Dear M,
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Well, on the blog certainly but not otherwise. Truth be told the amount of conversation I have with you every day is much more than I ever have otherwise on any given day. But that’s always better even though I tend to lose it when you talk nonstop. Well, I wasn’t very high on patience earlier, munchkin, and it hasn’t changed now either.
Anyway.
You are going to school now, aren’t you? A big girl already, eh? Of course, you have been out of the house ever since you were 7 months old so this is nothing new for you. But as you come more and more in contact with the outside world, I sometimes fear that you’ll learn about its complexities and relationships too soon. Honestly, that prospect scares the mom in me.
Why I have noticed the changes in your questions and your thoughts already when it comes to people and behaviour. The confusion of navigating this labyrinth of human connections outside your inner circle has started to make itself known. Darling, whether I like it or not, the world is slowly catching up on you.
If I could I would have kept you shielded from the outside world forever but that’s not how it works, does it? So, I have to slowly but steadily let you experience life on your own. I can only hope to be there to nudge you in the right direction while you take up this amazing and sometimes scary adventure called life.
I keep thinking there is so much you will come face to face with and the realization is overwhelming. Heartaches, heartbreaks and sometimes even end up being deceived by folks you will think of as your friends. I don’t even remember how I dealt with these when I was younger. It seems scary for a child but then everyone goes through it and so will you.
Why the experiences and the effects have already started to manifest in the smallest of forms. When you asked to tell J to play with you since he refused to play with you that day, I knew it had begun.
It’s okay if sometimes your friends don’t behave as friends should.
A mother’s heart doesn’t know at the first instance how to shield her child from such disappointments but she had to prepare you for it in the least. About J, as I told you that day, you don’t need to play with anyone who doesn’t want to play with you. You can’t force someone to be your friend, my dear. As the years go by, I will try my best to help you learn that it’s okay to play by yourself too. It’s okay if sometimes your friends don’t behave as friends should. There will be times in your life when you will be without friends too and do you know something, M? It’s okay if that happens too.
When you come and tell me, M, that someone didn’t speak to you or didn’t play with you, my first instinct makes me mad at those kids. But then I realise, it’s a good thing. You will learn to mould your expectations and it will help you in the long run. I also know that sometimes you are the kid who doesn’t talk to or play with a friend and I’m sure the moms of those kids feel the same way.
Sometimes when you tell me that a kid hit you, my first instinct is to protect you. But these are tricky situations for a parent, shielding you while at the same time equipping you to protect and stand up for yourself. Sometimes your Mimi and I discuss how to make you strong, a kid who can’t be bullied but also one who will herself not bully and we realise, how hard it must have been for our parents. Your grandparents. Well, rest assured, you have us and you can come to us for anything. When someone has hurt you, we will fill you with love and if you are the person who ends up hurting someone, we will teach you to make up for that, repent and seek forgiveness. I guess we have a lot of work cut out for us, don’t we?
I think what I want to tell you is that disappointments in friendships are a part of life. They keep coming in different shapes and sizes. Sometimes it will be you who will cause yourself frustration while at others it will be a situation or a friend. I could disappoint you too and I’m sure I will. You just need to remember to take these in your stride and move forward. And as to the questions of friends, those that are mean to stay in your life will and the rest you can let go.
I don’t know how much you will remember our conversations before going to bed but I will always be your friend no matter what you do. It’s not to say that the scoldings will reduce but I’ll have your back.
Friendships are tricky at best. I have a cautious taken on letting myself open up to new friendships and relationships. You dad though is more trusting as is your Mimi. We have all figured out what works best for us. One day, M, you will have figured out what works best for you too. But until that day, I’ll always be there to hug you when you have heartbreaks and be happy for you when your heart is filled with happiness.
Always remember, mom loves you and even when no one seems to be with you, I always will be. But just don’t ask me to play with lego blocks, please. I’m too old for that!
Love,
Mom
