Opposites attract? Maybe. But for relationships to thrive, it needs work.
The husband and I are two individuals with interests more diverse than in common. Our backgrounds too are completely different. But somehow we ended up together. Needless to say, being together needed some work. But with every passing year, it has become easier and thankfully so. Stronger too. Touchwood. What I often wonder though is what makes a relationship strong?
I believe after the initial excitement of young love, it’s the desire to make it work which has kept us together. Happy together. Content together. And I hope it stays this way. Touchwood!
I won’t say relationships are ever simple but they become simpler with time if you have the intent. And with the right person, it’s definitely worth it. When you go beyond the love at first sight phase, it’s two people working around each other’s flaws that make for a beautiful relationship.
“I no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. But I was beginning to believe that very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.”
― Lisa Kleypas,
What Makes A Relationship Strong?
I think one of the fallacies of young love is that everything will be smooth when you find the right person. But it cannot be further from the truth. It’s through the fights and the challenges that love matures, that a relationship evolves. It’s the circumstances that strengthen a relationship. They say right that life is not a bed of roses? Well, guess what, love isn’t either. If you weather the storm each time, you get the reward of unfailing support which I must tell you is very valuable. With every obstacle tackled together, your relationship grows stronger. It’s like a pot of gold waiting at the other end of the rainbow.
Never confuse a strong relationship with a ‘perfect’ relationship. It’s the former you want. Always.
You’ll have fights. You’ll have disagreements. But all of that is part and parcel of being together. If running at the first sight of trouble is your response, then it’s going to be difficult. Even after almost a dozen years together, we still have fights. My parents who have been together for over three decades now still fight. So, it’s alright because where’s the fun if you keep agreeing with each other all the time?
“Every couple needs to argue now and then. Just to prove that the relationship is strong enough to survive. Long-term relationships, the ones that matter, are all about weathering the peaks and the valleys.”
― Nicholas Sparks
I have come across some great love stories in my life. No, not the Romeo and Juliet kinds that you must have read and fantasised about. These are stories of real people who work hard at their relationship each day. And that’s why when I see people breaking up without even giving a shot at something which they had themselves pronounced as love from rooftops, I wonder if somewhere as a people we are missing out on the whole point of what true companionship or love is about. Or, are we simply losing patience?
“I want to be in a relationship where you telling me you love me is just a ceremonious validation of what you already show me.”
― Steve Maraboli
This is Valentine’s month, a week with celebrations all around. Dates, dinners and gifts. But that’s hardly the point of love and relationships, isn’t it? I’m not saying celebrations and gifts aren’t good but love is much deeper than that. It always has been, hasn’t it? How many of those who celebrated Valentine’s Day together this year will do so next year as well? How many will end up together? This is what I often wonder. Maybe it’s got to do with growing old. Or, maybe I have just heard too many depressing stories of failing relationships in the past few weeks all of which had one thing in common, the lack of the will to make it work.
I’m not a proponent of staying in a relationship when it’s not working. But I do think that if you have gotten into a relationship, you must at least try once to make it work except for deal breakers like infidelity, abuse, indifference, neglect or lack of support from the partner. Don’t give up on the right person because of reasons which might at best be ridiculous. Don’t go by what you see in movies because trust me love isn’t all about dates, big fat weddings or if you choose to go by what Indian Cinema preaches, dancing around trees or Switzerland!
Think about it, a good relationship makes you strong. If you have something special, work through the hiccups and certainly don’t let any third party ruin your chance at something so extraordinary. Of course, do it together.
Your views?
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Linking to #mg hosted by Mackenzie Glanville
I love how you talk about tackling obstacles ‘together’, Nabanita. When both partners unite to address an issue, it brings them closer.
Another trait of a strong relation is the individuality of each partner. The bane of many relationships is expectation that one partner will take the other out of a mess, rather than taking care of his/her own mess. And if we have our own thing to do, our own life to live, we stop making our lives revolving around our partner and demanding that s/he does the same.
Lovely post.
I think that for relationships to work, there hearts should have some common ground. While it is not necessary to have the same likes and dislikes, the core values of two individuals should coincide. When that happens, even along with fights and may differences, life becomes beautiful.
A good post, Naba!
You and I share similar views. Relationships need work, and loads of understanding. I believe its only after the the initial rosy phase has worn down, you truly get to know the person and the compatibility. Plus loyalty is a big factor too. But all in all hard work pays. And it feels great to find someone who will love you and have your back no matter what.
You have such a lovely family… Stay blessed.
Never confuse a strong relationship with a ‘perfect’ relationship. It’s the former you want. Always. – You couldn’t have said it better, Naba.
No relationship is easy but with time it does become stronger. We all have our share of ups and down, but one needs to survive them together and not play the blame game. Mutual respect, understanding and conversations are key for any relationship to thrive apart from love.
Relationships are not easy even with someone you love. After all we are adults with completely different upbringing and perhaps tastes. But yes, strong communication and mutual respect are definitely important. And surely no one should go by books and movies because those are not real.
This is such a thought provoking article. Especially these days where one hears about eternal love on FB and a break up within a few months. Every relationship requires time and effort something which these days seems to be lacking among the individuals.