Our Incredible Anti-Women Society

Apr 19
NabanitaDhar

Temples, Mosques, Gurdwaras and many other places of worship throng every nook and corner of our country, but we act in the most sinful manner; we the people of this great country called India. The stories of Baby Falak and then Baby Afreen are unfamiliar to none. Adding to the list of atrocities against the girl child; we have demons walking around who dare to stoop as low as abusing infants. As I pen down this blog, I am filled with anguish for there is nothing I can do to stop this villainous trend that exists in our society.

A girl child pushed into prostitution; innocent baby girls physically abused just because some nincompoop or slob wants a boy baby, what more is left! Dowry and related deaths, infanticide; prejudices against women; khaps; rapes; treating a women like a slave in the household; tying a women to the shackles of covering her face, head and if possible confining her to a dark room is what ‘Incredible India’ is all about. The sad part is that it’s not only the men but women of this very country of ours who are responsible for this predicament.

What did these precious little babies do to deserve these? And these are just two names out of a list of thousands such cases. Just a year back I visited my husband’s village; there I met a small sweet girl maybe aged four or at the max six; she was running about trying to feed her younger brother. What struck me was her mother was calling out to her for errands around the house. She was just six and was being made to do all the household chores! Later I found out that it wasn’t even the worst part; I learnt from my husband that the girl’s hand was fractured and some sort of rod was inserted in her hand to get it in working condition; and you know how she sustained the injury? She was beaten by her own family members because she was a girl! There I stood infront of that girl; helpless unable to do anything for her. Her smile is still etched in my heart; that poor little soul doesn’t even realize what she has been born into and still manages a smile. She will have to live her entire life being tormented.

Sometimes I am filled with so much disgust at our damn society, Neanderthals will keep fasts for nine long days worshiping Goddesses pretending to be so holy but when it comes to treating women right they fail miserably.  Few years back there was a news piece that I saw in one of the news channels; in a certain village or town in Uttar Pradesh; the elders of the community laid down a rule that girls should not wear jeans or carry mobile phones as that attracts trouble in the form of eve teasing and rapes. Yes ridiculous isn’t it! It’s not the flesh starved men they chose to control; but the women who I am sure even if covered from head to toe in black cloth would be teased and under attack by these men. These dhoti-clad; white bearded uneducated men with one leg in the grave should be hanged in public for spreading such prejudiced outlook in society. Sometimes I wish I could make all these so called upholders of norms of society stand in a line and shoot at them till there is no space left for another bullet in their bodies!

We talk about India shining; really how and where? In the villages the women folk lead a life where they are considered nothing more than a slave who work for free and bear child for the family. If she bears a boy then she still may be considered integral to the family; if not then she is cursed and tortured; if she still manages to survive she is made to suffer for the rest of her life. Coming to our modern and progressed India, the towns and cities; is the situation any different? Certainly it is but that doesn’t mean an educated woman from a decent family doesn’t face prejudices. Remember the Tandoor murder case; it didn’t happen in an uneducated family! Ofcourse the countless cases of brazen men raping innocent women don’t need to be mentioned over and over again!

With all these vices existing in our midst; when the lawmakers don’t do anything substantial you are made to feel like a rudderless boat trying to survive the stormy seas! Our society kills and tortures women in the name of religion; in the name of caste; in the name of anything and everything possible. When will we learn to respect women as it is them who bear the gift of life? Doesn’t the man who outrages the modesty of a woman; or abuse a girl child remember that his mother is also a woman and if wasn’t for her he wouldn’t get this gift of life!

Ofcourse in all these how can I forget the various ’rituals’ of marriages all around our country which sometimes I feel has just been made to make people not want girl child for fear of being brought to the streets due to demands from the boy’s side.  Instead of things getting better; day by day the so called ‘rituals’ are becoming more and more outlandish and preposterous where the girls family even if not paying that much dowry has to spend so much on the groom’s family that it brings a monetary doom and thus the decline of happiness in the household. Wonder when all these will change, when even educated people pass of these as traditions.

The time is ripe, and rotten-ripe, for change I say. If we do not change now; the condition of women will continue on a steady decline.  We women need to take our lives in our hands; let not someone else decide how we would lead our lives. Lets pledge that we wouldn’t let others dictate terms on us; since it is us who give birth so no other should have a right to ill-treat our children; let us dress how we want to and let no moron tell us what or how we should; let us embellish ourselves however we want to and not because society says so. Let us pledge that till the society treats us right; we would give a damn to anyone who in any way tries to bully us or run our lives for us.

58 thoughts on “Our Incredible Anti-Women Society”

  4. The truth is we all feel bad,but beyond a point in time we move on without lives – until this changes, such incidents will continue.

  6. I don't really know as I said there is nothing I can do to stop this villainous trend that exists in our society.I can only hope each woman stands up for herself…!

  7. I am in complete agreement here. Its important for each one to realise this menace and stand up when required. Awareness and financial indepence is key.

    Women, specially in rural India, need to be made aware of their rights and capabilities. Most continue to live in darkness because they know of no alternative.

  8. I concur with your questions. But we do not stop at these questions. Money gives us some voice, but lets not consider it has a solution.

    A women freedom of choice should not be confined to what she chooses to wear, say in public, what time to come home etc etc.
    We have to break the shackles of the patriarchal system rather then adapt to it.
    Would like to direct your attention towards a post by Nivedita menon: http://kafila.org/2012/03/08/feminism-and-the-family-thoughts-on-international-womens-day/

  10. I agree with "muinin", financial independence only gives you voice in this society, but the dogma will persist.

    "The sad part is that it’s not only the men but women of this very country of ours who are responsible for this predicament."
    You said it right, the problem is with our mentality. We need to come out of it. We Indians always scared to come out of our comfort zone. Even after all these years we still remain divided in the name of religion, caste, colour and sex.

  12. Don't you wonder why this is happening in spite of all the feminist movement worldwide?

    I wonder, at least!

  20. You know.. I have always wondered on one point.. There are atrocities against women, no doubt about that, and quite frankly, for rapists, murderers we should provide capital punishment (One way to get a favourable ratio).. But always live on one hope..

    One day.. All the women in India.. One day.. They dont leave the house. Not a single woman on the street.. In protest against the atrocities.. If the govt does not crap in their pants… 🙂

  21. Absolutely right.
    Truth be said, this is a anti-weak society.
    I know lots of boys who were raped in their childhood.
    But the overwhelming number of girls/women being raped is disturbing.
    In the time you might have taken to write this post, atleast 4 women would have been raped in India. That is the sad truth

  22. hmm. nice post. especially describing the time in "The time is ripe, and rotten-ripe,". its truly rotten ripe now! I remember back in 2007, when i was walking to work from Currey Road to Lower Parel. I have to walk parallel by a Bridge and there is these poor people residing. I could only here the shrieks or appeal for "No more hitting.." a quick look for where the sound is coming from and I could see a man lashing up this lady with a wooden thing in his hand. I couldn't do much except to stand there, feel the pain if someone would hit me similarly on my back and imagine the pain in my bones and i finally continued walking to my workplace. the thing still keeps coming back to my ears if I ever read something like this.

    The situation globally has been worsening. Am sure you might have done some research about those African Countries, as well. If not, do it. I once gave a thought about how they do the FGM, try to imagine the pain to your body and I got a disgusting acid flowing into my mouth and in a minute i was fainted down. though I recovered back in a couple of minutes but the bump on head was too bad in restroom.

    accept it, I am a male but I am damn sensitive towards these things. especially when it comes to torturing someone physically. hate it to as much deep as possible.

  23. Hi Nabanita,
    A well written blog post.
    "If we do not change now; the condition of women will continue on a steady decline. We women need to take our lives in our hands; let not someone else decide how we would lead our lives"
    Apt words indeed. While the points you have made are quite pertinent it is also a fact the women themselves need to change their attitude towards other women (eg. Stigmatic Attitude towards Widows, Mother-in-law versus Daughter-in-law, dowry, etc). In many cases it is women who perpetuate rituals against other women and also some women harass other women. So why blame only men? There are some good forward thinking men in society who do not discriminate against women and treat women as equals and with respect. I feel one must have a balanced approach and avoid becoming a man-hater.
    You think well, analyse well and write well.
    Keep Writing and Blogging.
    Regards
    Vikram

  24. Thanks Vikram… I agree we need a balanced approach.As I mentioned in my post the sad part indeed is that it’s not only the men but women of this very country of ours who are responsible for this predicament. A lot needs to be done but it has to begin from the women themselves as you rightly put it; change of attitude is must.

  25. Indeed its horrible and it makes me sick thinking the sort of atrocities women in India and across the world must go through…Sad part is I do not know how can I contribute to change all this even if in a small way possible. Through blogging I can vent out the ire I feel but what's the use of that anyways! Helpless is what I feel when I hear stories such as what you witnessed…

  26. I agree… A lot has to do with the rotten psyche of the society we live in; even the so called educated class is most of the time not an exception.

  27. The government is just an institution full of eunuchs is what I feel 😀 I do not expect anything from them…Only thing that can change; if all all, has to be each individual's outlook towards women, us women inclusive only than can something happen!

  29. You wrote whatever i ponder on every morning as i surf through the news channels. Change is inveitable, but with change come new challenges. And we women have always fought change and challenges. Its now time to change and fight the challenges.

  37. Very Good Post and very thought provoking….Our mythology places women on a very high pedestal…Really wonder where all the atrocities creeped in…..As you said time to change…But I am sure time will change….

  39. Very well articulated. It disgusts me as well to think of the atrocities being carried out against women. We talk about India progressing. Where is the progress? I remember reading about the village where they banned mobile phones and jeans. That was when a guy and a girl had decided to elope and the village's so called elders blamed it on the girl "seducing" the guy. Yes, in India, its never the man's fault. Always find a girl to blame. The worst part I dont know how to change this mindset. A while back, for Women's day, I wrote an article too – I would love it if you could read it and tell me what your views are on it. http://deepa-duraisamy.blogspot.com/2012/03/womens-day-really.html.

  41. Thanks..yes you are right; its strange that such atrocities exist in a country such as ours where Goddesses are held at the highest pedestal…

  43. Sure Deepa…will definitely read it… glad to know there are so many of us out there who feel the same way !

  45. well some or the other of these discrimination acts exist in every Indian family,if we really want to make a change , that change should first start from our family,if we do this , we will set an example for other people to follow us and eventually spread the message.
    and well written inspiring post mam, you have already done a fraction of your part by writing this post..good job

  46. Thanks Animesh…and I agree the change has to start at the micro level for anything substantial to happen…

  47. a little good deed we do, probably will grow a thousand crimes that we probably can not handle, bit of advice that we give it will be born a million hypocrisy, providing little help sometimes still regarded as saviors, even at worst can be bad for ourselves , have a strong conviction and great courage and high public awareness to combat the violence that occurs, we can only plan, success or failure of it all was the hand of god, in my country today to celebrate the women in my country too a lot of violence against all women, but no women here are also very rare in that respect, in my country "my mother is my hero", I am also sorry to hear it, I love what you do today nabanita, the work of this blog will create a virtuous cycle of small can blow up the entire universe … enjoyed reading your article ..

    Alvin

    Indonesia

  48. These are only few instances that is been penned… which shows that still der are no equal rights has been given to women in dis society, n how difficult it is for a women to lead der daily life!!

    The change in the society can only be made by our self by changing our views on the issues and start respecting the girls and women's and educating people about the importance of them!!

    Expecting the change from others is easy but when it comes to us its difficult! So lets change our self first and break the barrier of ego and let other to live equally and happily.

  51. Your words are coursing with passion and vehemence. There ought to be more of us that feel this way. Why do we still remain so silent?

  52. I agree with your sentiments completely. With this blog post, you have raised an important question on the policies and practices in our country. However, more than the question, its the solution that matters as only that'll bring about some change in the society and mass thinking!

  53. Honestly I do not know…I guess in the name of traditions or whatever it may be; women accept all sorts of nonsense when they have every right to question such stuff…

  55. You are right in feeling angry and indignant about this! Life is not easy for girls or girl children or women in this country. Look at the sex ratio of Haryana and you will see what can happen. BTW thanks for voting for my post. I find that few people vote for my posts- maybe I am not frivolous enough in my choice of topics!

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