Now, before I proceed, let me just say, what I’m about to write is based on my 8 odd years in the industry, on what I have seen and heard. And yes, maybe I should add this disclaimer too – any reassemble to any person, dead or alive, is purely coincidental. Or, maybe not!
You know when you are a woman trying to make your mark or even just doing your day to day work, you need to work extra hard to be taken seriously. If you do well, most people attribute it to your looks or how well you gel with your superiors. Your aptitude, attitude, and hard work are blatantly ignored. Everything you get is attributed to external appearance or sympathy.
When I was a fresher, a woman, let’s call her K, joined our project midway as a lead. We already had a male lead then, let’s call him X, a veteran of sorts in the project. K was on-boarded because the project was expanding and needed two leads for taking care of things. K happened to be the one available who had experience in the domain as well. She was good too, really good.
When K joined, as is the norm, X had to give her the project tool specific knowledge transition, bring her up-to-speed, so to speak. But what he did was this.
He didn’t tell her everything that she needed to know about the project. He avoided or cancelled sessions meant for that or conveniently missed telling her important things in the sessions which he reluctantly happened to take. He didn’t even make an attempt to disguise his intentions or the lack of any thereof.
After a point of time, she realized what was happening too and confronted him. That’s when he told her ‘if I tell you everything then how will I hold on to my importance in the project‘. Yes, in these very words and in front of the entire team.
Now my question to you is this, would he have been able to say the same thing if K was a he instead of she? Think about it.
I’ll give you another example.
There was this team I worked in which had a balanced representation from both genders. Now the women would come in early; single women, mothers, and wives, sit and complete their work to leave early. The men, few of them, would come in late, go for those frequent cigarette and tea breaks and then stretch till late night to get their work done. Obviously, as long as work was being done, it shouldn’t have mattered. But it did. And do you know, which group was reprimanded?
Well, the women, of course. Don’t ask me why because I surely don’t see any logic in any of it. Apparently, they weren’t staying late. Ridiculous, right?
Another instance.
A friend of mine wasn’t taken into any project during her pregnancy because she couldn’t give a commitment for an entire year at a stretch. She was ready. She was ready to commit till she would have to go on leave but no one was willing to take her. Apparently, pregnancy disqualified her and made her incapable of work. They wanted a commitment of a year from a woman who would be delivering a baby in 9 months time. Ridiculous don’t you think?
So for no fault of hers, rather for the nonsense logic of some others, she was given a bad rating when she joined back. Why? Well, because she was not in any project for the better part of her pregnancy. Again, for no fault of hers. Fair? I think not.
This, my friends, is the kind of thing that people choose to ignore. This is the kind of nonsense that we face. Well, at least I was fortunate to have had a good experience at work during my pregnancy. But not all are so lucky.
The thing is, women do face issues at the workplace. And when they fight back they are labelled emotional or called ridiculous names. It irks me because believe it or not, women are serious about their careers too. Remember, an honorable minister being called Aunty National by a newspaper? Would they have even dared to do it for a male leader? Never!
Closer home, you must have read about what one manager told me when I was promoted. He preferred my male counterpart to me and didn’t hide his displeasure at the fact that I edged his favorite out on account of previous ratings, a deciding factor for promotions. He wouldn’t have dared to express his displeasure had I been a male. I’m sure.
So, in subtle ways, these prejudices still exist. Every woman has to face it in one way or the other, doesn’t happen in our imaginations, you know.
Well, tell you what, next time you hear jokes about women leaving early, think about a few things, will you? Ask yourself if you will be able to balance office, home, taking care of kids, family, food, washing and more, even with help? How will your life be if you are pressed for time for yourself? If your answers are ‘no’ and ‘can’t imagine’ then please don’t forward these jokes anymore.
You know my husband has worked as part of a team where all the members were leads and all men. None of them ever tried to impose their authority on the other. They were peers and they knew it. That’s being professional.
Now listen to this. The first day I came back to work, my peer tells me in front of the team that I’ll be reporting to him. Do you think he would have done that had I been a guy? He wouldn’t even have dared.
He did a few other things too, behaved in ways you would call unprofessional rather misbehaved, which I’ll leave out for now. Maybe I’ll write about that in the future but for now, let’s just say he took me to be a fool. Maybe not having a high pitched voice gives people the impression that I’m ready to be bullied. Anyways.
Time and again, it is assumed that women would be submissive, wouldn’t confront or point out mistakes. Well, more so if you are a woman back from maternity leave. Apparently, being on maternity leave makes you some kind of a dimwit. Apparently, you lose all your skills and probably even experience. The term long leave is thrown around as an insult.
Don’t get me wrong, I have worked with some wonderful people during the course of my career. I had a manager once who let me confront the client developer directly on call. I was just a team member then, not even a lead but he respected me. This manager was from the client side and he appreciated everything I did. I have also had people who put faith in what I can do and my intent.
But having said that, there have been some bad experiences too. Every time something went awry, it reaffirmed my belief that as a woman these few individuals see me as someone they can trample upon. It was always by someone who thought it was okay to belittle me for being a woman.
But, sir, I’m no pushover. I may even be scared at a prospective confrontation, it’s normal, but I’ll never let anyone walk all over me. My parents, my education and my experience, everything has taught me to be strong and not put up with nonsense. That’s who I’ll be whether you like it or not.
Well, I’m raring to go, work really hard and show people that I can balance my career, an infant and my writing too. Anyone who can’t do all the three things simultaneously has no right to pull me down because I won’t be.
A Woman, proud and determined to do well. You don’t scare me.
Sad state of affairs, Nana. I know where you are coming from. I have experienced some of this and seen it happen to other women. It's as if having a family is a woman's fault and she is now kept away from exciting projects. A peer asking you to report to him is ridiculous. Does he have the backing of your Manager to do that? Else take it to a higher authority. Don't take it lying down.
No he doesn't, Rachna..My manager has told me that I'll be working in separate projects and will be reporting to the manager and not my peer.. I guess he thought he could say whatever he wanted. But yes, I made my stand clear to him which he didn't enjoy at all 🙂
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Aunty national remark was the thing which garnered negativity to the print media. And Smriti being a national figure, we got to know about the open prejudice our society has for women. But yours is another such instance. So sad to see the sorry state.
Yes, these prejudices exist at all levels Naba, and in all fields! I have experienced quite a few myself. Being in the home interior field, quite a few new clients have expressed their doubt on whether a female would be capable of handling labour on site, negotiating with tradesmen for raw materials, work odd hours, be on call for emergency site-situations etc. It took me some time to establish myself and prove them wrong. But I still see a lot of bias and discrimination that most probably stems from faltering egos and the incredulity that women can and are better than men at work!
Very well said Nabanita!! I can relate to these experiences as i have also faced the same in organizations.. and when you voice it out, they call you a 'Feminist' with a derogatory note!!
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Having worked in the IT industry, your post was very relatable to me, Nabanita. I have faced a couple of the aforementioned incidents myself & it used to leave me frustrated to no end. My male team member & batch mate would stay back all night to work on the important stuff (after whiling away the whole day on breaks) while I was left doing the measly tasks during the daytime. In the end, he got picked for a bigger responsibility in lieu of the biased nature of the PM. It affected me deeply and taught me a good lesson. Sad state of affairs, I must say! Hope things turn out for the better.
"If you do well, most people attribute it to your looks or how well you gel with your superiors. Your aptitude, attitude and hard work are blatantly ignored. Everything you get is attributed to external appearance or sympathy."
This is it. Your work, your dedication, your loyalty, your knowledge, your hold on the subject; nothing matters to these narrow-minded people. I have had two pregnancies and three abortions while I was working. So you can imagine what all I would have had to listen to. And the best part is that the same people who mock you, ridicule you, with the long leave, continuous pregnancy and 'looks work' comments run up to you when in trouble. When your best friends too tease you with these remarks, it is hard to take it. I wish I could say that it'll get better. But I don't see that happening anytime soon.
My husband works in IT industry and the first time I heard some woman in his team getting a bad rating because she was away on leave for most of the year due to pregnancy and delivery, I asked him what kind of a policy does the management follow? Is this right because a bad rating in one year can jeopardise that woman's promotion chances? I was told this is how it happens. People don't know how to take into consideration leaves for pregnancy and hospitalisation. The ones that you have explained are deep rooted prejudices at the work place. Stay strong without the scares. More power to you and all the working women.
I'm in my 60's, and I mention that because I've seen both great change in the workplace here in the United States, and also so much of the "same old same old". It can be discouraging to realize just how much things haven't changed and I feel for you. Stay strong. Alana ramblinwitham.blogspot.com
It can be really tough for a woman in the workplace and like you said, things haven't changed drastically in the recent past. Perhaps though, if we keep speaking up and having our voice heard, just maybe something will change. I am glad you took it up with your manager as you mentioned in Rachna's comment. Never take things lying down. Stand up for what you believe is right. Always.
there's so much hierarchy in India… some with inflated egos always have a need to make sure people are reporting to them… whether they know stuffs or not. The first incident you mentioned about not telling everything, I have seen it so much that at one point I would just go and investigate issues myself instead of asking anyone. Report to manager or their manager if you don't like something. I am sure you are no pushover 🙂
S Having worked in two multinational banks, I can happily say that I faced no such discrimination. But I'm sorry to hear of all you are going through, Naba. Just the other night I was telling my husband about you and other young women of your generation who are ably balancing it all – family, career and yes, even blogging! Stay strong.
I have faced this.. It has been just a year in the IT industry.. And I am the center of all the jokes as I leave early from office.. I come early but no one even acknowledges that… It's just the ones who stay late are considered to be working… I have felt negligible in this work environment and am seriously confused what to do…
As a working women myself,I can relate to all that you have mentioned here.They do expect women to be pushovers.I have seen some of my female colleagues having worser experiences.Makes me feel sad.
I can relate especially to the 'leaving early' experiences. I make it very clear from the beginning that I leave early because I come and that I can take calls from home for a certain period of time. I have also been at the receiving end as being 'aggressive' when being assertive and speaking up for what you believe in. Thankfully I had been blessed with good peers and managers. I always highlighted that I am a working mother and that am very good at what I do. After almost 2 decades in the industry, it helps that I have a lot of incidents to prove my claim.
All I can say is that it get easier. Hang in there.
It's very disappointing and sad. I've seen women in my office bear the brunt from some crazy seniors who don't have the basic knowledge themselves. But, men do face them, at times. I do. Sometimes, I don't put my across and been bullied, too.
Hey Nabanita, I appreciate that you put this down in words and did not let it go hidden.This need lots of courage. Really. I am happy that I have never faced it even after I came back from my ML. May be there are few ones who speak about me leaving early but it doesn't matter until it harms my career.
But yes, if anyone will ever try to bully me, I will not take it. No one should.
It is basic nature of people to differentiate themselves from others. Gender is one variable in this power game. When there are more women in an organisation it slowly changes this thinking process. However, there are instances when men use another new woman employee to try and dislodge a "strong" woman employee. These are games people play….
Very well written, Naba. Especially loved the starting quote. Have you read Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg? If not, you must. Wonderful wonderful read about women and the power dynamic in the corporate world.
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Great post and an honest one. You are right. Women in workforce have seen a lot of biases and fueling of stereotypes. The most common one when I was in IT was that women can't code. I hated that phrase. I tell this many times but I have heard of a manager who rejected a women candidate cos she was married for 2 years and could anytime become a Mum.
I also feel that a lot depends on the company and the kind of culture it is pushing. Even on the team and who your leader is.
I agree to Shantala, read LeanIn.
Well done! So proud of you.
Brilliant post. Raw, to the point and honest
Its very deeply ingrained in minds – male & even female. Females also antagonize & torment female employees. Finally its a constant endeavor to live a guilt free life
Any reassemble to any person, dead or alive ? I think this happens to almost every woman at one point or another in their life.
Well written.
Nice blog… Thanks for sharing!!
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Honest and raw post… women need to stand up and learn to say back-off, indeed. At the same time, also ask herself if it is worth. Go to where you are celebrated instaed of staying put where you are just tolerated. The world is a beautiful place, there are beautiful people around.