Let’s just be honest here. There is no acing motherhood. Ergo, there are no secrets for acing motherhood. If anything there’s just survival.

You do your best and you try to survive. You do your best as a mother because that’s your only choice when you are one. You hold on and you survive.

Of course, in the process, you get to hear things like ‘Why aren’t you fun like daddy?‘. Or, sometimes, ‘I want my Papa. I don’t want you!‘. But you still hold on because you know these little ones can’t survive without you and so you survive for them. Yes, you hold on even with the kicks you are bound to get when you co-sleep with them. The fact that you can’t survive without them? Well, they don’t need to know that.

You could say there is just this need to persist for these little souls that carry your hearts within them. So, no matter how much they tire you out, you are bound to them for better or worse.

Anyway. Let’s get a little serious now, shall we?

While there might not be any sure way to navigate this challenge of motherhood, there might still be some ways to deal with it in a manner which retains your sanity. You just need to find that particular way that works for you.

I have been a mother for a little less than 4 years now. In my time of seeing a part of me grow outside of me, I have realised that I can’t be any good as a mother if I’m not happy as a person. Also, it will do me no good if all that I am is a mother. This means that if I allow motherhood to completely consume me, I can never give my best to my daughter. So, for everything to fall into place I should value my happiness despite being a mother. Something we tend to forget.

I can't be any good as a mother if I'm not happy as a person. #MommyTalks Share on X

What all the jargon above means is that me being happy is imperative to my being a good mother to my daughter. Which means I need to do whatever it takes to ensure that when I’m with my daughter, I can be there without regrets. Ergo, I need to do whatever it takes to hold on to any semblance of sanity which you will agree motherhood tends to put tremendous pressure on.

Most importantly, I need to remember that I’m only human and can make mistakes or be confused even as a mom. One doesn’t become omniscient just on account of giving birth though that would have been a good thing considering all that we go through during pregnancy and childbirth. Anyway. The crux of this is that I can get angry, lose my temper and yet be a good mother to my daughter. Surprise, surprise!

I can get angry, lose my temper and yet be a good mother to my daughter.

A mother never has to be perfect. She can just as well be a flawed person trying to be the best mom she can be. When she realises that, she finds her way to deal with motherhood.

But how does one survive motherhood?

Well, there can be many ways. There’s no one right way.

It could be a glass of wine at the end of the day that gives you the much-needed respite from mommy duties. It could also be an afternoon nap. A day out with your girlfriends or even a date night with your husband or partner. Surviving this thing called motherhood essentially lies in the simplest of things. It lies in doing those things that make you who you are apart from this all-consuming thing that motherhood somehow inevitably is.

For me, it’s reading. I read every night, even if it’s just for 5 minutes before I fall asleep. It’s reclaiming time for myself and I do it religiously. Of course, the amount of time naturally decreases once you are a mother but the trick is to reclaim anything and everything you can.

The idea is to accept what is and make the best of it. Just like anything else in life, I suppose. I’m trying to do that myself as well.

Up to a few months ago, I struggled with accepting the fact that M might not want to eat a full meal every night. I can’t tell you the meltdowns I have had just because she refused to have dinner. I somehow had this notion that I had to feed her a proper meal every night and anything other than that was not acceptable.

I have now gradually tried to not let it pester me. I still don’t feel happy when she doesn’t eat as much as I think she should but I have managed to hold back my meltdowns. That’s not to say that we don’t have some sort of argument during dinner every other day what with M not ready to sit still while eating. But it’s manageable.

Now when she says she doesn’t want dinner, I try to see if she has at least a glass of milk that night instead of making it a full-blown issue. Also, I don’t mind letting her eat Maggi on some nights when she insists. I do what’s convenient for me and also non-confrontational. Well, on most days.

Each of us mothers needs to find our own normal. Since M is a fussy eater, I cannot panic seeing other kids who eat well. My normal is whatever she eats as long as she is full and well. Less unnecessary confrontation, happier mom and daughter. It’s as simple as that.

Another thing that helps me survive is that I have consciously decided to not burden her with extracurricular activities. Thus, not overwhelming myself as well with unrealistic timelines and expectations.

Each of us mothers needs to find our own normal.

The other day a fellow mom asked me if I’m doing so because most moms she knows have their kids enrolled in so many pursuits.  Honestly, for me, that is not a priority right now and that’s alright. I think unless M decides she has an interest in something, I am not going to push her for any extra classes or lessons. And I learnt this in a very practical way as well.

A couple of months ago I had enrolled M in Kathak classes thinking that since she loves dancing she will enjoy the classes as well. When I took her there, I realised I had made a mistake. She didn’t leave me for a minute when there. So, after about 3 classes in which she cried every time I tried to leave her with the teacher, I stopped. I think it needs to come from her and when it does I will do everything I can to fulfil her wishes. For now, she’s just happy dancing at home and at her daycare which makes me happy too. Again, that’s my normal. My way of surviving motherhood.

Like I said before, it all comes down to accepting yourself and your circumstances while doing the best within that. That’s all there is to life and even to motherhood.

Do you want to do better? Absolutely. But should you let some unrealistic standard or goal mute the happiness that you currently are lucky to have? No.

A happy mom means a happy child. It is as simple and as complicated as that. #MommyTalks Share on X

Acing motherhood is just a fancy name for surviving this roller-coaster ride of parenting as a mother when you already are overburdened, overworked, undervalued and most times underpaid.

So, fellow moms, go ace motherhood in your own way and while doing so remember that it all boils down to a being happy mom. A happy mom means a happy child. It is as simple and as complicated as that.

Makes sense?