Musings of an Unapologetic Feminist…

Jul 16
NabanitaDhar

Are you a feminist or just a man hater?
Are you really a feminist or are you just fascinated with the idea of feminism?
Many a time I have been asked these questions. Many a time I have been asked if I’m a feminist. But before I answer that let’s dwell a little on what feminism is. At least for me? As far as I’m concerned it has got something, in fact everything, to do with the quality of life of a female. It is something that reminds the world that a woman deserves respect and has every right to lead the life of her choosing. For me it’s not only the age old fight for equal rights but something more than that. It is to remind the world, especially the Indian society, that a woman is more than just a wife or a mother. It is to ensure that a woman is not punished for the clothes she wears or is not blamed for being raped. It is to ensure that marriage or motherhood isn’t the culmination of a woman’s life until she wants it to be so. It is a movement, a vision and a life long struggle to fight the highly misogynistic society of ours in whatever little way possible.
So I don’t know if it matters but still I have this sudden desire to announce to the world that of course I’m a feminist. Why would anyone even think otherwise? Let me also let you in on a little secret, I’m proud of being one. Call me what you want. Define me as you wish, not that anyone really cares, but I think that’s what I will be as long as I walk this earth. And I’ll do it with pride. Here are just a few of the reasons why.
To ensure that every time I’m asked to wear a saree for a client visit I stand up to make it clear in no uncertain terms that what I wear has got nothing to do with how I work. I’m not here to deck up and look pretty. Though there’s nothing bad in dressing up there’s more to me than what I wear. And if my wearing a sareeis good for the company’s image in front of the client then I’ll only do it when the men in my team wear dhotiand kurta too. Women are not show pieces and every organization needs to know that.
To take notice every time a woman places her career on the back burner for her husband or children unless it is by her own choice. Yes, the feminist in me will suffer a heart break each time women give up their aspirations but she will not be tight-lipped about it. I’ll never believe that sacrifice should be a woman’s middle name and will try to propagate the same.
To raise my hand every time a woman feels guilty for taking care of her parents after marriage for the feminist in me wants to change how our society thinks.
To interject every time someone takes the names of a handful of successful women to subdue any voice urging better treatment of women folk. The feminist in me will shout at the hypocrisy of the world which refuses to see the plight of millions of women around or the fact that even the successful ones are not spared from jibes of the world’s questioning attitude.
To yell every time a pseudo-intellectual woman justifies acid attacks or rapes by men on the guise of the opposite sex being hurtfully shunned. The feminist in me needs to raise her voice at every such occurrence and she will indeed do.
To bring to the world’s notice every time a woman is stopped by her husband or brother from wearing sleeveless salwar suits or even churidar for that matter. The feminist in me will be angry then because while a man gets to roam around freely in shorts there’s clearly discrimination when it comes to a woman’s attire.
To stop someone from equating liberation of women with a few reserved seats on buses and compartments in trains. The feminist in me would like to remind the world that if not for that some men would have free access to groping women in every nook and cranny of the public transport system, especially in India.
To stop and make you ponder every time you think women are bad drivers. I see thousands of awful male drivers on the road. And I’m sure you do too, day after day, every day but what gives the world the right to associate bad driving skills only with women? So the feminist in me will urge you to not resort to such sexist outlook of the world.
To remind the world that it’s not fair to deride women. Remember the jokes trending on twitter making fun of Alia Bhatt because she wasn’t able to answer a question? You do, don’t you? Well even her male co-star Varun Dhawan wasn’t able to answer so why no jokes about him? Convenient memory loss to only target a woman? So yes the feminist in me will raise her voice for such instances too because for some strange reason the world finds it really easy to mock women.
So there I’m a feminist and maybe you should be one too. Up to you of-course! All I can say is it has got nothing to do with hating men. It’s about hating the wrong done to women. In fact, if anything at all it has got everything to do with making this world a better place for women. Tell me then are you with me? Will you raise your voice too? Perhaps by lending a helping hand to the woman in your life as she makes it through this skewed society every day? Perhaps by being the woman you want to be, unapologetically? Think about it.

49 thoughts on “Musings of an Unapologetic Feminist…”

  1. A very well articulated and thought-provoking post, Nabanita! While most of us are feminists and do raise their voice against the injustice and the wrongs that are done to women, I find that being a feminist is not easy, in our society, sadly!

  2. Such a well written post! I felt your anger at the wrongs against women all through it. Couldn't agree more with you about being a feminist. And honestly, if being a feminist is all those things you mentioned…I wish people would call me one too.

  3. Awesome post Naba! I hate that 'wear saree when someone important is visiting' thing a lot too! I find the whole thing so irritating!

  4. Keep up the spirit, Naba! Let this fire in you bring out the best in you, always 🙂
    Though for many years I have taught courses on feminist research etc I am at that point in my life when I don't want to use any label to define me. But that doesn't mean I am not in support of all the things you mention (and also many more that aren't mentioned here).

  5. Well written I agree with every point of yours. But yes,this world has it's own rules of beating up a woman who stands for her right. When I did not take my husband's surname after marriage, my husband was ok with it but the world judges me as someone who will be easily unfaithful. When I go to my in laws place wearing a Salwar suit I face uneasy glares as if saree makes me a better daughter-in-law. Just because I am more intellectually inclined I was made to think that I am not good looking. Why can't good looking women be intelligent? Beauty lies in symmetrical body structure which is directly related to the human IQ. In a discussion about higher philosophy men think I cannot go deep. Why because I am a lady that too young.

  6. Love this post Naba! I too am a feminist and happy to proclaim it loudly! 🙂 We live in a misogynistic society and if we don't speak out for our rights, who will?

  7. Very strong case Nabanita if I might say so and right on all counts as you unfailing do every time.
    I have seen cases where women have been led to believe that they are ugly and cases where women have been trained and molded to behave in a manner peculiar to my generation.
    However, the rebellion of people, not 'women' but people like you has had some effect on women and men who have realized that archaic beliefs are not going to work with those who have seen the free world.

  8. When you said Feminism is all about quality of female life, you said it all. That's the right manner it should be perceived.

  10. Very well articulated, Naba! Why does being a feminist get equated by being a man-hater?! We want the betterment of women; we're not looking to degrade men!

  13. So true Shilpa …It's not east being a feminist in our country …But I'm glad there are still many … 🙂

  17. Oh yes that's what most of the people perceive women as..It's as if we have to fit into a mold but they don't know that we no longer will listen to their outdated and nonsensical arguments!

  25. It's suprising how a concept of gender equality turned into men bashing. That is so wrong. I loved the points you put forward. Strongly written.

  26. What a wonderful take on feminism, Naba. Most people simply assume that feminism means aggressive, bra-burners who want one-upmanship on men. You've described true feminism beautifully. Hugs to you for your beautiful mind!

  27. I think we all are feminists without realizing it. This was a lovely post. If we claim our rights and the men provide us our rights, they are called sissy. What shit.

  28. I am one, and proud of it. To me, feminism is not about hating men…. it is about people, men or women, having the liberty to make their own choices. Liberty and equality and two of the three fundamental rights in this blessed country.

    As for those to try to oppress or stereotype, I have ensured my own independence, so I am not scared to sound them off, stop them in their tracks, and/or reject them.

    I also encourage everyone to be financially independent, regardless of gender, and not give control of their destiny to of another person. Here's my post

  29. Well written Naba! I think you have echoed what most of us feel… just recently i came across a 22 year old mother who had no help at home to take care of the child. While I understand she had to be there to take care of the 8 month old, the kind of ruckus society created on her working was unbelievable… I hear you gal, we all do.

  30. Its an interesting question and you have posted an interesting answer. The question is interesting because surprisingly it elicits so many different responses from different people. Some totter on the edge of misandry and some use it as a guise for absurd demands. Its heartening to see your answer to the question as being very sane and practical. Though I don't classify myself as a feminist because of various reasons, I identify with most of the one which you talk above.

  32. I would agree on a few things you have written above and the most menacing one would be associating women with bad driving ! It gets on my nerves ! I was clearly I victim of this heinous act, my ex clearly nonchalantly told me I was better off without learning to drive because women sucked at driving ! The audacity, just the reason why he is my Ex! *shakes head disbelievingly*

  33. Naba, I agree with all your points and will raise my voice against atrocities committed against women. Loved what you wrote about not hating the men but hating the wrong done to women.

  38. All questions directed to the mother our society is such what can we do no?

    Glad that people like you and all the others bloggers raise such issues, a small change but still a change nonetheless…

  45. Right after reading this, I wanted to stand up and clap!! I agree with every word you've said here, Nabanita. A lot of people equate feminist with man hater. To those men, I say, "If you're like most of the men in this country for whom a woman is first a sex object and then a human, then yes, I hate you!"

  46. I guess some acerbic women have given a bad name to feminists. Feminists are just fighting for equal opportunity, for a right to live an honest, dignified life with one's own choice. I would think that is a just right of every human being. And of course, I agree with every word that you've written!

  47. I am a proud feminist too! Agree to all of your points there, Feminism doesn't mean hating men, we feminists love our men. We just hate the way the society is biased towards us and will do everything possible to make it an equal world. Loved this post!

  48. Nabanita, thanks for echoing my exact sentiments through your post. Freedom and peace is what I seek, like every human being. Is it that difficult to grant me (woman) that?

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