What comes to mind when I say – the most challenging job ever undertaken in life?
Think.
If I were to answer the question, I’d say being a mother. Yes, it wins hands down among the several other things I have ever done or attempted to do in life. At least, up until now. I’m sure being a father is no walk in the park either but only a father can share that side of the story.
Anyways, back to motherhood.
Come to think of it, I always did know that being a mother wasn’t easy, far from it actually. The difference now though is I’m experiencing it first hand. It is high octane stuff, mind you, with not a moments rest. Yes, believe me.
It’s tough and exhausting. But that’s not all there is to it. The perks, of course, are wonderful too. There is that warm cuddly feeling unlike any other you would have ever experienced, that love for your offspring.
Well, truth be told, nothing in this world is that simple, right? You need to work for, more or less, every damn thing.
You know if there is one job in this world where the very prospect of failing cannot even be entertained but where failure still is inevitable on occasions, it’s called being a mother.
So, how’s this journey going?
Well, I’m learning. Each day I’m learning something new. Sometimes I’m in awe of my own ability to take care of this new life entrusted to me while at others I’m annoyed at the silly mistakes I make.
Sometimes, I wish babies came with a manual written by the Almighty above so that I could follow it to the very last detail. What to do, how to do or what not to do. Of course, there is no dearth of resources and advice but you know what I mean?
So, without that manual how does one tackle decisions in motherhood or rather parenthood?
Then there was the talk of applying kajal to our newborn’s eyes. Again, we sought our doctor’s advice on the matter and he said not for the first few months we shouldn’t. So, till today, we haven’t applied any on her.
Okay, I just realized that we probably came across as parents who call the pediatrician at 3 in the morning for the silliest of doubts but I assure you we aren’t. We just choose to trust the doctor more. Makes sense?
But even parents are fallible, you know?
Now this is not easy for me to write or admit because as a mother you don’t really like to make mistakes. Yes, I remember writing once out of frustration that I should be allowed to make my own mistakes. This was after being bombarded with unwanted advice. It is my own journey, being a mother, and I wanted to do things my way, still do. I still don’t want unsolicited advice from every new direction. But, having said that, I don’t think I’d like to make mistakes when it comes to her. Avert them, if possible, really. But I did eventually make one, first of many more to come, I suppose.
So, this is what happened.
When M was about a month old, she developed diaper rash. Quite common among babies, nothing that needed alarm bells to be rung. But still, we immediately consulted our paediatrician (during normal hours and also during an already scheduled visit!) about what to do. New parent anxiety, you could call it. Anyways, he suggested we use a nappy cream and that we did. Simple, right? But not quite.
I ended up applying more of the cream that I should have. So, instead of comforting her, my actions caused the rash to spread. Babies have very sensitive skin and my mistake hurt my little munchkin. I still hate myself for letting my baby go through the pain. But thankfully, S realised what was happening and I horrified at what I had done, looked at him for the next step.
What did we do?
S had read somewhere that coconut oil is best for a baby’s skin. So, we stopped using the nappy cream and switched to coconut oil instead. Apart from that, we also gave her nappy free time under the sun. And what do you know? The rash disappeared in a matter of days and ever since then it hasn’t returned. Touch wood.
But I do know it will probably happen again as long as she keeps wearing diapers, which she will for quite some time in the foreseeable future. The difference now is that we know what to do.
So, our takeaway from this episode was to seek our doctor’s opinion, follow it and at times even try those harmless tips and tricks we would have read or heard about.
Of course, all that still does nothing to the guilt that I harbour for not doing my job properly. It’s silly because I know I’m bound to slip sometimes. Only I need to be careful that it doesn’t hurt her in the long run or cause her harm in ways that can’t be reversed. But I guess a mother’s heart isn’t quite willing to forgive her own self. Well, at least, not just yet.
So, tell me, do you have any such stories to share? Or, am I the only one to have faltered?
Darling, we have all made mistakes. I have trimmed Gy's nails too close and caused her finger to bleed. I looked away for a few seconds and she fell off the bed and onto the floor at 5 months. You can imagine my horror! Later she fell off a bike and had a deep gash on her forehead which required 4 stitches and a scar for life. Trust me. Mothering is hard. Nobody can admit to never having made mistakes. It's not possible 🙂 Don't worry too much and yes, go with your gut and by the doc's advice. Always 🙂
Your posts on M make me go Awww all the time. I feel so happy just by reading your posts that I might change my mind someday about not wanting to have one.
I am so happy that you have not made your life only about being a mother. That is the biggest fear I have. But seeing you handle it so well is inspiring.
We are all humans, we all make mistakes and learn from it. Why is there a need to make an exception for a mother? You just relax and have a good time with M. Trust your doctor and your instincts. Learn as time passes 🙂
Many times Naba, too many times to count. Don't beat yourself up…we are learning too and for the first time parents, we want everything to be perfect for our baby. Rely on your instincts and knowledge.
There are many stories. To the extent, if the younger one has fever, we do not even go to the doctor nowadays. 16 years of experience being a mom does that. Also, do not panic if the child is not well. Our panic makes the child grumpy too. Count on the good doctor and advice from others with a pinch of salt.
Be prepared Naba this is the first of many many mistakes you will make. You have to learn to stop beating yourself up after each mistake. And as they get older the doctor will be little help and there will be times you won't even be sure if you did make a mistake at all. Mums have to be satisfied with the thought that they did the best they possibly could – it may/may not be 'the' best.
Naba, we too learnt and still learning the art of parenting by our mistakes only !!!
Naba, the journey of parenting is strewen with lessons… We make mistakes, learn, sometimes unlearn too… That's how it is…i have made mistakes when it came to feeding solid food for my kiddo.. Kept giving her spoons at quick succession… Only to realise that she later had a problem learning to chew… She had all the while been gulping her food… I had a tough time then trying to teach her to chew… After years when it was my younger ones turn, I had my previous experiences and it didn't matter to me if she completed her bowl or not.. But I thought her how to chew first !!!
I'm sure it can all be so exciting and scary the first time around, Naba. I've watched enough friends, aunts, cousins and a sister-in-law cry over mistakes they've made with their babies to know what you're going through is par for the course! I think every Mom and Dad learns to do what works for them and their particular bundle of love!
Don't worry, I am sure every mother must have gone through this. In fact I have friends who become so guilt ridden thinking they are bad moms, but that's how you learn… and I guess that's an essential part of motherhood too. Wish you and your little munchkin good health and happiness 🙂
As a doctor, you can only begin to imagine the kind of things I have seen parents do unwittingly to their children. Trust me, wrong concepts and ideas have resulted in scary emergency operations at times.
Compared to that, this is one of the simplest and commonest errors that most mothers will acknowledge they have done.
Keep a track of doubts you may have, discuss with your doc the next time you meet him/her (all the questions together instead of 2am, 3am, 4am calls 😛 )
It's a learning process, Naba.
We are all discovering.
Nice that the little one's rash disappeared. May your angel be blessed.
I am a new dad and we are avoiding diapers as much as possible and when we have to, we use ultra soft newborn diapers. And yes, the usual routine of early morning sun bath, massage using 'til ka tel', a home made powder did wonders.
Oh, there have been so many incidents that I feel so guilty and horrible about. My munchkin is 10 now and I still feel I am learning. Don't take things too hard for only when you make these small errors will your child and you learn
Oh, we are human and we also learn through mistakes. So it's perfectly fine, Naba. This is very minor. I remember once when Sid was 7 months old, I lost my footing. He was strapped on to me in a baby carrier and as I fell, his head got bumped and poor thing was under so much trauma. I have blogged about this incident. You can imagine my guilt at an incident which was an accident. Luckily, G was calm and never blamed me once. And Sid was fine after the incident. So yes, each experience will be a learning experience. As far as listening is concerned, listen to everyone, nod and do what you think is right. 🙂
🙂 I had the exact same issue when Vidur was a baby. Too much cream and then feeling stupid and switching to the age-old coconut oil. We are so anxious to get everything right that we try and go by advice/the book – but I discovered quickly that instinct is as good a doc as any, most of the time unless it is a serious health issue. I think you are a wonderful Mommy, Naba! Hugs!
Oh you know Shailaja, it's a relief to know that I'm not the only one..I guess gradually as I ease into this role more, I won't beat myself up so much 🙂
Thank you so much, Soumya..You just made my day…I'm trying and to be frank, it is my fear too that I won't be able to do all those things that I want to do..That's why I have promised myself to never let that happen..I won't say it is going to be easy but I won't give up on everything else that I am..And you do what you think is best for you dear, always!
Thank you so much, Janaki…I'll try to do as you say, instincts and knowledge it is 🙂
No to panic…Okay…Will do Lata 🙂 Thanks for sharing our experience 🙂
Yes, you are so right Tulika..I need to remember that the important thing is she is okay and I'm giving my best 🙂
I guess I don't have to feel I'm the only one 🙂 Thanks, Vasantha
Thanks so much for this..I guess it's a journey where we learn from small mistakes and keep hoping that we don't do our little ones any harm 🙂
You said it, Corinne…I think we just need to do what we think is best for our own little one
Thanks so much , Rajlakshmi… I guess feeling guilty is also part of the process, learning I think..I'm just glad I'm not the only one 🙂
hehe I can imagine, Doc…We do that, atleast try to..Our pediatrician also asks us to list down all concerns and ask him, he is like the professor who first comes to class and asks us to get our doubts from the previous lessons cleared 🙂
Thanks so much, Anita..You are right it is a learning process
oh that's great…I think we need to find out what works for us and our little ones 🙂
Thanks, Ami…You know it is so reassuring to know that all mothers make some mistake or the other but as long as the little one is okay, it's fine..
Oh I didn't read that post of yours, Rachna…You are right we are humans and hence can and will make mistakes…and it's okay…Thanks 🙂
You know, Vidya, I feel I lack that instinct about what could work for her but S seems to have got the hang of it..I guess I will learn…And thank you so much , Vidya…Hugs right back at you 🙂
Enjoy the learning process.. keep a notebook of your trials and errors.. someday you can pass it along to your child who will then have a manual of sorts to help her along 🙂 Have a great week!
It's a learning as you already know from all the comments 🙂
It's okay – Guess being a Mum is the only job where you won't be asked to leave if you don't do it right! 😉
I hear tales like these from my friend. And it is always a delight to read/hear.. only to an extent in one go I guess. Anything that we do, teaches us something, only if we make mistakes, and that is how we learn more. At first we're wary of those, but once done, we realize they taught and gave us so much more..
Just enjoy this time and go and do what you feel is right for you and M and the rest will all be settled 🙂
Cheers
Oh, yes, like in all the roles in life – nobody is perfect. You do the best you can, and love unconditionally and thats all you need – and your child. You are good enough. Hugs
Oh, I can only imagine what you would have gone through. Enjoy the time with your lil' M. You are such a lovely mommy 🙂
P.S: For some weird reason my comment is pointing to a blogger profile which is not in use. Adding my URL here: http://somethingiscooking.com/
Welcome to the club, Naba! The Guilt Club. Trust me, you'll never miss making one mistake when it comes to parenting. And I have realized that the quilt is because of the high expectations we have set for ourselves as parents. Our generation at least admits making mistakes. That I guess is the biggest correction. So chill and have fun Mommy. 🙂 Diaper rashes are absolutely common. But the sun bath and coconut oil massage keeps it away.
Welcome to the club, Naba! The Guilt Club. Trust me, you'll never miss making one mistake when it comes to parenting. And I have realized that the quilt is because of the high expectations we have set for ourselves as parents. Our generation at least admits making mistakes. That I guess is the biggest correction. So chill and have fun Mommy. 🙂 Diaper rashes are absolutely common. But the sun bath and coconut oil massage keeps it away.