Many years ago, on a cold winter night in a hill station in India’s Northeast, two sisters made a pact on how their lives would be once they grew up. This post is about that pact. On that cold November night, under a warm blanket, curiously, they vowed to never have a Bengali clotheshorse in their house. It is amusing because had they realised the convenience of one, they would never have said so. But for them, the clotheshorse embodied tedium and being shackled in a life determined by someone else. The clotheshorse, for them, stood for a kind of life they wanted to avoid. It signified living with a life partner they hadn’t chosen themselves. And they never wanted to settle for that. They wished to make choices for themselves every day as grown-ups. And the clotheshorse represented everything that would stop them from realising those dreams. They can’t recall now what spurred that conversation all those years ago, but the promises are still fresh in their minds.

Two Sisters, A Clotheshorse & A Pact for Life

I know it is weird, and those sisters were indeed strange. They still are. They could have talked about many things, clothes, the handsome basketball coach of their schools, and the Christmas holidays, but their hearts desired something else. I don’t think they consciously carved out the details of their pact. But somewhere, they wished for the confidence that comes with making their own life choices themselves. It was attractive to their young hearts. And why not?

What they wanted, but perhaps couldn’t have recognised at that point, was never to have to ask someone else to fulfil their wishes. Somewhere in their psyche, they had discovered early on that happiness would come if only they held the reins of their own lives, tightly too. Yes, they needed care, but without handing over the control. 

It’s liberating when you don’t have to get approval for all of your life’s decisions.

Now that they look back, they have realised that dream. They each chose their life partners and made a home that now gives them the sanctuary everyone desires. Everything might not be ideal, for they, like everyone else, need to deal with the stress of being an adult every day. But the foundation of their adult lives lies in the knowledge that they are both independent women today. Sure, they would have loved to be two filthy rich, independent women, who wouldn’t? But what they have is precious. They need not be told twice about how lucky they are, standing on their own two feet, something many women still dream of.

Happiness would come if only they held the reins of their own lives, tightly too.

I wish that every girl covets and has the same kind of independence. It’s liberating when you don’t have to get approval for all of your life’s decisions. Granted, it is going to be anything but easy. Let’s face it, independence for a woman doesn’t also mean being carefree like it has forever been for a man. We still have to take care of all the things at home, of kids and everything else in between. So, that means paid labour, but also the unpaid work we have all been doing for ages. Still, I would take this trade-off any day when the alternative is being dependent all my life, no matter the love and respect. In all likelihood, most of us will not have it all. The system is far too rigged against us for that to happen. But we must try to recognise and attain a sort of autonomy. But this is a discussion for another day, what’s more important is that our girls recognise the need to be the masters of their destinies.

“…her wings are cut and then she is blamed for not knowing how to fly.”

― Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex

I’m delighted that the sisters recognised and longed for this all those years ago. They yearned for wings that would let them soar when so many of their fellow women still had their wings clipped.

So, my wish for every girl is that she finds the clotheshorse she doesn’t want in her life and works towards getting rid of it. 

Tell me, what is/was your clotheshorse? I’m all ears. Also, any guess who those sisters are? What do you think?

Ciao!