Can you imagine the stress of being a working mom during COVID? I have been thinking about this for the past few months and I’m forced to conclude that if being a working mom was tough before the pandemic, it has become more so now. Don’t agree? Well, let me try to convince you then. 

Sheryl Sandberg wrote in Lean In that “Today, despite all of the gains we have made, neither men nor women have a real choice. Until women have supportive employers and colleagues as well as partners who share family responsibilities, they don’t have a real choice.” When working women moved to the work-from-home model with the advent of COVID about 4 months back, it made us realise that choice is often as elusive as the balance we seek. COVID has exposed so many vulnerabilities and shortcomings in our societies. One of those is the ridiculous amount of unpaid housework women do at home, something which everybody including themselves assumes that they need to do. It has also exposed in many cases the apathy of employers towards its workforce. Employers who were quick to announce 2020 as a year of no hikes or bonus payouts while continuing to exert the same, if not more, pressures at work.

I have said it a million times and I’ll say it again, being a working woman, a working mom is not easy at all. It is probably one of those choices that set you on a course for fighting to fulfil your aspirations while also carrying the burden of everyone’s expectations as a woman. In simple words, a woman can be a working woman but she needs to be everything else too. A mom, a wife, a housekeeper too. That’s only how much we have progressed, I suppose.

A woman can be a working woman but she needs to be everything else too. #StrugglesOfAWorkingMom #WorkingMomTruths Share on X

A man, on the other hand, has always only had to focus on his job irrespective of his marital status and whether he is a parent or not. Not to mention how he doesn’t have to prove his worth against some obnoxious prejudice or simply be paid less on account of his gender. That right there is the patriarchal setup that thrives. There are exceptions, of course. Gradually, men have started to contribute towards household chores too but it’s not a norm. Also, most expect accolades at least to do the bare minimum of things they should already have been doing. So, the majority of working women and working moms have to reluctantly put on this cape of being superwomen when all they want is the opportunity to focus on one thing at a time. Yes, no woman wants to be a superwoman because that just is a fancy term for an overworked, underpaid and sometimes unpaid woman.

On any given day, most women have very little choice but to continue taking care of the household and children while trying very hard to swim against the tide of prejudice to make something of themselves as working women. To say that it takes its toll would be an understatement but sometimes the obvious needs to be stated over and over again till it registers in the minds of the powers that be to effect change.

Even before COVID with a maid, household help and the opportunity to go out to work, women were always running against time. Stress was an undeniable aspect then and it has increased manifolds now.

In the past few months of the pandemic, if there is one thing that has become transparent, it’s the fact that a lot of work done by women around the house goes unacknowledged. Men who had absolutely no clue about how much women packed into a single day have now seen from close quarters and on a daily basis what keeps the household functioning seamlessly while they focused only on their jobs or businesses. Some have even started contributing at home but the number is too low to be of any consequence. I say this with utmost humility if you are a man who helps his wife, you, my friend, are an exception and the rest of your tribe do not even realise how by virtue of their gender they are offered advantage on a platter both inside and outside their homes.

Living locked up at home during this lockdown with no household help, women have been working to the bone but even that sometimes doesn’t seem to be enough. It reminds me of swimming against the current. It’s exhausting consuming every bit of energy you have. It just goes to show how much of being a working mom is plain old surviving. 

But I don’t say these things lightly. I have heard enough from men around me, men I work with to know how easy it is for them. Men, unaware of their privilege but quick to advise on time management. I have heard enough from working women around me who tell me they are both mentally and physically exhausted but there is no option for a break. There is no reduction in the needs of the family and the workplaces, the latter hardly ever cared anyway. Why would they now? If anything, the pressures are doubled.

I have heard men say that it has not at all been hard for them since they don’t even have to get up to get their lunch or dinner. It is served at their desk. Many a time the one doing the serving are working women, the stressed out and over-worked working women. I have heard men say that it has actually been easier for them since there is no commute and they only have to do the office work. The luxury, right? To focus only on office work. It sounds like a vacation to me.

How do you expect women to run companies when you have half the time and twice the workload than any man at the same level?

A man can easily sit from morning to late night solely focusing on work. A woman doesn’t have that flexibility. No offence but when you are a mom working from home with a child who always seeks your attention, sitting at one place at a stretch for 8 to 9 hours is a luxury. At work, I would have been able to do that but now I need to navigate my child’s demands on my time as well. The dynamics have changed. When both you and your spouse are working, you don’t get hours after hours at a stretch.

The pandemic has exposed how uneven the tracks men and women run on are. Women need to face so many obstacles that it’s not surprising that many of us just leave the workforce. How long can we fight this system which has been rigged to always put us at a disadvantage?

Even before the pandemic hit us, women never really had the gift of time. But now, without even the option for household help or the option for childcare imagine all that a woman needs to do along with her office work. The chores at home, taking care of children and the stress of office work.

This is the reality of working from home for women during a pandemic. Women are exhausted and will be burnt out soon, if not already.

Not only has the domestic burden borne by women increased manifolds during this pandemic but also the demands at work. Everyone talks about the frontline workers as they should but as always women running households while working from home are silent and often ignored victims. Imagine if tomorrow all women wake up and just do their office work. How do you think households will function? How will the men who get served lunch and dinner at their desk while working from home, work? 

Now, I don’t expect the dynamics at home to change for women in a few months. The percentage of spouses who help is abysmal that leaves a huge number of women overburdened and overworked. But one would expect that the workplaces who bombard your mailboxes with mental health awareness during this pandemic would understand. But who are we kidding, right? If anything, the pressures of work, of doing something over and above the project you are working on has increased manifolds. In short, women are drowning against outrageous expectations at work and the backbreaking work at home.

Work from Home during #COVID: Women are drowning against outrageous expectations at work and the backbreaking work at home. Share on X

Sheryl Sandberg also said that “A truly equal world would be one where women ran half our countries and companies and men ran half our homes.” But that is a utopian notion, isn’t it, especially in our society? How do you expect women to run companies when they have to do everything from cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking care of the kids, teaching them, feeding them and putting them to bed? How do you expect women to run companies when you have half the time and twice the workload than any man at the same level?

Sometimes, I feel there is no point in writing these things over and over again. Nothing changes. The scales are not balanced. In fact, if anything, they are more skewed than they were before.

Any thoughts?