are among the lucky ones 🙂
As always you summed it up Shilpa…So true…
Grass is always greener on the other side…true Richa…it can definitely be so… 🙂
Thanks LuAnn… I'm also glad I weeded them out…
Thanks Vidya…You said it right 'what matters is the quality of friendship that you share with those who are proud to be friends with' 🙂
I agree …It's just that the bitterness of my graduation days overwhelms me about friendship sometimes..and you know it's then that R comes and calms me down 🙂
Interesting post! I too only have a few close friends and can totally relate. Sounds like your "T" was a toxic relationship. Just as well to be rid of that one. Thanks for participating in the Write Tribe Blog Carnival. ☺
Debbie @ The Doglady's Den
The one thing life taught me is that if you do not gel with a person it is better to part. I mean, between family and office, you have enough people whom you have to take the time to understand and adjust to – so where is the point in taking on the same stress with friends as well? For me, the first thing in a friend is the comfort level – and whether we share the same ideas about the thing that go towards being friends (like punctuality and sense of humor and all). If we do not, the relationship does not progress much farther from my side. It is not enough that both of us are individually good people; it is also necessary that we make each other comfortable in each other's company.
It's sad when friendships break because of misunderstandings. Friends help us heal, I have 5 true friend I can count on, the rest are all friends. Knowing that someone has your back is a great feeling.
I remember R. You wrote a post on her, right? Friends come and they may move on and so may you. I have some fabulous friends, a few, but that's enough. You are a lovely person and have a beautiful family. Stay blessed.
I feel your pain Naba and I've wondered why I don't have a big circle of friends too. I mean, I'm not a bad person really 😛 But, I've grown to accept that that's my fate and I'm truly happy with my few jewels too. They're worth more than a hundred others.
Great post!