The weekend went by at whirlwind speed but, tell you what, I have no complaints at all. Two books read, ‘Angel of the Dark’ & ‘In the Darkest Corner’, in two days’ time while soaking in the winter sun sitting in my cozy balcony. Time well spent, don’t you think? And I can’t help but grin from ear to ear basking in the glow of these wonderful books, two awesome tales. I can say that you need to pick these up immediately too, if you haven’t already. Of-course, if I had to choose one among the two than I’d pick the latter. I think it was one of the best psychological thrillers I’ve ever read.Back to the reality of office and I put aside books, though reluctantly, for some time. And when in between excel sheets and applications, I ended up having a chat with my project mates today, all girls, I simply had to write something about it.
The conversation veered from one point to another finally resting on the topic of how our society demands so much out of women, especially when married. Particularly on what women should wear. Yes, that age old discussion of what is apparently ‘appropriate’ for a woman to wear however irrelevant and annoying it sounds.
One of the girls I was speaking to, married just 3 months back, told about how her husband only recently allowed her to wear sleeveless salwar suits. It seems he was against it initially. It’s strange, isn’t it? What a woman wears is suddenly to be decided by another man? Very Sad. Unfair. And to my sheer frustration this is not the first time I have heard something like that. There are women who don’t wear leggings with kurtas because their husbands don’t approve of it.
Do you see what point I’m trying to make here? Why this interference or this need to control a woman’s choices? I really don’t understand. I believe in wearing, eating and doing what I like to. In simple terms, I won’t live my life on your or a third person’s terms. And thankfully I have been lucky to have a partner who respects that. But I guess what I take as liberty is seen as a special allowance by another.
Maybe the way out is for wives to make it clear to husbands that what they wear isn’t up for discussion. But is it that easy for all? I’m not in their shoes so I can’t probably assess that. The fact is not all women can rebel even though I strongly feel that they should. So maybe as a society, as a country, we need to back off. What do you say?
To the control freaks I say…
Let women be. Let them wear what they want to. And if you are so particular about how women should dress and seem to be losing sleep on it, then maybe you yourself can wear or not wear those clothes instead? Don’t dump your thoughts, likes or dislikes, in guise of the culture card on women. Give it up!
Remember, live & let live!
It’s time we toss these controlling habits away for good.
***
 |
| Source |
I don't know what's the big deal with leggings with Kurtis, coz this isn't the first instance I am hearing about it. One of my friends' FIL doesn't approve of that even though she tried explaining how convenient it is. I wonder what makes men a better judge of women's clothing. It's ridiculous!
two books in two days!! you are crazy!! how did you manage that? Do you have ebook?
Hmm – as long as this '..allow…' and '..he has permitted…' attitude persists, this thing will never go away
I just can't imagine my husband trying to tell me what I can and can't wear! I wish everyone was as lucky.
Oh yes, this: "This urge or need to control another person is not healthy." It isn't. And it should be the response the next time someone tries to control us.
Reading books all weekend sounds divine.
It is very complicated in our country, Naba. We have to keep the thoughts of our family in mind. Imagine if you live with your in-laws and they asked you not to wear a short skirt. I know of many girls who abide by the wishes of the family they are married into perhaps for peace of mind or because they don't want to have a fight every day. It needs mature people to handle these differences. More often than not, it is the woman who compromises.
I love that my husband shared his opinion n support in everything I do but I would hate it if he would impose this words.
I'm glad I don't have that issue Nabanita; however, when it does become an issue for women, it could be a form of abuse: see SanchLivingLife's post today. 😉 <3
I thought that people have changed these days and all this controlling thing was something of the past generation. until last week when I spoke to one of my school friend who recently got married, she told me things that her in-laws expect from her and it all seemed straight out of a sidey 70s movie
I know wat u talk of controlling wat ur wife wears,. I hv seen it happening a bit too many times.. theres a diff bn telling ur partner what suits himher and breathing down your choices!
I agree – the urge to control someone is unhealthy and creepy – but a LOT of the Indian men do it.. the need to control their wives is just scary and appalling to say the least!
I see it here everyday and its scary… even the haircut is decide by the husband!
on a separate note – will block those books in the library! They sound interesting
For one thing, it doesn't even make sense to get fashion advice from husbands 😉 But jokes apart, I see this need to control as being very dangerous. It may start with something as small as what to wear etc, but if left unchecked it can go to any extent. I hope your colleague can find a way to draw the line between her spouse offering friendly suggestions and being controlling.
I know Rajlakshmi…Sometimes I wonder if this is just done out of spite or a blatant show of some kind of twisted authority..
Hehe I know….S says the same …! I just didn't do anything unless I absolutely had to , let's put it that way… One was a paperback and the other ebook…
Absolutely agree Suresh…
It happens a lot here Laurel…It's sad to see educated men and women speaking about and at times supporting this
True….I think a line needs to be drawn…
I agree Rachna…Sometimes it's the husband, at times the in-laws while at times parents…a woman more often than not compromises for others…
True Ananya … I would feel the same way…
Agree Ell…I wish all women all around the world could dress, eat and live on their own terms
It's very much there even now Pooja…It's so sad and makes me so angry…
True Mina…I think we all need a device to remind us not to cross that line between suggestion and corecion
Oh it's scary and frustrating !
Do block the books..you'll enjoy them both
I hope so too Beloo…. I really hope so!
Psychological thrillers… I love them! Hope I am able to lay my hands on these 2!
Oh, I have seen so many cases where husbands decide everything for their wives. We have a friend, who does not let his wife eat dinner. He believes that would make her fat!! (And she is NOT fat). And they both are well educated and working at senior positions. I mean how can you ask your wife to not eat! It is outrageous but it happens!
For so many women, the choice of clothes, where to go and whom to be friendly with is often dictated by the husbands too! Sad and ridiculous!
what is wrong with these women ? Why do they have to take permission from anybody other than themselves to wear what they want ? Why do they have to take permission about their clothes ?? WHY WHY WHY ??
I get so bugged when I hear these stories. Isn't it a marker that partners trying to do these should never be their partners at all ?
Even if they are partners already then why not set the boundary, that they have no right to control the sartorial choices come what may ? why is it so difficult to set a boundary?
It is sad and pathetic. People should know better than controlling someone else's choice, be it wife or kids!
What a woman wears is nobody's business but hers. A couple of years ago I had a massive argument with one of my colleagues — she's from India and she told me something along the lines of 'when I get married, I'll understand and have to compromise and wear what my husband tells me'. I lost it. I told her that my parents have never dictated to me what I should or shouldn't wear and no guy I marry will ever do so. At the end of the day, if a woman is comfortable with what she's wearing, everyone else can just go to hell! It's this form of control in marriages that is how domestic violence starts…
Oh my God! Really?
So ridiculous indeed Shilpa! Wonder when all these will change and we will start giving our attention to things which are actually important
I don't know… You know I have the same questions…But then I wonder is it as easy for every woman…For some I know it's easy but they still choose to keep mum…I can understand this coming from woman in villages, devoid of education but not from working women certainly…It's sad… and shows how bleak the future truly is if even educated women have to bend to these
Absolutely Vinitha….Absolutely!
Absolutely Sanch…This is ridiculous that we need to listen to a guy…No way…I think our generation needs to bring the change and voice it even more…because some of us are sadly not doing anything about it