M is for Motherly

Apr 15
NabanitaDhar
“She’s a bane not a woman” said one.

“Look there goes the woman who thinks too highly of herself to even think about a baby. No wonder her husband left her for another” said the other.

“These days woman take wearing pants too seriously” said the third.

“She’ll die alone and then she’ll realize not even her career can make up for the child she never had” said the fourth.

Rupa had become used to their jibes and hurting remarks. Every day walking from the society’s gate to her apartment she saw people looking at her as if she was the world’s most repelling woman. It hurt her but she never reacted. There were times she wanted to run away too but then that wasn’t how her father had brought her up. This was her home, her life. Why did she have to leave she often thought.

But she was human after all and it made her wonder. It made her rethink her decision so many times a day that sometimes she avoided coming back home early. Today was no different. The moment Rupa closed the door behind, she began to think. It was like her thoughts were on a loop that played over and over again.

‘They said I’ll know when I’m ready. But I never really believed them.

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/to-z-badges-and-banners.html


I always found children lovable but I never really wanted to have one myself.

I know people judge me but what can I do. Can’t a woman decide for herself what she wants?

I did but then Sid didn’t take it too well. He left me. I don’t blame him. But I had told him before we had got married. He had only smiled then and said that I’d change my mind. When I said no he thought I was being naive. Eventually though he gave up. Yes, I don’t blame him.

I’m alright. I can’t do something just because the world wants me to. 

I was judged, I’m judged. But just because I don’t want to have a child of my own doesn’t mean I don’t care about children, that I’m a witch! I’m the best aunt to my nieces. What bothers me is that I have to explain myself. Why can I not be a mother and still feel motherly? Why?’

***

M is for feeling motherly….and that’s the tone of today’s tale…


Linking this post for A to Z Challenge. As I promised in the theme reveal post, as part of the Challenge I’m going to write short stories with one or more emotions beginning with the alphabet of the day as the prompt or central idea for the post. Hope you enjoy the challenge!

Linking this to UBC too.

***
Many of my blogger friends are also taking part in a host of challenges this month. Shower some love on them, won’t you? Oh Please ! You know we bloggers are suckers for comments 🙂
iamstri. Aditi Kaushiva, Amrit Rukhaiyaar, Ananya Tales, Shilpa Garg, Richa Singh, Suzy Que, Corinne Rodrigues, Vidya Sury, Sfurti Sinha, Nibha from Expressions, Shailaja V, Kajal Kapur’s Moviemassala, Sulekha Rawat, Debbie, Beloo Mehra, Swathi Shenoy,Prasanna Rao, Rajlakshmi, Sitara Nair, Kathy Combs, Jayanta, Sreeja

Phew! If I missed tagging you, please shout out here 🙂

42 thoughts on “M is for Motherly”

  4. Jennifer Aniston is not a mother and she still has a rocking life. I dnt know why people poke into someone else's business so much.

  5. My heart goes out to all women who decide not to have their own children, as they are misunderstood by most of people.But I guess its high time for society to start accepting and respecting their decisions !
    Great post NAba!

  6. Society expects everyone to conform to a standard family template and when that does not happen by design or accident, the ones who do not conform have to bear the brunt. It's tragic.

  7. 'Why can I not be a mother and still be motherly'
    How poignant!
    A woman needs the free space to decide and choose for herself.

  8. Who talks like those society women?? I am sure people talk behind my back too – but in front of me – never. The notion that being a parent is the best feeling in the world has been imbibed in us since time immemorial. It is high time we started questioning that.

  9. There is often a judgment on women who, either through choice or circumstance, do not have children. There's an assumption and a presumption regarding what women should do and should be. This is an interesting scenario and I would be interested in learning more about Rupa and her motivations, why she chose as she did and what gave her the strength to hold firm in the face of such condemnation. Interesting story.

  11. Good post indeed. This goes for men too, often. I have no wife, girlfriend nor children, but my nieces love me. For one of them, I know this, I'm the "father" she needs, something her own Dad can't give her. He doesn't understand her.

  12. A woman needn't be a mother herself to feel motherly. And she has the right to decide whether she wants a baby and if yes, when and if no, why. But the society will not accept it that way; they're more bothered about the pimple on your face than the hump of their back !!

  13. I think our Indian society makes a huge hungama about this don't they? I remember when me n my wife couldn't have kids for almost 6 years…people kept asking us why what when…People love to get into others lives and start talking n judging…but it's only us that truly understand why we do what we do….Great post!

  14. The last line is wonderful. It's sad that a woman always is expected to the societal standards. But really, a woman has every right to stand her ground on what she wants.

  15. My heart goes out to women like Rupa…this kind of societal pressure to fit into a certain pattern or mould is not easy to live with, it takes a lot of courage and independence of mind to do so. Looks like Rupa here has all that and more. Good for her! Very nice portrayal of a woman's experience that is so often not talked about in our society.

    Beauty Interprets, Expresses, Manifests the Eternal

  17. I dont really understand this society which has this inclination to pass judgements on women, no matter what she does or no matter how she lives her life. As a mother I know how taxing it is to bring up a child and until a woman is sure of it, no one has a right to pressurize her to have a baby. Loved this Naba 🙂

  18. Oh this is completely me. Only difference is that my husband shares my views on this. Thankfully.

  19. Decisions are personal & yet people will judge.I have see so many, who are not parents loving kids selflessly !

  20. A thought provoking post. Having a child doesn't make a woman's life complete but society has this notion firmly planted in its psyche. Brilliant post.

  21. What I find most interesting is people pass judgement about 'ordinary' people, but admire the same thing in VIPs.
    For example, people admire Mayawati, Mamata, Jayalalithaa, etc. for remaining single to be in public life, but make life miserable for 'ordinary' women who choose to remain single.

  22. I agree with Pheno – do what feels right for you. I have a lot of friends who have no children. Yet they are wonderful loving people. Let;s judge people (if we must) on their love and kindness not on whether they follow the rules society establishes.

  23. Ofcourse you can feel motherly without being a mother. It is always our decision and what is wrong with not wanting kids? Infact it is much better than becoming a parent but not being one.

  24. Don't think about what others say. Please all and you please none. Motherly means loving, caring, sensitive and protective. It doesn't mean holding a bunch of kids. You are lovely just the way you are.

  26. You can be motherly without being a mother. After my mom died, I informed my Dad he had to be both. You can imagine how startled my dad was when I was pregnant and constantly went to him for advice about my woes. LOL He was wondering why. Some folks like other people's kids but really don't want to be tied down to their own. They don't want the commitment that goes with it. That is OK. It is their life to live. People don't have to be a mother to know how to mother others. I agree with Alka. Motherly is loving and caring. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to give birth to have those feelings. ♥

  30. This certainly strikes a chord, as I went much through the same thing. Difference is, my husband felt the same way. We prefer our four-legged kids. ☺

  33. I totally agree with Rupa's thoughts. Motherly love is not only for the one who comes from your womb. I loved the way you manoeuvred the "mother" topic in a totally different and sensitive direction.

  37. There may be upteem number of reasons for not having children. And deciding not to have one is one of them…it is purely personal. Yeah…the society judges for each and everything.

  38. Beautiful portrait of Rupa and her dilemma.. Pity so many people think they have a right to interfere with other peoples life and their decisions..

  39. The world will always be judgmental, eh? I definitely believe one can be a mother without wanting to have her own children.

    beautifully written post, Naba!

  40. We are surrounded by people who expect us to live upto to what they believe, and most of the time they will harass people who are different and refuse to conform to their standards… the decision is purely personal, an imagine rupa 's feelings .. when I married at 36 every one around me decided that i will not conceive because I was "36" but everything changed when I delivered my first baby girl at 38 and am quite happy and then came my son after two more years…. I refuse to bother its my life and my decision .. we are not here to please everyone. Good post ! triggered a lot of responses from within ! thanks for sharing !

  41. In all honesty. I don't see the problem with not liking kids at all. It's like any other choice. I don't see why women are judged for not wanting children. Or if they say the don't like children.

    The 2 AM Writer

  42. a totally different take! makes one think about the norms set up by the society that bars us from taking decisions freely!

Comments are closed.