Beyond Utopian Love

Jun 26
NabanitaDhar

I literally fell off my chair today when I read the status of my cousin brother on Facebook. Well it had something to do with love and its idiosyncrasies. Well, don’t get me wrong I do know that the teenage years are full of wild crushes and the newly discovered sensations of love. After all, these are the best years for those stolen glances and unspoken romances. No I am not a skeptic at all when it comes to love. I have had a love marriage after all, so I do know how inviting the idea of finding that one perfect person to have your ownhappily ever after with really is! But what caught me unawares is perhaps the fact that my brother, whom I still considered a baby, had suddenly grown up. Well either I had been aging full throttle or he had just skipped few years landing directly at the Casanova stage of his life. 
What bothered me most though was his update concerning the nuances of love for somewhere I felt it was damaging. I do believe that love is imperative but I also feel that it isn’t the only thing in life or rather shouldn’t be the only thing in life. Our life’s canvass is unquestionably more diverse than that. But my little brother’s Facebook updates spoke of something which culminated to everything or nothing in life for love. Maybe he’s just not so little anymore or maybe I’m just over-reacting! Well I know I probably sound like a grandmother right now but I just feel seriously concerned when I see his, or for that matter anybody else’s updates, about living solely for love! 
A few years back I would have probably not even bothered about all these. Call it what you may- experience or simply life, but I have certainly learnt that it is indeed a grave mistake to only prioritize love in life. If your companion is perfect then well and good, you couldn’t have asked for more. The rest of the things in life then fall into perspective and proceed unhindered. 
But I have also seen friends suffer when led on by their one-dimensional belief in love. I have heard stories of girls suffering for the rest of their lives for sacrificing everything in love. And why only girls, boys too have suffered just the same. People have given up successful careers and sometimes ruined their lives completely in pursuit of this illusive metaphorical love. 
In fact, just today I came to know of a woman who was cheated on by her husband. And that’s not the worst part. The worst part was that she had given up her studies and career to be with this man and bear his child. She had worn clothes that he approved of, abiding by all his whims leaving no room for herself as an individual. And this because she believed in love and that loving him was the singular objective of her life. This utopian notion of love and living for it led her to this stage today. 
Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, it’s definitely not wrong. But perhaps we shouldn’t limit ourselves to only love’s interpretation of life. We shouldn’t make it the center of our universe for if that crashed nothing in the world would be able to save us from the fathomless pit of self-destruction. It is advisable, if I may say so, to have several other priorities and interests in life to fall back on. It couldn’t possibly hurt using a part of our brains too when defining our existence, could it? 
All those teenagers out there, and perhaps each one of us too, should remember that there is more to life than the company of a person who could either turn out to be a blessing or a bane in the near future! When life itself is transient, what makes us believe that love isn’t? Though I’d always like to think otherwise but sometimes it’s not. Perhaps those crazy decisions people end up taking when spurned or deceived in love could be avoided. Perhaps, then in spite of setbacks in matters of the hearts, life would seem as a viable and happier option. So fall in love but don’t fall so hard that it becomes difficult to stand up again!
My moon, my star,
Oh precious gift sheer,
With you around or afar,
Love carries me through life’s pier.
But if one day you disappear,
In life and time all austere,
Tears obscure around sure,
But with hope I’d spend every year,
And won’t give up on life’s allure!
                                            

22 thoughts on “Beyond Utopian Love”

  1. Absolutely! I've fallen in love, got hurt, been heartbroken, cynical and all those painful words. And more than once. But I've stood up and embraced it again. Thankfully I did not do anything stupid. The only thing stupid was the people I dated before 😛

    I always say, its okay to be blind in love. But don't be foolish. Sense it, feel it. Good or bad. What say?

    Thought provoking post as usual. And these youngsters seriously need a crash course on love.

  3. So true. The adrenaline rush that love gives often makes us forget, that the moment we make a person the center of our universe, we are in for many hits by high tides that takes lot of time to heal.
    I don't say not to fall in love.. One must.. and not just in in their teens .. Love doesn't speak age.. so fall in love at any age.. yes be stupid too.. but not so stupid that it takes away ones individuality.

    wonderful post dear.. 🙂

  4. Teenagers are very sensitive. I actually feel today they atleast express them on social media, other wise it is very difficult to find out what is going on in the mind.

  5. ah! that the problem with facebook.. its social media .. not a personal dairy .. btw so well written .. but perhaps that why they are teenagers and that how maturity comes ..

  8. Yes indeed Namrota be stupid in love but not so stupid that it takes away ones individuality!

    Thanks 🙂

  9. Yes they are so sensitive, aren't they? Maybe these day a little too much… I don't know..

  10. Yes I guess that's one aspect some silly mistakes are made on d way towards maturity.. 🙂

    Thanks Ankur!

  11. perfectly pointed out,Naba!
    there is an age when Love stand Supreme ( God knows if we can actually even name it love)
    To me , balancing yourself during this age and giving time to relationships is very important.At 30 , you may get married knowing a person for 6 months , i feel, by then you know the crux of life and you know how to judge things .
    at 18 .. we think we are grown up !! If love is – it will let things move on parallel without being a burden too much !
    I know incidents when people realize after years that they did not ever love eachother ( i mean , they were girlfriends boyfriends and ended up marrying)

  12. Agreed! all of it just seems so complex and at times misread or perhaps misjudged by teenagers leading to a lot of things that could have actually been avoided!

    Thanks again for dropping by !

  14. a very sensible post nabanita. Everyday my facebook is flooded with people posting sentimental..heartbroken status messages…how life has been harsh upon them sortss. I feel pity and sad at the same time. Life is pretty..and should not be made wholly "Love Centric". Fall in love…enjoy it..and if doesnt work..move on. Not just love..that should be the idea with everything.

  16. Exactly Jiggyasa.. There's so much more to life and it should be about a whole gamut of things and not just love or work or something else.

  19. Like a true romantic…. I wish to disagree. Call love fiction…utopian or anything.I know more people who are in love than out of it. Lot of people including me are in love with d feeling of being in love.

    For the teenagers, Love is an experiment. Not all get lucky the very first time. Keep experimenting, you will tumble upon the rt person 😀

  20. hehe ofcourse you can disagree 🙂

    we meet the wrong person before we meet the right person but we need to remember life is precious too as much as love 🙂

  21. Love is an elaborate. term and finds its moorings after it has overcome its initial and deceptive stage of infatuation. I verily approve of your matured approach to this inevitable stage of life awash with love.

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