#MommyTalks : Questions On My Mind During Pregnancy

Mar 10
NabanitaDhar
 
You might have planned for it, even chosen the right time for it but can I tell you something? When it actually happens, you’ll still feel totally under-prepared. Yes, under-prepared, scared and nervous too. A positive on a pregnancy test can do that to you.
It was around this time last year when we found out that I was expecting. We found out that in a few months time, a part of ourselves would start living outside of us. We found out that in 9 months time we would be holding a new life in our hands, a life more precious to us than our own.

It was a happy, happy news no doubt. But the joy brought along with it lots and lots of questions and doubts. The news left me apprehensive and worried even though I was expecting it to happen. Though I knew I was ready to be a mother, I don’t think I really was. I don’t think anyone can really be ready. You can start wanting to be a mother but there isn’t really a particular point or milestone where you can say you are ready. But that’s just what I think.

 

Parenthood isn’t easy and the change is too huge to be contained in a few words.

Choosing to become parents is a huge step for a couple. And honestly, I was worried what would happen to what S and I have. I cannot even begin to tell you the kind of doubts that surfaced.

 

  • Would we still love each other as much?
  • Would we still get to spend time with each other?
  • What would happen to our life as a couple?
  • Would we stop enjoying each others company?
  • Would our child take up all our time, leaving nothing for us?
  • Would we still binge watch serials and movies together?
  • Would we still get to eat out together in different restaurants, something we love doing?
  • Would we become like those couples who drift apart after having babies?
  • Would we just become two individuals living under the same roof and stop sharing a life?
  • What if he loves our child more than me? (It’s insane, I know, but at that point, this worried me)
I know, I sound silly to you, don’t I? You might even think why did I even decide to be a mother if I had so many doubts. Well, you are not the first one. Trust me, this thought often crossed my mind too.

What am I doing? I often found myself asking the same question to the reflection in the mirror.

But as I type this post, in between changing nappies, feeding and playing with this almost 4-month-old munchkin, I realise I shouldn’t have been so scared after all. If anything, S and I have grown even closer after M’s birth. If we were finishing each other’s sentences earlier, now we don’t even have to say anything.

Of course, S always knew we would be fine. If it wasn’t for him, I would probably have lost my mind over-thinking the whole thing. But still parenthood isn’t easy and the change is too huge to be contained in a few words.

I still say that you don’t have to become parents if you don’t want to. But if you do, trust me it’s going to be very difficult. Your activities will revolve around that little munchkin. And you will probably be exhausted, annoyed and even irritated more than you used to be earlier. There will be days when even a moment’s rest will elude you. And this is only based on about 4 months of experience.

If parenting was easy, our parents would never have had those lines on their forehead, would they? So, yes this step will be life changing. There will be more responsibilities and a holiday will never really be a holiday for the first few years. But if the rapport between your partner and you is real, this change will only bring you closer.

For us, this change has been overwhelming in a beautiful way. We have these moments when we just sit together after tucking M in every night. I read a book and he plays clash of clans (That this game annoys me is a different story altogether) or, we just talk about life. I don’t think we have ever been closer before. We now have a daughter to dote on and we love doing it. We plan for our future, we talk about the things we want to do as individuals, as a couple, and for M too. I’m not saying we have suddenly become this perfect couple. Not at all. We still have our fights, arguments and disagreements. So, that’s another thing that hasn’t changed. But we are happy. Yes, that’s the word.

 
The fear we had that we would have to stop living our lives and just stop at being parents was unwarranted. We are still very much living our lives. Our schedules have just gotten a little more jam-packed than they used to be. Our movies have more breaks than usual and our dinner is, at times, done in sprints, but we still manage to do everything which we did together earlier. We are still a couple, a couple who happen to be parents too.
 

So, before you go, tell me if you had the same fears? Or, am I the only weird one out here?

 

37 thoughts on “#MommyTalks : Questions On My Mind During Pregnancy”

  1. Sounds so much fun, Nabanita and yet so scary too. To think that you are responsible for shaping the life of another – great power and responsibility! 🙂

  2. Here's some reassurance – I had a lot of those same fears. I can also tell you, there are challenges along the way, as your child grows and develops. But you sound like you are ready and able. Good luck with your parenthood journey. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com

  3. You are not the only one. I remember going through same doubts. But now when I look back, I wish I had a few more. Ok, not a few but one more kid. 🙂

  4. All these worries are very natural, I guess. Ateast to me. Whenever me and hubby have the talk – are we ready?, when should we plan?, do we truly want this? – all the questions you have mentioned pop in my head.

    I just love your parenting tales, Naba. So honest and warm. Lots of love!

  5. Just wait till you become a grandma. Motherhood is an evolving situation that is really rewarding despite all the hard times. Enjoy!

  8. Definitely not Naba. For me, I think it took time for me to accept motherhood as a way of life and didnt happen when the biological event happened. My thinking had to change in a lot of ways. It's a very natural thing to happen for a couple who have been on their own and had a lot of freedom to do what they want. It has a huge impact on your relationship as well. Since I have gone through it, I would love to share if you want to. Do ping me in case you need 🙂

  9. Bringing a life into this world is the most gorgeous and scary experience ever, because parents want to do everything perfectly! Along the way the love and learning gathered is invaluable. Such a lovely post, Naba. Stay blessed!

  11. What an honest post Naba! Well, as you rightly said, one can never be ready for this change in life. Having a child and then shaping him or her in a good human being is a big responsibility. I'm sure M is in right hands 🙂

  12. Awww this is such a cute post. Makes me want to go and hug my mother. I have no experience of this but just thinking of being pregnant makes me afraid….not afraid of the baby but afraid of the millions of things that could go wrong.

    Loved reading this. I didn't even know that you had a baby! Congrats!!!

  13. It is both the thing really, Corinne..It is at times so overwhelming that you look for reassurances..

  14. Thanks so much , Alana…It is so heartening to hear from people who are parents themselves..Gives me courage for this journey

  15. Is it? Well, we have decided to just have M ..I don't know if we'll end up thinking like you later…Thanks for the reassurance, Alka 🙂

  16. Thank You, Aditi….I can only say, take the step if you want to and not because of anything else 🙂

  18. Indeed Inderpreet..I have realised it is better to express our fears than to keep them bottled up. Helps to go through life and its challenges

  19. Thank you so much….It makes me happy and also puts me at ease that not everyone becomes a mother from the word go..There are doubts, fears and nerves and it's all normal..Thanks so much really 🙂

  21. We worry about the same thing too, Aparna..Even now when we hold her there are so many fears..What if we fail to be good parents? What will happen to her?

  22. Thanks so much Parul..I'm just trying to share my experience with everyone.Maybe it will help someone else just as it is helping me gain some perspective

  23. Thank you so much , Red….
    Missed you! Loved your latest post..Don't go awol on us again and go give your mother that hug 🙂

  24. You're most certainly not alone with your fears. In fact, my wife wondered about it a lot more than I did – and she did often ask me too.
    Well, things have a way of working out. So put those fears to rest.

  25. All of the above and then some fears too 🙂 It's life-changing in more ways than I care to count. In our case it happened after being told we could never have a baby so the joy was incredible when we found out. Post baby of course things were not so smooth sailing for the first 6 months but as we have grown into this role Nature has chosen for us, we thrive in it and give thanks to God for being in these shoes. You're perfectly normal to ask all those questions. I am sure most of us have at some point 🙂

  26. You guys make it seem so easy and lovely! If I ever decide to get there Cal and I will come to you guys for some coaching!

    I'm absolutely loving your parenting posts Naba! 🙂

  28. Thanks for the reassurance, Shailaja.. It helps knowing that we are not the only ones to have had and still have these fears

  29. Ahh naah it's not easy but yes with a good partner we can always make it..and come by anytime, we'll help any way we can..thanks for your support as always:)

  30. Such a comforting post, Naba. In a way, I feel so proud of you. I was party to some of your pregnancy and your fears, not the couple related ones though. 🙂 It is so gratifying to be in this role. I did it twice over, the challenges huge each time but so very rewarding. Now when I look at them, I have this wave of pride and happiness sweep over me. And, I feel that having a child together brings you close in a way nothing else does. The shared angst, the growing together, the worries and now as they grow into another phase, we brainstorm, each resorting to our strengths to tackle areas we can handle best. Such a huge responsibility it is and not easy at all, but totally worth it. Stay blessed. Lots of love.

  32. The questions are valid. It is natural to have these doubts since it's all new to both of you. And also because few of my friends had these too. I am glad that the fears were unwarranted 😀 Take care 🙂

  33. Hmmmm….so it's all natural. I never spoke about these fears or doubts with anyone except V. My biggest worry was whether V would be good with kids. Having spent very less time with my Dad, I wasn't sure how other fathers are. But trust me I was so so happy to see how good he was with the girls. I sometimes tell him that he is the mother and I am the father. That's exactly how I feel.
    Trust me, your bond will only be strengthened here on. The common connect being the baby. 🙂

  34. Thanks so much, Rachna.. You were only a few among my friends who knew about my pregnancy and even knew some of my fears. And hopefully one day I can feep the sane emotions , all different kinds of emotions that you talk about..lots of love to you too:)

  37. Thanks Rekha for those reassuring words and for telling me about your doubts and fears. At least I know now that I'm not the only one who has felt these..

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