Dearest Blog,

I have missed you so much. Remember a time when I would write daily? I don’t know how I did it. I wrote throughout my pregnancy. Even after M and joining back work. I somehow managed to write a book too, when M was just a baby. I remember I had just gone back to work then. Between home, office, daycare and multiple other things, I wrote. Despite not having the gift of time, I wrote. Writing and, of course, reading were the two things that kept me sane at a time when I was juggling too many things. Now, when I look back, I can’t imagine how I managed it all. But that’s not the point. Slowly but surely, I can’t find time to write anymore. Well, maybe, if I just scrolled through Instagram reels a little less, I would! But truth be told, I also don’t feel I have anything left to say. But these past few days, I have been itching to write. So, here I am.

Let me tell you about #momspringa, a word, or rather hashtag, I read in a book I just finished, The Overdue Life of Amy Byler by Kelly Harms. It was my Mother’s Day gift which my daughter made my sister buy for me this year, and I enjoyed reading it so much. It is one of those feel-good books that surprises you out of nowhere. You know, one of those feel-good movies you can watch on winter nights with a drink in hand? This book has all the right ingredients for that.

It is the story of a 40-year-old high school librarian, Amy Byler, a single mom of two kids whose life, day in and day out, is about being a mother. Like every mother out there, she doesn’t have the luxury of time, the time she can spend without worrying about little humans who depend on her. Then out of the blue, her husband, who upped and left her and their kids 3 years ago, comes back and asks to be a part of the kids’ lives. One thing leads to another, and Amy finds herself in New York, the subject of a magazine article by her friend, covering her story as a mom who finally finds time for herself, time to do the things she likes and be a person other than just a mom. In short, her momspringa!

Now, I know it might sound cliched, but sometimes cliched is all your heart wants. And I loved every bit of this book. It was funny, spontaneous, and all things good. Sometimes I forget how reinvigorating a feel-good book can be. I have used feel-good thrice, four times now. So, you get my point. 

I also loved the book because as a mom, I have felt and still feel the overwhelming exhaustion of raising and caring for a child. I identified with this throughout the book. Also, with the guilt of feeling relieved when you get those small pockets of time in between when you can just be responsible for yourself. So, do I need a #momspringa? I think I do. I think all moms do.

Will I go for a momspringa?

But will I go for one? Well, never say never. If you ask a mom, she will agree with what I say here. There are days when M sucks every ounce of energy out of me. But at the end of every single day, I need to have M under the same roof as me so that I can sleep peacefully. The only place I have been able to leave her at, for now, is my sister’s. So, I don’t know if I can leave her and go somewhere for a momspringa. This past year, I had to leave her for a week when my dad was in the hospital, and it was hard. But if I’m to be completely honest here, I also felt a sense of freedom that I haven’t felt for a long time. The last time I travelled alone before this was before M was born. In some twisted and messed up way, I relished travelling alone and sleeping without being kicked by a small human for those few days. Of course, I’m also the person who cried buckets when M had that phase of sleeping alone in her room. I’m incorrigible, I know. But, maybe, yes, I need a momspringa. Who knows?

Where would I go for a momspringa?

I think Goa. I would take my Kindle, and my books and check in into a beautiful resort somewhere in South Goa and spend my days reading, sleeping and eating. And yes, drinking too. Swimming as well, if I can learn by then. Fingers crossed! Yes, that’s what I would like if someday I muster up the courage to do it while pushing my guilt to one side. 

It’s not like I don’t do anything just for myself. I read. I read a lot, something I have never given up in transitioning to motherhood. I have also started learning Kathak again, something I look forward to every week. But motherhood is exhausting. Parenting is exhausting, and perhaps, motherhood is a bit more because kids need their moms a lot when growing up, especially at M’s age. To top it all, work stress and everything else that comes with being a responsible adult. So, there are no summer vacations from parenting. You have to be there all the time. You have to show up, day after day, and you do too. You love your children in ways unimaginable and unfathomable. But you get tired. Everyone does. And that’s why perhaps a break is not bad at all. A momspringa! Okay, maybe a dadspringa too, but you need to put in the work to qualify.

Well, that’s all I have to say for today, dear blog. I think I should give you a name. ‘Dear blog’ seems so formal, no? Maybe, in a new post.

Until next time,

Ciao!

#QOTD: For those who read this, tell me, have you read the book I talked about here, and what do you think about a momspringa?