#MommyTalks – 8 Lessons From 8 Months Of Motherhood

Jul 25
NabanitaDhar


 They say if you want to do something well, prepare for it. But what happens if you don’t?


When I took the decision to become a mother, I literally just decided to be a mother. I didn’t think too deeply about it nor did I prepare for it. Much like everything else in life, I didn’t ponder on the question too much. All through my pregnancy too, I kept postponing anything that required imagining my life post childbirth. Honestly, I didn’t want to worry too much before it was time. And now that 8 months have passed since that eventful day when M came into our lives, do I regret not preparing myself for it? Well, I don’t know, the jury is still out on that.

But I certainly have learnt quite a number of things on the job. Practical experience does that to you. So, here I am, just another ordinary woman sharing 8 lessons she learnt in these 8 months of being a mother.

8 lessons from 8 months of motherhood


I’m a superwoman too

While every woman is a superhero, no superwoman in her own right, I didn’t know I was one too. No, I’m not joking. I really am the quintessential super-duper-heroine with a host of superpowers. Well, how else do you explain the things I have done in the past few months? Because I never thought I could do them in the first place. The birthing experience, for one. I never thought I could go through so much pain, so so much pain, and live to tell the tale. I never thought I could function without getting 8 hours of sleep at a stretch or that I could juggle a baby, work and my writing, even enjoy doing the same. It’s exhausting and I’m perpetually tired but I’m doing it. So, am I a super-heroine or not?

Everyone thinks they know what’s best for my child

Well, as a species, humans tend to have boundary issues. So, is it really surprising that I find so many noses meddling in which is probably just my family’s business? I should force feed my eight-month-old every 2 hours because the aunt of my colleague’s husband’s mother thinks so. Or, I should not use formula milk. The suggestions are not only countless but never ending, at times hilarious too. Well, I can’t change them but I have learnt to ignore them altogether. Or, write a post to get over them.

I’m still a woman first

I’m still a woman. I still believe in the same things. I have dreams, aspirations and hobbies. I haven’t given up on anything on account of becoming a mother. Yes, I’m pressed for time and need some planning but I haven’t, and I won’t stop being my own person. I have learnt how important it is to keep my identity alive along with this new role.

I’m fallible

Parents make mistakes too. I remember the first mistake I made as a mother. That taught me how I need to remember that I’m learning too and sometimes I may goof up. I need to go easy on myself because it is a lifelong role and I can’t afford to burn out so soon.
Being a working mother isn’t a sin

I won’t say it has been easy leaving M in the crèche. Quite the contrary really. I have had my doubts about my decision. I have wondered if I’m enough if this is not wrong. Tell you what, it isn’t. Being a working mother is neither a sin nor a sign of neglecting my child. I’m a mother regardless of my job status. I owe no one any explanation.

It’s okay to crave for some me-time 

I do. And I get that when I’m in the office or when everyone is asleep. I’m not a machine on duty. So, it’s perfectly alright to be happy when I get some free time even if it’s when M is in the crèche. There’s nothing to feel guilty about wanting to heave a sigh of relief.

Got to let go of a few fetishes

Not to long ago I was a cleanliness freak. Well, you could say I was Monica (from FRIENDS). But I had to let that go. Well, not completely of course but now I have accepted that dusting every day is a distant dream. The possibility, extremely rare. There’s only so much I can stretch my body to and I really don’t have the stamina to include dusting in that.

Happy me equals a happy child

It’s pretty simple really. I can raise a happy child only if I’m happy myself. So, all along this journey, I need to remember this, for her and for myself.

Well, those were the introspective eights of my stint as a mother so far.

Tell me, what you think? And what lessons have you learnt on a similar journey?


36 thoughts on “#MommyTalks – 8 Lessons From 8 Months Of Motherhood”

  1. Loved those insights. I am sure you will be piling them on as time progresses. Lots of love to the little puchka and her cute mom. <3

  2. 8 lessons learnt and so many more to come.. 🙂 The baby looks so cute, Congratulations dear. Wish the best for both of you.

  3. The last point sums it all up. If you are happy, you can make others happy. Keep going.. with this attitude.

  4. I love how parenting moulds each of us into this person who reflects on her personality and yes, you're right. We all learn as we go along and do the best we can with regard to the bundle in our lives 🙂

  5. Yes Naba its true. Women tend to feel guilty pf leaving kids at creche and often bogged down by pressures/advice of neighbors'aunts. Women stop being themselves once they enter motherhood. All mums should read and learn from your post. Well written.

  6. Way to go 8 month old mummy. Imagine all the insights you will have when you become a 40 year old mummy???? Just kidding. You can never really be prepared for motherhood and that is the joy of it all. Every moment comes as a surprise. Just enjoy and remember that YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT and YOU KNOW BEST

  7. You absolutely nailed it. "Happy you is a happy child." I have 4 children and 3 grandbabies and I can tell you this, my daughter is a waaaaay better mom than I was because she is very much as your post describes. I was too hung up on perfection and listening to everyone in my family about what I should and shouldn't be doing. Eventually I let all of that go but I sure wish I had done it sooner. You moms coming up rock. 🙂 #Monday Musings

  10. When you become a parent, you become a student once again…..:)….There are so many things you learn on the way, so many mistakes you make, so many correction cops you face…..Life changes….for good….:)

  11. Those are some good lessons, Naba. I am not a mother but I know that you need to be you to give the best your girl.

  12. 🙂 You're a very wise woman/Mom Naba. The truth is "Happy me equals a happy child" and that makes perfect sense. You don't have to worry about anything else! Hugs!

  13. Valuable lessons, Naba. Continue trusting your instincts and keep learning. It's a never ending process. After 6 years I'm still learning. 🙂

  14. Oh dear Superwoman, you have summed it so well in the last learning. There cannot be a happy child without a happy mother. So continue to do things which make you feel happy and complete. Being a happy person is important will be the most important lesson you will be passing on to your daughter.

  15. Wonderfult houghts there Naba… OCD with a baby around will only lead to more graying of hair 😛 So it's good that you let it go. Hope you find more reasons to be happy everyday 🙂

  21. Thanks so much , Shilpi…I'm just trying to do what I can. I hope I can keep these things in mind in the future too 🙂

  23. Thanks so much… We have only learnt by observing our mums..So the real heroes are you , no I should say heroines are you mums 🙂

  30. Thanks so much , Anamika…It means a lot coming from you, from one superwoman to another 🙂

  33. Isn't it wonderful to see the various sides of our own self? And we don't even know if they exist or not! You seem to be a perfect job and it really sounds good when you say that you continue to do what you used to do, be it your hobby or anything else! I too believe in the same. Before anything else, we're first woman, we're first ourselves and then the various titles we carry along!

    Cheers
    Geets

  34. Those are some fantastic learnings from 8 months of mommyhood. As a mother, you are the best judge of what's best for your child and nobody else. And let me tell you that you are doing great, Nabanita!

  35. Two of my colleagues had extremely stable children calm beyond their years at ages 4 and 5 respectively, and both had been crèched. Good decision.

  36. Two of my colleagues had extremely stable children calm beyond their years at ages 4 and 5 respectively, and both had been crèched. Good decision.

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