Why the secrecy Ma’am?

Aug 26
NabanitaDhar

A few college going girls once walked into a medicine store in a small town in Uttar Pradesh. They had recently moved into that town; were fresh out of junior college and now hostlers pursuing an engineering degree. It was their first time out of the confines of their homes. It was the first time they had come out to purchase a very essential item they would require every month of every year of their lives; well atleast for a long long time. They were there to buy Sanitary Napkins but what was the commotion all about? It was a pretty simple task wasn’t it? Nothing daunting! Just as they would buy medicines or even cosmetics; buying a Sanitary Napkin was the same. It wasn’t and still isn’t a rocket science. Then why were they pushing each other and shilly-shallying to even ask for that in the first place? Why the hesitation?

A girl on the eve of her marriage is pulled to a separate room by her aunt. The latter hesitantly begins speaking about Contraception and the precautions her niece would need to take to prevent any discomfort or unwanted pregnancy. But why the sudden outpour of information at the eleventh hour?

A woman walked into a clinic to visit a gynaecologist. It was her first visit to one as she had missed a period. Though she knew what that meant and she had even taken the pregnancy test at home. But she had to be sure. So she walked in and hesitantly related the cause of her visit. The doctor asked her when the last time she had ‘contact’ was. Someone asking you so openly about something so intimate even if a doctor brings a certain uneasiness and awkwardness among Indian girl; so she too shyly replied. The doctor then asked her to sit on the examination table to examine her. But as the doctor began the examination of her private parts the girl shrieked in disbelief. Why? It was because she didn’t know a gynaecologist examines one that way in such cases!

Yes these are typical instances of behaviours and experiences of Indian women. The idea of reputation and shame is misaligned in our society more so when it comes to women. As we grow up and enter ‘womanhood’ we are not taken to a gynaecologist to educate us about factors important for our health. We are never taught either in school or by our family members about ‘sex’. Yes the word we are supposed to refer as ‘You know what’ or not refer at all. Whatever little half baked knowledge we have comes from Google or our peers. Suddenly when we are about to be married we get a crash course on precautions and then on pregnancy are introduced into the world of gynaecologists. So the basic system itself is flawed which doesn’t as designed actually maintain the decorum of women. In reality it leads to uncertainty and problems to say the least.
There is a very familiar aphorism ‘A little knowledge is a dangerous thing’ which is very much pertinent when applied in context of Women’s Intimate issues and can actually be quite havoc making. It’s high time we widen our perspective and horizon. Why speak in hushed tones about something that is so vital?

This post is a part of the weekend blogging contest at BlogAdda.com in association with 18again.com

61 thoughts on “Why the secrecy Ma’am?”

  2. I agree with you. I am actually thankful to google. Had it not been for the internet, there would have been many more girls in our country who would have to rely on the 'crash course'.
    Amazing post! Hope you win the contest. Cheers!

    Website: http://payallal.blogspot.in/

  7. very nicely put… you are right that the most important issues related to our lives are talked in hush tones… and in larger extent not talked at all…. nice writing.. 🙂

  8. to communicate in the first place is the most important in this regard . isnt . . nice take . . all the best for the conest 🙂

  9. Awareness is needed not only for intimate issues, but for other health problems as well. Well written post as usual from you.

  10. On one hand we have dream of becoming a world power; on the other hand we are so backward in our thinking that one winces.

  12. It really happens around us. Even girls are pushed away from kitchen & pooja as they are assumed not sacred enough.

  13. It is so true that many of us are so apprehensive about the essentialities of life, when was ever buying a condom a big deal, its very simple and straight forward you go to a box , put a one rupee coin in and you get it! But unfortunately not many thinks so ! 🙂

  14. this is a very common happening this happens to almosr every young girl out for the first time on her
    Happened to me too Though today I am a doctor can laugh over it But In the present world specially in India this is relevant even today

  16. I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post
    was great. I do not know who you are but definitely you are going
    to a famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  18. Absolutely Payal if it wasn't for the internet we wouldn't know where to go…

    Thanks a lot Payal 🙂

  33. yes we have shed hypocrisy in matters sex. boys are no different at all . let us have a system of teaching our kids sex . or at least provide a website which they can access during the adolsent days. without the titilation of course.

    but let us not overdo it. the west is nothing to emulate in this area. they past the anarchy stage probably want conservatism back in matters sex and family

  37. So darn true. Fortunately, I escaped the lecture because people thought I had a PHD anyway. And believe it or not, my gynae was a male. And sanitary napkins is just like any other product no?

    But yes what you have cited are day to day examples of so many women. And education is the only way that will help.

  38. Nice post there. Things are definitely changing though. Most schools, in the cities at least, have basic sex education and mums too are preparing their daughters for adolescence. A pleasant change.

  39. You really have done a brave thing. Writing it in a blog. Having called it brave I myself has proved that how I about these. Seriously why it's such a big thing. I mean we all are hooked up to our TV sets watching sitcoms on star world or ZeeCafe, almost every weekend, where sex and periods are like linking verbs. And still we make sucha a big deal out of it that we can't even talk about these or feel awkward buying sanitary napinks. I really appreciate your article on this subject.

  40. So very true and nice to see someone writing bout it it a common man's readbale and comprehensible form. And trust me its not just confined to girls from faraway corners of UP or bihar, it's even true for delhites or puneites, or for every girl who's just completed school,and heads out for a college outside hometown,where mom's arnt around to help in such awkward moments. I believe more than education, it's also important how the older generation sees such issues. Ecducation at home I feel, is as imp as the one we get in school. Confidence goes a long way. Good article.

  41. A thought provoking article. I think we need to re-define the concept of shame in this country. About some things, we are perfectly shameless. About others, needlessly shameful.

  42. True Blogwati Gee even I do not understand the hesitation buying something as basic as a sanitary napkin…

  44. Thanks a lot 🙂 I really hope there comes a time where girls are educated about such important aspects of their lives

  45. I agree Education is important but the Older generation too needs to see it as a necessary change…

    Thanks 🙂

  46. 'About some things, we are perfectly shameless. About others, needlessly shameful.' Wonderfully put !

  47. Nice post mam…

    Myself sumanth…

    I agree with you mam, but our parents faced the same problem right? and according to you , at which age would it be better to give the children sex education ?
    if its

    below 16- "too young to know about these things "

    at 16-"children are in the puberty age, so lets not tell them these things so that their mind wouldn't be stuffed by sex knowledge"

    after 16/18- "Lot of generation gap… hesitation of both parents n children" …

    when is the right time mam?

    my blog address- http://www.summythejournal.blogspot.in/

  48. Education about Hygiene, anatomy, sexual abuse, sexuality and sex should be introduced to offsprings since early age

  49. such a lovely post! i could actually relate myself to the girls going to a medical store..thankfully times are changing and this too would be a thing of past soon(yes even in the small towns)..Parents have to play a pivotal role in this and make their "little princess" aware of sex education when they hit puberty..

  50. Very good topic to write on.
    I have this habit of checking the comments too.
    And, i noticed one comment which said we are not sacred hence we are not allowed in the Puja room. I think it is mostly associated with cleanliness.

  51. Thanks Summy… I think the right time is when she begins to transform into a woman…Its always better to know things and be aware than be caught off guard..

  54. Well yes Divenita I guess its got to do with cleanliness from a religious or sacred perspective per say more than anything else…

  56. An important issue, well presented in a perfect way. I completely agree and the thing is not just girls but teenagers in general. Being a teenager, I know the uneasiness and awkwardness of talks and discussions related to sex and sexual health with parents. Beautiful article, well written.
    I believe if parents feel uncomfortable then schools should take the initiative of educating us and as you said, A little knowledge is a dangerous thing so, this is much needed in modern India.

  57. And what about boys? where can we get the education of these things ?(I mean about pregnancy and all) .. Every boy doesn't have the habit of watching adult websites … what about them?

  59. You know whaaat? God bless you for this article. Its true, there's a certain amount of shame attached to us being women. While men are expected to be sexual creatures, they are expected to revel in masculinity, we are forced to suppress our sexuality. Anything otherwise and we're loose.
    So thumbs up to you.
    One more follower!

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