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Fellow Moms,
How are you doing today? Exhausted? I know you probably are. Being a mom does that to you. Anyways. Thinking about what to cook for dinner? I’m too. Isn’t it an annoying thing to be concerned about? Or, are you having a bad day at work and need a drink but can’t since you have a toddler to take care of? Been there. Frustrating, I know. Or, annoyed at why your career had to be reset on becoming a mother but nothing of that sort ever happens to fathers? I hear you. Or, are you wondering why you can’t even think about rest after a hard day at work because there are tonnes of chores to be done at home too? Well, whatever it is you are feeling, sister, trust me, I know you are right in feeling so.
Being a woman isn’t easy but you know that already, don’t you? Now add motherhood to that mix and the combination reads ‘working and worrying nonstop till your very last breath’. Well, what can I say we just have to do the toughest jobs without even being appreciated on most days!
Whether you are a stay-at-home mother or a working mother, that is the reality. You have no wriggle room from the moment you wake up to the time you go to bed at night even with maids and cooks at your disposal. You are almost always overburdened. You don’t have the freedom to work late, take unscheduled meetings or fall sick. And that’s why I write this letter to all of you, working or not.
Because we all do so much more than we should, we need to stand together and for each other.
Truth is, I often come across posts on social media where one section berates the other. Very recently the wife of a Bollywood actor went on record saying something senseless about working mums. And it happens all the time. So many times that it got me thinking. While we are busy fighting amongst each other trying to prove which group of mums are better or who love their children more, did you notice what most fathers are doing? Or, rather, not doing? No? Well, let me tell you.
They are waking up when they want to. Some do wake up early but they don’t have to prepare and pack lunches. They don’t have to pack bags. And trust me, when you do it repeatedly every single day it tends to become really annoying. They still have their morning cups of tea and read their papers while women are always on a clock. They don’t have to give explanations at work for having to leave early or being unable to take late client calls. They know that their wives will have that covered, working or not. They can come back exhausted after work and watch television or sit with their phones. They don’t run after the children to feed them. They have the time to reset their energy levels before work the next day while we are always exhausted and overwhelmed with tasks.
I'm a #workingmom and I know how hard I work every single day. Share on X
Of course, there are exceptions but they are just that, exceptions. While we are tied up in this infighting, dividing ourselves into two groups, most men are getting away without having to share the workload. They are paid more, are preferred more and they don’t juggle so many roles. Think about it.
A working woman comes home and takes care of all the household chores. She does that even before going out. So essentially she is working non-stop. A homemaker does the same but is judged for ‘staying at home’ as if she’s not doing anything. People don’t give due credit to her for the amount of work she does whole day to enable the smooth functioning of the household. Her contributions are hardly ever taken into account.
My mom is a homemaker and I know how relentlessly she works to get the engine of our home to work seamlessly each day. #mom Share on X
So, the next time you want to find flaws in a homemaker or a working woman, stop and think about this. Think about how women do so much work and still have to fight for due credit, whether at home or at work.
Let’s stand together. And trust me when I say this, we are all working women whether we go out of the house to earn a living or not. A household cannot function without us. We are indispensable and therefore our fight should be to get equal distribution of chores, equal pay, against gender prejudice. It should not be a contest to pull another woman, who is probably just as exhausted as us, down.
What do you say? Are we in this together or not?
What to say, Naba? I feel the same dismay when I see both sides putting down each other. There are many working women who really look down upon homemakers and vice versa. This is not the best way to up our self esteem. If only women would support other women, life would be easier. And about men. That is another story. I often wonder how it must be to be in that privileged position. No bodily discomfort monthly, pregnancy, menopause and as you pointed out no worries on the home front and preferential status at work. Oh well, we have to make do with the best that we have.
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Being a mom is so exhausting! And so much more than those cute pictures they post on Facebook 😛
As you rightly said both sides should stick together and know that everyone’s doing the best they can.
Yes, it’s really high time women stick to each other rather than taking down one group or the other. And about men, it’s high time they come out of their privileged state and stand together with woman of the house, to run the house. It’s the combined job of a man and a woman to run the house, not just a woman’s.
I always feel that some women get a certain sense of pride when they pull down other women. It’s really sad.
A working mom or a home-maker mom, both of them put in a lot of effort in whatever they and they should be appreciated. Applauded even.
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You said it, Naba. Stay at home or working, it doesn’t matter, all women, mothers especially, are working all the time. There is no need to get into the discussion of who does the most, because we all do, at all times, to our best. All I need is an hour with no distractions to get things done for myself, but even with a husband who shares the chores around the house I’m tired, stressed out, overwhelmed and worried that I might fade into the history without a name of my own.
So very well said, Naba. As of now it’s more the exception than the rule when it comes to men who do their share of the work. It shouldn’t be that way. When we’ve progressed on other fronts, why do we continue to be regressive on this one? Why can’t men handle their fair share of the responsibility on a day to day basis? Question should be how do make this normalised?
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We are, and have always been, in this together. But typically it’s a woman who happens to be another woman’s biggest critic. I have never understood the reason why, but I guess it helps them to feel better in a situation where they have always felt like they get the short end of the stick. But honestly this is exactly the attitude that keeps everyone on the defensive. We are 50% of the world population. If we work together, there is nothing that we cannot change. Hopefully one day, more women will realize this.
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I too have observed this typical character with women, in fact men come forward to help women more than women do to their own sex. in some cases it goes a step ahead and they begin pulling other women down. I had one recent experience of such a person and I simply stopped talking to her. I feel a lot better now, though it hurts to believe that I had even considered her a good friend. I recently had an event where I had to totally depend on women, it came out to be the best ever experience in my life and I learnt that not all women backstab , there still are some who see their success in yours and help you to achieve it
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I have been there. A forever exhausted working mum of a baby. What does exhaustion do to the mind of a woman? It slows down her response time to situations and makes her irritable. And, then she is blamed for being incapable of taking decisions and even not being able to think soundly, rationally and logically. She is admonished. Why do we bash each other as mums creating a divide between working mums and stay-at-home mums because this is our favourite past time – to discuss how good are we (as part of one group) and how bad are they (part of other group). Also, since to feel good about ourselves we have to put the other ones down. Doesn’t it sound like positivity vs negativity?