Sometimes the view may not be much but brings with it a treasure trove of memories.
It was raining very, very heavily that day in Guwahati. As I looked out from my mom’s balcony, a cloudy city greeted me. And it took me in a downwards spiral, into the memory lane.
Growing up in Shillong, Meghalaya, this was the weather almost throughout the year. Chilly, wet, inviting green, beautiful in every way. Then the lightning, almost like a guardian warding off evil. Almost like a dragon protecting this town nestled in the hills, keeping the bad out and the good in. A quaint little hill station, my home for 18 long years.
Today, lost in the hustle and bustle of city life, saying that I miss it would be the understatement of the century. But I’m still going to say it.
I miss Shillong terribly.
I miss the person I was there. Untainted by all that is wrong with the world. Innocent, trusting. Naïve, perhaps. But I do miss living there.
Sometimes I actually wonder how life would have been if I never left. Sometimes I wonder if moving out of there was any good for my soul. While looking for opportunities, comforts, and connectivity, sometimes I wonder if pace and serenity were what I lost in the bargain.
While undoubtedly I have gained so much, there are some important things that I had to leave behind. Can’t have it all, can I?
I love Bangalore. I do. No two ways about it and I also get very annoyed when anyone tells me I’m an outsider. It’s a city in my country so it’s as much mine as it is someone else’s who has been born and brought up there. I just hate it when people stoop to that level. They lose my respect. But I digress.
Point is, today Bangalore is my present and future. It is my home. But I do miss and reminisce about Shillong. Often.
I think a part of me is still there, walking its streets and basking in the winter sun. A part of me is still walking through the meandering paths leading to the cottage I grew up in and the corridors of my school, sneaking out, bunking classes in junior college. I can still close my eyes and take a whiff of Shillong. So real and almost within my reach. I can almost hold it if I want to.
Maybe it happens to all, the place you grow up never really gets detached from you. An invisible pull remains. Should remain. What are we if not connected to our roots?
What is it that I miss?
The simplicity of life in Shillong. The small town feeling where you know almost every other person. And they know you too. The pace of life which actually allows relationships to grow. Where neighbors actually know each other. The gift of time for having a life. The freedom of not having to squeeze life in weekends. These are things that I wish I still had. These are the things I remember fondly.
I think a part of me also wishes to be closer to my roots. But what can you do? I can either have a career or not have one if the choice lies between a city and Shillong. Not something I like but that’s the truth.
Growing up we always wished to fly out of the nest. It couldn’t have been sooner. That’s how much we wanted to explore the world and see places. Grow, basically. But now that we are here, living a life that we perhaps dreamt of, in a city of our choice, we want to go back again. Strange, isn’t it?
What about you? Do you miss the small town life too? Does your heart not crave the peace and quiet?
Linking to #MondayMusings
This post is my first Monday morning read; so refreshing and awakening. With each para I visualized nature in all its glory. Meghalaya, the name is so beckoning. I too wish to live by a flowing river in an old style house with minimum needs and zero stress of city life. Srirangapatnam and its confluence of rivers is on my mind.
Nice read:)
I can empathise with you to some extent. Although Hyderabad is not a small town, it does have a small town feel to it. Somehow, I was lost in Mumbai and I'm glad that we had the freedom and the flexibility to make it back here.
I have lived in a number of cities in my childhood and each has left its mark over me. I think I miss all of them for different reasons and also for the sheer nostalgia of the memories.
Nostalgic kind of post, Naba 🙂 I can empathise with you, missing all the serenity and slow pace of life that was part of your growing up experience. Strangely, I grew up in a big city, Delhi, and I don't miss it at all!!! I guess some places, no matter even if you are born and raised here, just don't feel the 'right' place for you at some stage of life.
For years we went to our village to spend time with family. I still hold that peace in my heart… Growing up was something else there.
As always your raw and honest writing soothes my heart…
I'm not really a small town girl but I do miss all the places that I've lived in while growing up….
I miss that life of small town very much. People are actually there for each other. Everything seems so wonderful there. 🙂
I can relate to you. I like small cities. Places where people know each other. Those that are not so big that you can't go from one part of the city to the other. Something that Bangalore has given me. The comfort that things are within reach. My home town is also a small city and though I don't miss it much, I miss those days. The people and their love. But when I go back, it feels home 🙂
I love those memories in town in my childhood, but I dont miss it. Since no one(my relatives/ friends) is living there now, I completely lost connection too. But I love Chennai and Bangalore, where I worked on my first job. I love to travel to those cities whenever I get chance. By the way, I love to visit Shillong too after reading your post 🙂
I travelled down the pathways of Shillong along with your description, could almost visualise the clouds hanging low over the pineapples plantations. I have lived in small cities but I have spent much of my life in Delhi, a place I have never been able to identify myself with. I cherish my earliest memories of the time I lived in Guwahati. Someday may be we will sit together to discuss 🙂
I long for my hometown too, though it is not so small (and never was). There are emotions attached with the place for me, that I can find nowhere else.
Very eager to visit Shillong once in my lifetime !!! Yes, I terribly missed my home town Kovilpatti such that it brought me back from South Africa last Feb.
Shillong is such an adorable place that one is bound to miss it!
I just did an exactly similar post about my hometown. I completely identify with what you are saying. I love Pune, my home for more than a decade now yet when I come home I wonder how I can call any other place 'home'. I guess we never quite outgrow our hometowns specially if we move away. They seem charming in their simplicity when we come back.
I didn't grow up in a 'small town', so while I can't say I've experienced the same, I can totally relate to the post. I've lived in a few 'small towns' and there is a sense of belonging and camaraderie that gets lost in the facelessness of these big towns.
However, home remains where the heart is, and I guess my home remains where I'm happy and my family is.
PS. I've been a nomad – hence why 🙂
Lovely post, Naba
This is a dilemma I too suffer from… Everytime I go home to meet my parents, relax in the slow pace of a slowly growing town, I wonder why I leave this life behind. It's a tug of war between the things you want and the things you need. Beautiful post Naba. I remember the monsoon in Guwahati, the lighting over the hills look terrifying yet so beautiful.