Missing Life!

Aug 19
NabanitaDhar

Sam Ewing beautifully orchestrated what I have been feeling for the past few days ‘When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn’t the old home you missed but your childhood.’ I recently visited Shillongwhere I spent my entire childhood before being engulfed in the never ending battle of what we call life. The house, lanes, school, friends and teachers; I left everyone behind when I ventured out to make something of myself but was it worth it? Leaving behind what was once very much a part of me and what now only exists by virtue of Facebook likes or pokes?
Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. –The Wonder Years

So much has changed since the carefree days of my existence where my only responsibility was to study. I had all the time and luxuries in life; even the choice to do what I wanted and the way I preferred. But now that I am all ‘settled’, at least that’s what they say; I have no time for anything apart from the mundane work and the much detested kitchen. The trip down the memory lane made me realise that the days that I so relish are long gone only to be revisited in the hearts silent whispers. The blithe life that I once knew is never to return. If this is what growing up means then I so wish to travel back in time; start my life over again!
In childhood, we press our nose to the pane, looking out.  In memories of childhood, we press our nose to the pane, looking in.  ~Robert Brault

The daily struggle of going to school; home works and tests; teachers and friends; class picnics and serene family time with parents and siblings is what I long for! Strange are the ways of life more so for women; they need to give up so much and begin a new life. They need to hold on to the past and the present together while men have no such choices to make. It annoys me that it is expected of a woman to spend time with her parents and siblings only during vacations while a man never has to let go of his family. If a woman chooses to do the same she is termed a bad wife and an even worse daughter-in-law. Of course, one may say things have changed but I know for a fact this thought process thrives till today. Unfortunate I know but not impossible to change I am sure!
A thought crosses my mind every time I fell sick my parents were by my side no matter what. But today when they need me more than ever I am engrossed in the never-ending run for survival. What had happened and what has changed in our society; its way of living in the span of a few years? What such a paradigm shift where we get only a week or so in a year to spend with family and friends? Is it really worth it? When I became an engineer and started working I was of the opinion that I had become free but as I look back now I was just shackled by the corporate honchos for a few bucks; having to give up or put off everything that mattered to me. So much decay in the way life functions these days; sad but again a universal fact!
I’d give all wealth that years have piled,
The slow result of Life’s decay,
To be once more a little child
For one bright summer day.
~Lewis Carroll

Until the next visit I shall carry the sweet twinge of a lost childhood; until the next holiday I shall with fervour lead a humdrum life; until the next visit I shall try not to let life spiral in a mechanical path; until the next break I shall carry Ma’s touch; until the next leave I shall reminisce papa’s hug; until the next time I shall dream each day of a blissful few days as my parent’s princess!
The older I grow the more earnestly I feel that the few joys of childhood are the best that life has to give.  ~Ellen Glasgow

31 thoughts on “Missing Life!”

  2. That was a lovely post Nabanita!
    I could find myself nodding and agreeing wit all that you've said.
    I wish I could return to my childhood and do things over again. Alas! It will remain a dream…

    I absolutely loved this post 🙂

  6. Aha..those were the days, Nabanita!! Beautiful post…Long live the memories of those lost days in the folds of our hearts:)

  8. Yes those beautiful days… when tension meant only the anticipation of exam results… I really connect to the helplessness of yours, because it is mine too…Lovely post Naba…

  18. I wrote it just few hours before leaving my mom's place Indu…I just didn't want to leave but I had to!! Hate being grown up sometimes!

  19. The post reflects the pain and sorrow!
    The harsh reality keeps overgrowing on the happy moments 🙁
    But don't let the child within you lose hope and strive to bring back the liveliness back into the life! 🙂

  23. such a true post Nabanita..the one week break I get I spend it at my in-law's place since my mother-in-law is not keeping well..but I am never by my mother's side when she is not well..I always try to be an ideal daughter-in-law but could never be a good daughter..and that is life!!!

  24. Great recollections. I was in Shillong last December. Beautiful place. By the time we left the town to Chera, we were in love with the narrow streets winding all around the hills and the little shops that sell almost everything.

  25. I agree Ranita that's what happens..But why aren't a girl's parents as important as a boy's? I really detest our society for such mentality!

  27. I've lost two of my closest relatives to road accidents, and not a single day goes by without remembering them, without wishing I told them how much they mean to me and spent more time laughing and growing with them. We have only one life, if we don't do what we like the most we might as well not exist.
    Yes social conundrums and pre-judiced conventions might hinder your will to relax and be happy, but please don't let that define you instead you define who you are.
    If you need to spend more time with your parents, do that, if you need to do something career-wise or even spend time with friends do that. Once you start laughing from inside the society will become jealous and try to put you down, its because they can't be who you are.

  28. enjoyable and give a peek into woman's perspective of life in Indian society – an excellent portrayal of bharatiya nari and her changing aspiration and yet so painful …. I really feel sad… in the end ….but when I look back to childhood from a male perspective…I remember in those days we used to dream of freedom, when becoming adult….going to school were banal….rainy days were always welcome…there were teachers and classes that were feared for the whip ….And used to think that WE ARE THE WORLD …WHEN WE BE THE ADULT… . 😀
    Thanks
    I want to share your link in my blog http://indian-writer.blogspot.com, if you may permit.

  30. Yes Gautam I know perhaps boys never have to fear leaving their parents and hence these remain their worries …

    And I definitely would like to read your blog 🙂

  31. It is sad but true, the biggest truth of our life probably. We all go through this cycle and what ever happens life goes on. 🙂

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