I remember reading about tolerancewhen I was in school. I knew of the word but I truly understood the meaning only after reading about it in a chapter in some school book. I don’t remember which it was though. However, I do remember the gist. It basically said that we need to be liberal and open-minded towards opinions different from our own. We may have our own beliefs and ideas but they don’t necessarily have to be right or accepted by others. The idea of tolerance was inculcated back then and ever since I have tried to be patient and accepting to viewpoints diverse from my own.
“It is not for me to judge another man’s life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
But I’m no saint neither am I perfect, so I have often gotten carried away to the point of brandishing others wrong, yes without dialogue or debate. And I’m sure I still do it now. In fact, I knowI even do it now. But as much as possible, I make a conscious effort, every now and then, to understand and comprehend what someone else is saying. And even contemplate on the whys. But in doing so I have often confused tolerance with not voicing dissent.
“The highest result of education is tolerance” ― Helen Keller
I have found that in my quest of being tolerant, I have often stopped myself from being completely honest about what I feel. Or, rather I have stopped myself from voicing my opinions freely. But that has not stopped others from expressing anything and everything that comes to their mind, sometimes even to the point of being blatantly offensive.And that is not tolerance, that’s simply letting people walk all over you. Sadly, I have been guilty of doing so.
While tolerance is welcome, off of late I have realized that I can no longer deal with the conceit of people who are clearly in over their heads. I’ll tell you about a simple incident which perhaps might clarify the point to a certain extent. It was ethnic day at my sister’s office the other day. And this colleague of hers came out of nowhere to tell her that she was looking bad, fat and what not because she had chosen to wear a cotton saree. Now, if you analyze carefully, how my sister was looking is not even the question here. The point is, people are so full of it that they don’t even know what, when or how to speak. Subtlety and courtesy are lost arts and it’s not tolerance to be at the receiving end of it, which by the way I have naively been believing all along. But not anymore.
“He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.” ― Charles Martin, Chasing Fireflies
I am done nodding to, well, non-sense. So, next time when a certain friend of mine tells me that everyone is busy emulating her, I’ll tell her that’s just her fantasy. She first needs to be someone to be emulated. And I don’t mean someone famous, someone in her own right. When a couple that I’m acquainted with judges every second person they see, I’ll tell them they first need to stop living off their parents’ money. Don’t judge others when you have yourself not accomplished anything at all in life. Yes, even something as basic as your financial independence.
“The more a man knows, the more willing he is to learn. The less a man knows, the more positive he is that he knows everything…” ― Robert G. Ingersoll
When someone blows her own trumpet incessantly, I’ll ask her to gain some self-restraint. When someone judges me for tweeting for brands in exchange for money, I’ll tell them you are not the boss of me. And since you go to every damn ‘free’ event in town you have no right to criticize. When that blogger acquaintance of mine talks big about righteousness, I’ll remind her of the numerous occasions she sold her so called ‘principles’ for freebies. When someone pretends to be my friend and doesn’t even find time to come and see me, I’ll make my displeasure known. When those over-zealous, pretentious bootlickers sermonize about how I need to go about my career, I’ll shut them up saying I’m not theirs to be driven.
“In contrast to your usual minions, I imagine, I’m a bit more awed by your conceit and arrogance than I am by your supposed magnificence.” ― Caitlin Crews, The Replacement Wife
Fundamentally, I’m done being nice. I’m done being quiet. I’m tired of the stupidity around me. The sheer nonsense people dish out, if you let them do it that is. This cacophony of twaddle has been driving me crazy. And I’m to blame because I should have shut them up when I had the chance.
I think lately I have lost thepower to endure nonsense. Hence, the flurry of posts along the same lines. I’m sure there are people, maybe even you, who think I should stop with the whining. There are things about me that people, maybe even you, don’t like. I don’t blame you. After all, I’m far from perfect. So feel free to tell me off!
“If a man thinks he is not conceited, he is very conceited indeed.” ― C.S. Lewis
But before you go, tell me how do you deal people who judge others relentlessly?
How do you deal with people who sing their own praises without batting even an eyelid?
Do you tell them off or just let them carry on?
And if you do the latter, doesn’t that bother you or get on your nerves?
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I'm giggling here, Naba, although I can sense the determination behind your posts. Pardon me, I just love how you've said it! My BS meter works really well these days and every one gets it in the neck too! Niceness is for wimps! 😛
After some point we all lose the patience to endure nonsense. It's so rude that someone actually said all that to your sister. I mean, where are the basic manners? It's terrible. Sadly I am someone who quietly endures the rude comments, maybe because if someone else is fowl mouthed it's their problem. I put them on ignore mode.
I think I have become more human over the years .. and tend to ignore if someone is trying to be an Idiot..
i believe idiots will be idiots no matter what .. y waste our own time ..
Bikram's
This post speaks my mind. I made up my mind a year back to have enough of the judgement and all the shit talk coming my way. As you have mentioned, I have too learnt not to give numerous chances to other people to tell me how wrong I am by my doings. I may think once or twice the other person might be having a bad day but if it becomes a regular phenomenon I know i have to put an end to it and blatently. I have done it with complicated & insecure family members. I block out outsiders when they do the same to me. Today I feel much more stronger in my mind space and peaceful.
My goodness..!! Looks like someone is totally on your nerves right now..and time has come to set them right..!! All I'll say is take good care of yourself and try to free yourself from all the worries.. The lesser the people, the lesser the worries..
Cheers
Ignore such people Nabanita. Avoid them. And yes, tell them off if you can't but with elan so that you put them in your place. Anger means you are handing them a victory. Do it Clark Gable style
Ignore them! I too love how you said it. Sometimes you just got to unleash the fury! ♥
It depends on how and where I'm hearing the words. On Facebook… I tend to just scroll past and not engage. Face to face… if it were an ongoing issue, we simply wouldn't have a lot of face to face time. So… I don't know. I definitely don't call people out unless I think there is a reason. For instance, I know the person would take my words and use them.
I can certainly relate to confusing tolerance with silence. These days I am more likely to tell someone that I disagree with them, in the nicest possible way, than have them walk all over me. I can generally tell if someone is going to be open to a discussion, or will just try and put me down or enforce their views on me. And it all depends on how I feel whether I can be bothered putting the alternate point of view!
wow… you can be nice and still call of Bullshit… gets tough at times but I try to do that.. and honestly, this is your blog… whine away all you want 😛 people shouldnt judge… i kept nodding all the way thru this post… well written!
hehe Corinne…you said it niceness is for wimps and I'm done being one 😀 😉
Oh even I thought that way Rajlakshmi…But these people take it as a license to say whatever nonsense comes to their mind, I'm very much motivated to bring them off their high horses 🙂
That is true but I just want to shut these idiots up at least once, so that they don't blabber in front of me 🙂
I think we should do it often because they need to be told they are wrong and they are actually nothing, not perfect examples to go around sermonizing…I hope I'm successful in this mission 🙂
Oh yes you guessed it right Geets, someone is really annoying me! 😀
Yes, planning to Lata…some of them though don't deserve any elan! 😀
hehe thanks Kathy <3
On Facebook even I tend to ignore…But it is the constant nonsense face to face that I'm tired of taking…I think people take silence as a license to say anything and everything
True Mali…I guess these days I'm in the frame of mind where I can't let people walk away thinking they are right when clearly they are miles off the mark!
hehe thanks 🙂 I was sort of whining,wasn't I?
I loved the way you wrote this. So honest. I mostly turn myself off if I get across such people. I am pretty patient but if I see people are in the own world and can't stop admiring themselves, I cut my self off.
I think we have a right to be the way we want to be.So even if we want to be obnoxious we have a right to be that. If someone doesn't like that, it's their problem not ours. Live and let live. I sensed your frustration. Hugs.
Bang on point!, I think it is mix of social norms and our education that we tolerate initially but then the real us (defined by our education and upbringing) helps us distinguish from right from wrong…your post has many rights…that's what i call "Having Spine"
Nabanita you have pretty much summed up what I have been thinking for a while now. Often we confuse tolerance with silence and all issues follow suit..
Richa
I try to avoid or ignore too Parul but sometimes , like now, the sheer stupidity and conceit just gets to me!
Hugs right back at you Suzy! You sensed right, I'm just too frustrated these days!
Thanks so much Ruchi…I know it was mostly a rant, this post, but it feels good to find that it's actually something we all feel…
True and it's about time we clearly define and distinguish the two!
Oh yes! these people can be a pain in all the wrong places! there's really no need to be silent about it…better to speak out, stand our ground and have our peace!
True! I'm going to try and do that now 🙂 Wish me luck!
A quote that I learnt a few years ago comes to mind, "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing!". I feel a lot of people would benefit from learning that, especially the person who offered her opinion to your sister!
I agree that you should definitely not cater to people's nastiness! At the same time, stay classy! I'm sure, you will! Go get'em!! 😀
Oh I love that quote…Sadly, not many actually follow that line of thinking..I'll try to remain classy though 🙂