Are you a listener, a good listener? And do you like to be heard?
Well, if you ask me the same question, I’d have to say I am one. At least, I would like to think so. By nature more so than anything else. The thing is I find talking about something, explaining my views to someone else rather strenuous. One of the reasons, I love writing, you see. However, there are times when I like to be heard too. But on those rare occasions, I find there are very few who are willing to listen. Family, yes, they are always happy to but the others, not so much.It’s not a recent observation really. Not, at all. I have seen it, experienced it first hand for years now. People seem to only need you as a one way sounding board. Their problems, their joys, their accomplishments, that’s all they focus on. As long as you are listening to what they have to say, responding to something that concerns their life, you have their attention. But the moment you move on to your life, their interest wanes. Do you know why that is?
On those rare occasions when I wish to be heard, I find there are very few who are willing to listen.
I’m an introvert and never really look for people to listen to me much because I like to keep things to myself. But when I’m engaged in a conversation, I expect it to be a two-way street. This my-life-is-more-important-than-yours syndrome is something that puts me off meeting and engaging with new people. Why even bother when I have enough of my troubles and chores to keep me busy. Why try to hear when I’m not being heard?
Of course, not everyone is the same but most are, often unknowingly but still are.
The other day I was talking to someone at over tea. She had just shared something pertaining to her life. In fact, she probably had been talking for an hour or so before I even began. But when I did, I noticed she was visibly impatient. In fact, not really listening to me either. From the expression on her face, I could gauge that she just couldn’t wait to get back to talking about her own life, her family, and her work. She didn’t even bother to offer her two cents on what I was talking about. And the moment she got a chance she went back to talking about things that concern her, things I’m not remotely related to.
Have we really become so selfish that we can’t even pretend to be interested? What about basic manners? We all know, manners maketh man or is that just passe now.
Sometimes I think I shouldn’t even bother to listen. But in our busy life, if we take time out to spend with someone, is it really not justified to want to be heard too? Otherwise, where’s the meaning of it all?
Meaningful conversations seem to be a thing of the past or limited to a select few. With mindfulness being something that is apparently lacking in most of us, it is but natural to expect someone to put in as much effort and heart into a conversation as you are. But as I have seen it rarely happens these days.
If we care to be in the present for someone, is it not but natural to expect them to be for us?
What are your thoughts on this?
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| Linking this to #WritingWednesdays |
I had a friend like that. The end result, she is no more the friend I talk too..
I had a friend like that. The end result, she is no more the friend I talk too..
Totally agree. Went through that phase. Some would suggest, just ignore and disconnect to such individuals. But, then, why not make ourselves heard. Make them listen, not by force, but, by improvising on our conversation skills. Try to catch breaks in others talk,where we can enter and start talking. But make sure, you try it with only those, who just want to talk and not hear others. This is what I tried, and I do succeed.
Oh yes! I think listening to others is a fast-vanishing skill. These days we find that most people are just interested in talking about themselves. Maybe they want to show off their knowledge or make sure that their opinion is heard. It can be bugging as you pointed out.
Too many of us, while someone else is speaking, are rehearsing what we are going to say next. It's a bad habit and hard to break. We all want to feel valued, and one of the best way to value someone is to listen….really listen, when that person talks to you. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
I feel with people being online most of the time they hardly have anyone to talk to, so when they meet people they just rant out their whole story without bothering what the other is saying. Listening is a great skill and I have realised only my close friends actually listen… others just let it slip.
Yes, listening is a good art and one that most of us, including me need to practice more. Thanks for the reminder 😀
I would like to believe that I am a good listener too. And I am pretty confident that I am. The I-Me-Myself syndrome drives me crazy but I still listen. such a waste of times and that makes me think I need to find a balance.
I am a good listener, but when I see a person repeating the same thing or problem again and again, it makes me very impatient. You are absolutely right. A meaningful conversation is a two-way street. Both the people should speak and listen, when required.
I think that's the future of my relationships of all such people
Maybe I will give this a try… I might even enhance my skills. 🙂
Yes, very true, Rachna. I think we are fast becoming impatient and to an extent more selfish than usual..
so true. maybe we should be reminded that if we value others only then we will be valued.
So true. Maybe, if we are not close, people just want us to be sounding boards.
hehe Ami… 😀
I know. let me know if you find a way out!
True, Purba. And I know what you mean about people repeating stuff.
I have a friend who talks a lot and so do I. We find a hard time listening to each other. Both of us wants to bring out whats in our heart without listening to the other one and then laugh at our own selves later.
I can talk but I'm a listener too. At least to the ones I really care about. I'm always ears to them!
Cheers
Geets