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…it showed the truth.
The movie PINK speaks about consent and gender stereotypes. It speaks about how women are perceived based on their attire and how society seems to have unwritten rules only for the fairer sex. Even though what was talked about in the movie was nothing new, it was one of the most uncomfortable movie-watching experience for me. Probably because right next to me was my 10-month-old daughter.
Violence against women is everywhere, a world-wide fact. Share on X
The problems raised in the film were issues I have talked about extensively on my blog over the years, over and over again in fact. The prejudice against women, the blatant outraging of a woman’s modesty without remorse and more. These are issues we know about and read about with queer regularity. But that day while watching the movie, I was petrified. It was tough to watch knowing that I have to raise my daughter in this very society. And probably that’s the reason why I hated watching it even though it was a message that needed to be conveyed and perhaps needs to be reiterated over and over again.
The fact is violence against women is everywhere, around the world and even in India. What scares me is if enough is really being done to counter that.
Here are some figures for you, before I proceed.
According to a newspaper article of September 2015, crimes against women in India have more than doubled over the past decade. And this is actually based on data released by the National Crime Records Bureau.
According to a study conducted in New Delhi in 2012, about 92% women reported having experienced some form of sexual violence in public spaces and 88% of women reported as having experienced some form of verbal sexual harassment. Source
While we talk about consent, it is appalling to think that marital rape isn’t even an offense under the IPC (Indian Penal Code). Just google and you’ll know.
About 6 to 67% women in Asia have experienced intimate partner violence at least once in their lifetime. Source
India had a Gender Inequality Index ranking of 132 out of 148 countries in 2013. Source
Dowry related deaths in India in the year 2011 was as high as 8618 as per the National Crime Records Bureau. The unofficial figures are believed to be thrice as high. Source
This is just the tip of the iceberg. The bottom line is most women face one issue or the other every single day of their lives. It can be within the confines of their homes or the workplace, the parity and respect are simply missing.
The prejudice is deep seeded in our psyche, it is our natural instinct and something we need to fight at all levels and with everything we have got, for our daughters and for ourselves as well.
PINK talks about consent and it is a huge subject. From sexual to mental harassment, consent is at the heart of most issues women face. Whether it is arranged marriages, education or even something as trivial as attire, I have come across women who never had a say in any. Even though it is their life, their body, it is apparently never really. Don’t you wonder why?
India had a Gender Inequality Index ranking of 132 out of 148 countries in 2013. #GenderBias Share on X
It is probably because women are looked upon as property. The social standing of a family is linked to how a woman behaves, what she wears and even what she eats or drinks. A divorced woman is judged but not a man. A woman who drinks is considered characterless but not a man. The prejudice is deep seeded in our psyche, it is our natural instinct and something we need to fight at all levels and with everything we have got, for our daughters and for ourselves as well.
The sight of a woman drinking or smoking makes us cringe. A woman going out at night to a club or pub is not considered appropriate. A woman having relationships is considered characterless. The length of a woman’s dress is somehow proportional to her acceptance in society. On the other hand, a man can drink as much as he wants because he’s a man. He could be called an alcoholic but his character is never tainted. Having multiple relationships, even physical relationships is not an issue when it’s a male in question because,oh well, he is a man. These are opinions held by men and women across the society. And this is wrong.
Every time my sister takes a cab or auto home, I tell her not to fight with the cabbie or the auto driver even if he is rude. Why? Because I’m concerned for her. Every time she goes out with her friends, I keep pestering her to send me her location, tell me once she is home or even to go home soon. Why? Because god forbid if anything happens to her. This is how we live.
Bangalore is still better because people here are not crass or violent. There may be some but they are exceptions in my view. I remember a bus conductor shouting obscenities at me when I refused to move to the end crowded with men. I was scared, shaking, fought back but got off the bus the moment it stopped at a signal. I walked all the way back home crying because I was shaken, worried that I would be followed. That was a horrible, horrible experience. But overall, I haven’t faced many issues here. Still, the fear is always there at the back of our minds, at the back of my mind.
PINK just showed how one fateful night the fear might translate into reality and then what? Not everyone would have a Deepak Sehgal or a trial that ends positively so soon. And that is why I hated watching PINK. I hated watching PINK because I need to live with this fear as I raise my daughter.
How do you think we can keep our girls protected? What can ordinary citizens like you and I do?
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Interesting perspective Naba. One that I have been reflecting on too, since the movie was released.
However, I’m going to point at the only aspect that can improve this condition, while risking terrible backlash in return. The onus to make this world a better place for women, lies on women. Mothers, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, strangers etc.
If mothers bring their sons up in a culture where women are respected instead of sons being deified, the sons will learn to respect women outside. If women are sensitive and supportive of other women’s needs or atrocities committed on them (rather than judging them), women can come together to command respect.
I remember how women were making fun of Smriti Irani when she was HRD minister, and saying condescending things when she was transferred to the textile ministry. Barely any women opposed what Congressis said about her.
Yes, men have to respect women and make the world safer for them. Yet, the onus to make a majority of the men take women seriously, lies on women.
I understand your angst, Naba. Haven’t all of us struggled with Eve teasing? We worry about ourselves, our friends, our sisters and daughters. It is better to be safe than sorry. Like you said the prejudices are deep seated. I hope every man and woman who watches the movie feels uncomfortable and perhaps thinks and even changes their mindset a little bit. The movie shakes you, l agree.
I completely understand your fear. I do not like to step out of the house at night even for a doctor’s appointment. Day time is when I finish everything even when I am commuting within the safe confines of my car. I have done my higher education in Delhi. I commuted by the city buses then and it was hell. Since the time I started earning decently I have not taken delhi buses. So when you ask what can you and I do, I don’t know. Probably read ‘Dear Zari’ and feel slightly better about our lives when compared with the women of Afghanistan.
Violence and lack of respect for woman is still a world wide issue, but I know in Australia we have it easier than so many other countries. In saying that though I have faced terrible abuse and it took me many years of recovery to get where I am today because I refuse to let him stop me living my life. I am one of the lucky ones I got away, and I survived. But this issue for me is deeply personal and still brings me pain. I worry too about my daughters, my eldest now 12 and a half and boys are noticing her, it worries me. I want her to be strong, independent yet still trusting. I will do my best to be a strong role model, and also raise my son to respect women starting with me an his sisters! I think what we teach both our sons and daughters is hugely important! Thank you for sharing this post #,g
I have not seen the movie, but the stats are correct -alas! There has to be stricter laws and those have to be even strictly enforced…like they have in the west.
We have a long way to go round the world. there are clearly big differences depending on where you are born. Your statistics made my stomach turn. If seems crazy. a world where women are treated equally is better for everyone, men included. #mg
I can totally understand where you are coming from. I used to wait for husband to pick me up in the evening in Bangalore. Those 20 minutes I used to spend in so much anxiety. This deep rooted anxiety is so common that it has become normal now. I haven’t watched Pink yet, but will do soon. Movies like Pink leave me in deep emotional crisis, they effect me really bad, so I better fix myself mentally before watching it 🙂
This makes for a shocking and extremely interesting read. As a mother of 5 daughters it resonates, as some of the problems faced by women are universal. Your statistics are appalling and frightening. Education is the key. Alison x #mg
We like the movie or not, truth is truth. And in this case it’s a bitter truth. Movie is bold and still not acceptable by few in our society. Your Fear is understood and is appropriate. Real life is so much different from reel life.
Even though Pink talks about issues every woman has been through and thought about, even though its an old topic it still needed to be made. And it’s been made very well – it entertains, it makes you think and it will hopefully have an impact on people (maybe men) who haven’t thought about how unfair it is to stereotype women and then ‘punish’ them. I’d like to point out to Rachna that the term ‘eve teasing’ covers up the fact that it is sexual harassment. So lets use language that says it like it is rather than white washing facts.
All your apprehensions are valid and true. But how it is connected to the title of this article I did not understand-…
What a thoroughly interesting and thought-provoking post. I long for a world where we have gender-equality but it feels so deep-seated, even here in the UK which is nothing compared to what the situation is in some countries. My hope is that by continuing to raise it, as you do, it will continue to keep at the forefront of people’s minds and change will happen #mg
It’s a movie I do want to watch for precisely the reasons you have mentioned. I understand living in fear but I also think we need to stand up and teach our girls to yell and scream when the need arises. Too long we have kept mum about atrocities perpetrated against us. How much longer must we live in this fear?
I hear you and those stats are shocking. We shouldn’t live in fear and between you and me, let’s ensure that our kids learn to stay strong in the face of any adversities. We cannot protect them forever. Let’s make them strong instead.
Very few movies made which raise such issues but TBH most of the movies, serials, songs, News papers show girls as a material, a way of selling their products, increasing TRP’s and just want to earn more. They are the main culprit.
When a victim try to fight for this legally, then our corrupted legal system, take it as a earning opportunity, From police to lawyer, makes money. And the people who understand, just talk once or twice, ‘are re re baut galat hua’ and forget about that with in few days.
If our legal system work honestly, make decision in fast tracks, every guy think twice before doing such things.
You are doing a great work Nabanita by raising such issues time to time. IMHO,
Increasing these issues more and more, like you done in this post, just spread it whenever we can. So every people who read that, think on it.
Teach your son to respect girls, not just his sister, mother or relative, to every women.
And most important, if you see such things happen in front of you, dont be dumb that time.
Their are many more but the point is, first start thinking on that way….
It’s a very scary world out there, in so many ways. It is even more scarier when we become parents. We want to protect our children from things like this. I actually hadn’t heard of the movie before reading this. The stats are appalling. Thanks for raising awareness.
The movie does shake you in more ways than one. It shows the truth and for once a Hindi movie does and I loved it for that. It sure is scary. We women have to be careful every step of life and that is not easy. All we can do is raise our little ones to be brave and then hope that this country will finally come to respect a woman as a human being.
You said it Naba. I don’t think there exists a single woman who has never been faced with discrimination of some kind. The practices are so deep-rooted it will take ages to get rid of them. It does come as a shock that even in cities and metros where we pride ourselves on being educated and evolved we such discrimination is rampant. #mg
Great to read your prespective Naba. It true that I totally agree with you. I prefer to finish all my works in the daytime itself.
I’ve noticed a lot of girls of late taking to wearing hijabs in Hyderabad, even if they’re not Muslims. My maid, who is a Muslim doesn’t wear a burqa. But her 18 year old daughter, who is studying in college, asked for one only to protect herself from ragging on her way to and from college. Despite all the awareness, the stereotypes and the blatant bullying of women continues.
I havent seen the movie, though after reading the various reviews have a decent idea of what exactly it is about. I live in DElhi and most of the times am on my own with my two daughters as hubby is out. I avoid travelling post seven and am skeptical about whom i talk to otherwise too. Sad but thats the state of things today. We are so far away from gender equality. Where I need to think twice before stepping out in the night and even to certain parts of the town during the day.