What happens to love after becoming parents? What happens to a couple after having a baby?

11 years. It has been 11 long years that my husband and I have been together. As not so innocent college going students, we fell in love and the first chapter was written. We had no idea that what we were feeling then wasn’t even scratching the surface of love. We embarked on this journey together through a series of SMSs on a warm July evening and after almost a dozen years, are now parents to a beautiful but very naughty little girl. And through all these years together, our understanding and expression of love have changed, evolved is what I’d like to believe. But one thing has remained constant, the love.

Like everything else in life, our love has matured over the years. Today, we hardly get any time together what with our jobs and a little one who not only needs our love but has first dibs on our energies as well. But does that mean we have no time for love, to love or that love is just a thing of the past for us now? No.

There is only one pre-requisite for sustaining love over the years, love. Not time, just love. And not the kind the movies would like you to believe in.

When you are in a relationship with someone for so long your love evolves as do you. For us, there was a time when messaging each other was love. Then there was the phase of lying to our parents to meet each other on weekends. And then how can I forget the time when we fought for us, stood by each other to get married? That was perhaps one of the biggest victories of our love. Then our epic fights. How can I forget those? Those contributed as much to our relationship as anything else. There were even times of video chats, phone calls, dinner dates, anniversary and birthday celebrations. That was a phase when we had so much time for each other or rather it was easier to make time for each other. But now we literally need to fight to find time to spend with each other without being distracted by our commitments and responsibilities. The phase before and after parenthood for our love, so different yet both equally special.

However, if you ask me, it is today that I’m at my favourite phase of our relationship. I don’t have to fight with anyone anymore to be with him. Nobody can question why we are together and I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. We have been us for so long that I don’t have to worry about all that anymore. It’s like a monkey is off my back. The lack of time doesn’t bother me because I know we can work our way around it. Today, there is the comfort of being together without having to do or prove anything. Yes, I do miss those days when we had the time and luxury to be carefree lovers but I love the present phase the most. Love is kind of like wine and friendship. Always gets better with time.

The paucity of time is a reality of our relationship now. But even that one hour of conversation or sharing a meal at the end of the day after our daughter goes to sleep is special. It is comforting in a way I can’t quite describe. It is something we look forward to every day. And the best part is we don’t even have to talk. We can just be two very tired individuals sitting on the couch, one reading a book and the other playing a game but still together, still very much in love. Just being in each other’s company, watching a SITCOM or a part of a movie (because let’s face it, it takes days for us now to completely watch a movie), is an expression of love for us, one that we can’t do without.

The definitions of love changes with time. The expressions too. But the underlying emotions remain more or less the same. It’s about comfort, ease and the need to be together. And it certainly doesn’t depend on time or the lack of it. In fact, when it’s the latter, making time, however less, speaks of love.

As we celebrate our anniversary this year, working from home, attending meetings and taking care of a toddler, our love is in the unspoken decision of trying to spend the day together in any way we can. It may be in making some tea for the other who is going to be on a three-hour long call or getting the cook to make his favourite dish. It could be anything. So, no, there is always time for love, even after you become parents. You just need to be sure you were already in love before that.

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