Why Do Moms Go To Work?
My daughter asked me this question the other night. Why do moms go to work? Why do moms go to work really? This when she was telling me how moms should not leave kids in the daycare, instead they should play with their kids. I was surprised at this. So, I asked her if she doesn’t enjoy being in her play home, the name she uses for her current daycare. To that, she said of course she does but she misses me too. I can’t tell you how my heart broke at this. Of course, I want to be with her as much as I can but then I want to be at work too. I need to do both and be both. So, the question, why do moms go to work, had to be answered carefully.
I told her that night that many moms go to work and it’s a good thing. I showed her the example of her friend J’s mother who goes to work too. I told her that if moms go to work then moms will be strong and that will make their kids strong. Of course, I wanted to say working makes moms independent but she wouldn’t understand that. However, the word strong she could somehow comprehend.
She asked me then if I was strong like Spiderman to which I said yes. When she grows up maybe she will understand better what these strengths are for a woman. Financial independence, fulfilment and happiness – so important to lead a life of your own choosing. Though I will always feel guilty about M being left in the daycare from when she was seven months old, I will also know that it was important. The positive effects of working mothers are numerous. With time, M will definitely get that.
Maybe when she is a young woman she will be able to appreciate this more. I also told her just like dads go to work, moms do too. Also, moms and dads go to work to give their kids a good future which in her lingo would be toys and chocolates. But I think that got the point across.
I had always known that I would hold on to my job after becoming a mother. Well, for as long as I can. What I didn’t know what that I might need to answer questions like these to a young impressionable mind.
“For a child whose first access to the world is through her mom, it might sometimes feel strange that the woman she loves the most is not with her all through the day.”
While my daughter most probably asked me this to prolong our conversation before going to bed, I’m sure her three-year-old self would have thought about it in a way a child does. Maybe she wonders where is my mom? Though she is pretty set in her routine now of school and then the daycare before I go and pick her up, she must sometimes wonder why.
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I think the answer is so complex that breaking it down for a pre-schooler is easier said than done. But it shouldn’t be that complex, should it? Moms go to work. Dads go to work. And either can stay at home if they choose to. But for a child whose first access to the world is through her mom, it might sometimes feel strange that the woman she loves the most is not with her all through the day.
I have thought about the question long and hard. So, maybe below are somethings we can tell our kids when they ask us why do you go to work mom?
Moms go to work because they are people too who have every right to step out and earn a living that fulfils them too.
Moms go to work just like dads go to work to make the best life for their family.
Moms go to work because if more and more moms go to work then the world will become better and safer.
Moms go to work because they want to.
Moms go to work so that they can be happy moms to their kids.
Moms go to work so that in case of emergency they are not left asking others for financial help.
Moms go to work to fulfil their own dreams.
Moms go to work because it gives them the freedom to walk out of abusive relationships without having to stay in it for their child’s future. Because they can take care of their child’s future themselves.
Moms go to work because they too have one life to live and it’s only fair they live for themselves as well.
Moms go to work because they have goals to achieve.
Moms go to work so that they can inspire their children to do the same and be independent.
Moms go to work so their kids can inherit a world where equality is more and more a reality.
Moms go to work because they love their kids and want nothing but the best for them.
You know, for a little girl, my daughter can sometimes ask very tough questions. And if you know me even a little from my blog, you’ll probably realise how I’m better at written communication rather than a verbal one. I really wish I was one of those people who could explain the most complex of things easily but that’s not me. Still, I try and hopefully what I told M made sense to her in some way.
I think what I need to make her understand by example is that a mom can work while still love and be there for her kids just like dads have been doing for ages. Also, a mom may not miss her child every hour when she is at work but that doesn’t make her a bad mom. And most importantly, a mom, whether stay at home or one who goes to work, loves her child more than anyone else possibly can and a big part of who she is or what she does is with her child’s welfare in her mind. Makes sense, right?
Well, moms reading this, tell me, what would you have said if your kid had asked you the same question?
I think at this tender age, she will be satisfied with the simplest of answers. You did a good job by telling her that it makes you strong or helps you buy toys and chocolates for you. My niece used to have a tough time in the play school with my sister’s hectic corporate job. She would constantly throw a tantrum and ask her mommy to quit like other mommies. The fact is that even now chid rearing is mostly looked after by women. You should see in my gated community. Highly educated and accomplished doctors, engineers, MBAs have given up jobs either because they did not have their spouse’s support or a support system to help them out. They gave up. Some of them are so very bitter and unhappy. I was lucky to have found a stable job that I can do from home. But, I do feel that women ought to work. As more and more women struggle and sustain this, this question will slowly start disappearing. My mil was a working woman. I can see how that made a difference to the thought process of her kids. You are doing a fantastic job, Naba. And your daughter loves you for it.
I think you tackled this tough question quite adroitely Naba. I am surprised that your baby asked you this, I mean considering most women of this gen are working…so obvi most of her friends’ moms too must be working. It always puzzles me how kids get the pulse of our guilt and weaknesses. Just like dads, moms have the need and right to work. But seldom have I observed children questioning their dads about it or dads feeling guilty about doing so. Mighty unfair, I say!