It must be Her!

Jul 26
NabanitaDhar

Writing on women’s issues or talking about them is often perceived as anti-Indian or anti-culture by several men and surprisingly even women in this country. Sometimes I fail to understand how hard is it to actually acknowledge that be it our society or our culture, several notions and dogmas have stemmed out of it, often twisted and bent to favour the patriarchal society that we are part of. And these beliefs have not only caused discomfort but even gone on to pose danger to women’s well-being in general. 
I don’t need to educate you on the rising cases of rapes in our country. I also don’t need to remind you that every time a woman is raped, the questions asked are ‘What was she doing with the man in the first place?’ or ‘It must be due to what she was wearing?’ rather than ‘Who gave him the right to outrage her modesty?’
The infamous khaps or the other so called custodians of Indian culture never fail putting the blame on women when it comes to rapes. But have you ever wondered why this peculiar persistence on the idea that women should not arouse men. Why can’t we say that men need to keep a check on their libidos?
Sometimes the fault lies on the jeans that women wear or the cell phones they carry. Sometimes it is the time of day when she was found alone or her audacity to resist undue advances. At times it is due to her not being married off early enough or even the infamous Chinese delicacy ‘Chow Mein’. Every time with one pretext or the other, it is the woman who is blamed. The man, the supreme man, goes unscathed. 
I’m disconcerted that our society suddenly becomes so well versed in history defending deplorable actions by some men in the guise of protecting, or better yet respecting, archaic traditions. What is needed from them is the acknowledgement of the fact that ‘enough is enough!’ But that apparently seems too much to ask!
There is not a day when there is not even a single report of rape in the newspapers. Infact, for the past week I’ve been waiting for one such day. Just one day! But reality bites! The fact is from a baby being sexually molested to an 85 year old woman’s modesty being outraged; our country manages to do it all. 
Our society seems to be transforming at an alarming rate into a misogynistic haven. Or, perhaps it was already so. And it’s not about the north or south. It’s not about the east or west. It’s about the entire nation that we so proudly refer to as Mother India! A bunch of hypocrites, that’s who we are and quite rightly so.
Tell me what was your reaction the last time you heard of a rape? Think about it. If you felt helpless at not being able to save yet another woman from the clutches of certain savage men, there’s still hope in our country. But if you chose to ask questions about the woman’s presence at the scene of crime or how she came in her molester’s radar, then it’s time we turn back time and start living as savages blatantly. Why put on the sham of a civilized society when we clearly aren’t one? Why put on a façade when clearly every time we accuse the woman saying ‘It must be her’!
Countless women fall victim to rapes every year in our country. Countless women are killed, burnt alive or even muted to ensure that the molesters go scot free. Countless women are discarded by our (un)ethical society for being raped; they carry a burden that should rightfully have been their molester’s. Is it really fair? Think about it.

51 thoughts on “It must be Her!”

  4. Very true. Even I'm still waiting for a day without such news.
    Might have to wait for a lifetime 🙁

  5. I appreciate your anger and the relevance of the points you have raised as far as our collective callousness is concerned. We need to be vehement in protecting our women instead of trying to justify why they should be mauled, abused and killed. Every rape is a blot on our collective conscience and we need to emerge as a nation with the strength of our protective love and might to be the armour for our women.

  6. Well said.. It's really disheartening to hear such kind of news each time we see on tv.. And your topic and its header " It must be her" reminds me of these people who blame the women itself for rape and abuse.. I just couldn't believe when I got comments from highly educated ppl regarding the rape of the physiotherapist in Delhi.. One of the aged doctor said why did she leave so late at night that too with a guy. It's her mistake.. I was shocked.. i tried to convince him but it was so difficult for me to convince him.. I was just astonished to the fact that he said " If I tell my wife and daughter not to go alone at night and if by chance they get raped that night.. Then it will be totally their fault.. I just warn her each time she goes outside.. A women should never leave late at night" That was pathetic.. But we need to speak more on this so that people don't think a women as another abla Naari.. Nice post.. Keep writing..!!

  7. Can't agree with you more! It's always the woman's fault…. For apparent things like the sex of the fetus that are of so clearly a man's doing, the woman is blamed! I have reached a point of frustration where I can hardly talk about it anymore!

  9. I don't know when we will ever get to the point where the woman is not automatically the one blamed for everything while men, who are equally if not more responsible, get off free…

  10. That's reality write.Our denigrating of the women go such to such an extent that Ms. Hillary, the erstwhile First Lady of the US call our culture a 'culture of rape. Disgusting.

  22. Nabanita its very sad to read the newspapers these days. Feel like avoiding them. I believe ours was always a misogynist society. The news articles and TV footage encouragingly suggest at least women have now started reporting the crimes against them. Otherwise earlier the stigma attached to it would just make them hush up the whole thing. We still have a long way to go.

  23. In India from the day a girl child is born there are issues at home , then when she grows up gender discrimination (i.e.)sometimes the brother will be well educated but the girl wont be and then coming down to marriage she is a burden ..and finally if she is on road she is teased at ..if raped its her clothes that they blame..she is always being pointed at.
    This shows that the mind set of Indians is wrong and this is the root cause for all..well written post nabanita. !!

  24. As Bushra pointed out…Its literally painful to switch on a News Channel these days..Its either Politicians shouting , Screaming and being a JackAss..Or else Women all over the wide country getting stalked , molested and raped…The future looks bleak..very soon we would need personal body guards for all our ladies , just like we have domestic helps to help our ladies with…

  25. I have always been blunt no matter how much I am being criticized(yes some do) specifically in India to most of the problems women face there is a women and the entire womankind which is behind it.Having said that, I am not defending those men who are running khaps in villages and men who have an imaginary khap in cities .. Point is spiritual awakening..
    An entire thought process of Indian society is packed with hypocrisy and they who are are huge in numbers .. and we fall short of numbers to take them for a spiritual awakening once and for all..
    I am personally fed up of rape and molestation news .. and forced to believe .. God forbid .. it might happen to any of my female family members too. Constitution wise .. I feel its a weak law which does not give these culprits Capital Punishments..forced intimacy is the murder to the rights of freedom … and while spiritual healing will take it own course, Naba, I believe , this act should have laws as stringent as TADA or POTA ..
    I do not think age should be a bar for a rapist.
    I do feel helpless .. and the non-violent man inside me wishes to break the shackles of decency and asks me to brutally punish the accused in public to send the message straight inside .. who dares this act .. should be ready for the punishment as well .

  26. Naba…well said!! This is sad but true!

    I was having this discussion with one of the fellow bloggers last week (He blogs, is educated) and one of the points he raised was women's clothing. I feel so strongly about this that words may not be enough to express my disgust about it.

    It is always her..even if she is 5 years old!!

  27. Mysay I am glad you feel this way. Yes even I agree a strong punishment to lead the way. Men should be scared…very scared even thinking about crossing the line.

    In addition to this, we need a lot of education. Women and Men both need to come out of the notion of power based on gender. And it should start with each of our households.

  29. An eye opener Naba. The female v/s male starts from the females themselves. 90 % of women in India want to give birth to a boy child. This is were it all begins. But soon the things are changing and may be our coming generations wont be such sycophants like us

  34. Indeed Jack and Sfurti it is high time we change the laws and make the punishment more stringent! Infact we need to implement those as well 🙂

  35. Oh I know what you mean !! Its sad how easy it is for people to put the blame on women and they are not open to reason as well!

  38. well naba,culture never encouraged discrimination.anti-culture in true sense means against morals/ethics.when was the last time,all these bloggers and commenters spoke about their constituency MP,MLA's,CORPORATORS.most of bloggers never speak about lawmakers or politics,they just complain and complain.how many of you vote or have some opinion on candidate contesting in your constituency during election.indians vote for criminals coz most of indians are criminal(corrupt) in certain aspect of life.

    so what kind of governance do ya expect from these criminal lawmakers.these lawmakers protect crime in society coz their very existence is dependent on them.in future,rapes or any crime rate will go up coz of uneven development and culture distortion.

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