Trivialize No More!

Aug 5
NabanitaDhar
You know every time I write a post around the issues that concern women I’m faced with a rather peculiar rebuttal, actually it’s more of a statement really. It is something that initially irked me a lot. But after a few times all it did was make me smile at the naivety of those making the case and now I have actually become quite adept in ignoring those comments altogether. But today when I’m extremely bored at office, I thought it could actually be a great time to ponder a little on this ‘statement’ and close this chapter once and for all. What do you think? Oh yes, right, I haven’t even told you what it is! So shall we begin?
So every time there is a post on my blog about the prejudices against women there is at least one person who comes to me, virtually of course, and tells me I should stop for men also have enough problems of their own and nobody seemingly cares about them. I should close shop (read take down my blog) for I don’t voice the sufferings of men. Point taken. Men have problems. But my friend who’s stopping anyone from writing about men and highlighting the issues they face? I certainly am not. All I’m doing is voicing my concern on the regressive attitude of this society towards women. That’s it. My talking about women’s issues doesn’t trivialize men’s issues. Anyone and everyone is free to talk on that. But just because someone thinks my speaking about women is actually speaking against men I’m not going to stop what I’m doing. I certainly am not! These kind of irrational arguments don’t take anything away from the seriousness of the matters pertaining to women that I highlight. So again I stress who’s stopping anyone from writing or fighting for men? Tell me who is? But using this argument to gag anyone who speaks about women, frankly, is a little, actually completely distasteful.
I find it hard to process when people try to silence pro-women voices on the pretext that men too have problems and since they ‘apparently don’t create a hullabaloo’ about it so shouldn’t women. I, of-course, seriously doubt when someone says that men don’t whine. Please, I stress again pro-women is not anti-men. But yes any man who makes the life of a woman hard is certainly on the castigating end of the spectrum for me or any other woman for that matter. And yes we do hate such men. Let there be no doubt I’m certainly ‘anti’ such men and anyone who supports them; so are other women.
Remember Sonali Mukherjee who was chastised with acid for standing up to scoundrels? And she is not the only one. Tell me then what justifies that kind of inhuman act? Tell me do men face this danger too on a daily basis? Enlighten me if they do on the scale that women do. But you know what I will still ask you to raise your voice even if one man has been a victim of such vicious acid attack for saying no to a woman. Also I promise not to trivialize it by saying that I have more cases of women victims with me and that yours is just a one off case. Every individual’s suffering is worth highlighting. I just choose to speak from the side of women for I personally feel connected to women, I being one.
Priyadarshini Mattoo. Remember her?Sadly women can’t even reject proposals or advances without fearing being raped and killed, even if that fear engulfs their mind for just a moment. So don’t you think the problems of women are important enough? Or, is belittling women’s issues the latest fashion? And that’s not all. When I talk about the day to day struggles of married woman I’m faced with the peculiar argument that women nowadays are too opinionated and are in fact misusing their rights. Having opinions and not toeing the archaic lines of society becomes abuse of rights, really? Of course, if someone chooses to turn a blind eye to the truth I can’t do anything, can I?
To everyone who ridicule or look with questioning eyes at the problems faced by women across India I want to tell you this, just quoting cases where women are the perpetrators of wrong doings against men or in-laws doesn’t solve the pan Indian problem. Rapes, Dowry, diktats on what women should wear or not and lack of security for women are real problems and don’t just occur once in a blue moon. Not that they are justified if the occurrences are rare. So these struggles, these issues need to be addressed again and again if we want things to change.
Just because a handful of women are independent doesn’t mean problems have ceased to exist. Even the women who have made it on their own are not spared jibes from in-laws or the society at large for doing what they do. They are not spared from being raped or killed. So if these women are not spared the derision imagine the condition of women in smaller towns and villages. I don’t need to educate you on how women are killed ruthlessly or tortured throughout their lives in the name of morality or traditions. And yes one more thing just because rapes happen in other countries too doesn’t mean they should and it also doesn’t mean that women are safe in India. So there that’s what I wanted to say. The issues that I highlight or that we all highlight are very real. Please do not scoff at issues that real women face on a day to day basis unless of-course you don’t mind stooping too low and that is how you feed your soul! Please don’t try to justify even a single wrong that is done to a woman. We are fighting for our rights for let’s face it our society hasn’t really given women what they deserve, at least not to every woman and every girl. 

Thank You!
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58 thoughts on “Trivialize No More!”

  1. "Just because a handful of women are independent doesn't mean problems have ceased to exist." these lines of your resonate and echo what many women feel great post. Aptly spoken

  2. Yes, Naba! The problem is with our society that just points fingers at women sometimes for their own problems. I loved that quote you shared about men feeling defensive. Clearly we love the good men in our lives and thrive on their love and concern. But that does not mean, we have no right to raise our voice against the terrible ones. An independent, thinking woman offends many, sadly!

  3. This is an important post. I am with you on every single line you have written. And Naba, I have seen some women also pointing the same thing in the name of gender equality. Here's my post on this Is it dawn yet?

  4. Agree with everything you say here.. there is this blanket feeling across that being pro women is anti men 🙁 But as rachna rightly put it, the problem likes in our society. Unfortunately for us the good men are far and few while the kinds who create the problems are countless in number. And it is absolutely our job to express ourselves on the topic. But you know what saddens me the most? When women say that we behave too independent and express are views too freely. I see that a lot around… and that hurts quite a bit

  6. Standing up and applauding, Naba. I'm not sure why when we talk for one gender, we must be seen as opposed to the other. Like you said, no one stops the men from expressing their problems.

  8. i agree with you and your post, keep writing your perspective as its your right as well as its right

  9. True, Nabanita. For one voice that speaks out there are many others that want to curb it. The universal mindset has always been to stifle anybody who wishes to change something that shakes the others into a change. It could be change of any nature. And, the patriarchal ways of society is so deep rooted that it will take a while before the wave of change of takes over.

  11. Whoever causes suffering to another is a criminal in my lexicon and to raise a voice against a criminal is not to raise a voice against any grouping the criminal belongs to. And, for sure, where Society tends to tacitly ignore the crimes of one group against another, people of the second group NEED to raise a voice in order to highlight the problem.

    As for the anti-men part, I have found a few who would take a strident posture against any opinion that highlights issues that concern men – as, indeed, I have found men who act anti-women in trying to silence all voices that are raising concerns about the position and safety of women in Society. These are people with close-minded attitudes and need to be ignored. I CAN because the women who raise such issues are very few whereas you would actually need to raise a voice because there are so many – enough to make it one of the evils of Society that needs to be talked of and loudly.

    On a personal note, I have raised men's issues on my posts as well AND never have I found you – or a majority of the women speaking on behalf of women – belittling the points I raised. THAT is sufficient indication that there is no anti-men stance involved in your pro-women writing, so to hell with those who say otherwise.

  12. I totally agree with the post. Why can't people understand that we aren't anti-men, but anti-evil? It's a fact that women have to face more evils in our society. Like you said, no one is forbidding men to write about their issues.
    Keep writing.

  14. I have been abused, told I was overreacting and that men have it worse when I have spoken against rapes. The fact is women raising their voices against injustices scares certain men. Only a secure man will applaud and encourage a strong woman,

  16. Very nicely written article.Some people are really insensitive towards women,and they want "the men" to be always talked about.You do what you are doing,we love you.

  17. Who is stopping the men from raising there issues. They should consider this thing….it is always the woman who is chastised or looked down upon. Men are never haunted by the society the way a woman is.

  18. Very powerfully written! Clear thoughts which hopefully make people who criticize you and your actions sit up and open their minds.

  19. I agree Naba. Women are chastised for no reason just because they decide to take a stand. Despite the fact that we've moved forward considerably in many other areas of society, this stupid mentality of our society that expects a large part of women to be quiet and unassuming and "accept" things as they are , drives me insane. It's great to see more women raise issues that affect them. As for men being picked on, well, as you rightly said, they are well within their right to voice their concerns – should they have any. Powerful piece Naba.

  20. Women are at the receiving end in our society always, right from their birth till death and it's time we raise voice against the regressive attitude that is thrust on us. Agree, men have their issues too (but they are minuscule in comparison to those faced by women) and they can raise their voice too. But trivializing women's issues or stopping them for voicing them out speaks a lot about their attitude and the psyche.

  21. Very powerful piece.I agree when you say pro women is not anti men. I wonder why they dont realize this ! Its rather sad when instead of supporting us in our fight, the majority of the society ends up criticizing and blaming !

  23. With you all through the way. The way my family talk about me is as if I am anti men. Please I just want us women who are not so lucky to just stand up and make a stand for themselves. Is it wrong to want to have a better life?

  24. Thanks Datta… I also hope it resonates with those that ask us to not raise these issues anymore..

  25. So true Rachna our society hasn't evolved to accept that a woman can be independent and think on her own…It is truly very sad and I wonder when will all this end…

  26. I read your post Roohi and it is sad that even women feel the same way..How can we forget that the battle hasn't even been won till now!?

  27. So true Seeta…If women themselves refuse to see the issues surrounding women then there's nothing worse than that no? I don't know what it will take for them to see things as they are and not become defensive..

  34. So glad that the thoughts I and women like me express resonate with people like you Suresh…It gives me the courage and the push to keep highlighting the issues… We need more voices to point out the wrongs in our society and in the process we should remember no to ridicule a group that is different from ours..I wish more people understood this…

  37. absolutely Purba only a secure man will not become defensive when confronted by a strong woman…

  42. Thanks Sid…Glad to know men too understand why we write what we write..Really encourages us not to stop you know!

  43. So true Shilpa … Wonder when they will understand and not only the men but some women too who get defensive when anything is spoken against men who wrong women…

  44. So true Ruch… Why can't we point out what is wrong together as a society rather than becoming defensive?

    Thanks for dropping by…

  46. Not at all Athena…It is not at all wrong to have a better life and that's what the society should understand!

  47. Some good points raised here, Naba! Nobody can write about each and everything under the sun. Those who tell a writer why don't you write about this or that must realize this simple fact before giving advice. But of course in the situations you describe there is definitely another thing going on which is very disturbing.

  48. A thoughtful post Nabanita. Being pro-women does not mean anti-men. The men who cry hoarse about their problems should highlight their woes. Nobody is stopping them.

  49. That's a very valid point Naba. However much men can crib about their problems, the fact is that it nowhere comes close to what women face everyday – be in decisions, choices they never have, harassment and I would go so far as to say, even now – even today's educated women is still not on a completely equal footing sans a few liberated men & women.

  50. You said it Beloo…Wonder why is it so hard for people to understand and why this vicious need to poke fun at everything important…

  52. I agree even today's educated women don't have it easy in-spite of the Independence they might have..they have to fight at it every day, even if on small things in life..

  53. I can feel the angst, the frustration behind the post.. Well done naba.. A very powerful post you have penned.. It takes immense strength to voice your opinions like this ..
    I too feel like this but I am unable to scrap them of so strongly and stay unaffected..
    I am so tired of dealing with this everyday .. just plain and simple tired…
    Your echoing of thoughts is kind of a validation for me and in a way gives me the strength …

  54. Even raising an issue requires guts. You need to know the problem, face it with a willingness to change and after everything under the sun has failed, you do something. So, it's an entire process. I think it's pretty easy to sit on the sidelines and judge.

  55. Keep writing and voicing your opinions Naba. So true that when we make a stand for women, it doesn't mean we are anti men- such narrow thinking on that person's part.

  56. I'm so glad it does…I hope we keep posting and continue being each other's strength …
    Thanks for dropping by 🙂

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