2018 is coming to an end. I can’t quite believe it? But I say that every year, don’t I? Seriously though, wasn’t it just yesterday that I was in a hotel room in Chennai with my family waiting for the Y2K bug to hit? And bam,18 years have passed by already! I’m a mother now, have been for 3 years, and not entirely sure if I have been actually good at it. So, let’s do some introspection, shall we, on how 2018 has been as a mother for me and how I wish 2019 turns out to be?
What Kind Of Mom I Want To Be In 2019
You know one of the things I’ve learnt in my limited experience as a mother is that there is no such thing as a perfect mom. There are just moms and each mom is perfect in her own way, just that she doesn’t know it or doesn’t remember it much. Hard to when you are running around with your dark circles but trust me that’s the God’s honest truth. Each mom just keeps trying and trying to achieve a version of perfect in her own way without giving herself a break. Failing at times, succeeding at times but trying at all times to be the best mother she can be. Now, often that vision of perfection is her own mom. The same is true for me. My version of perfect is to be a mom just like mine though I’m not sure if I can ever be.
What Kind Of Mom I Want To Be In 2019....#momlife #moms Share on X
One of the most remarkable qualities of my mother is that she is really, really patient which means she doesn’t just fly off the handle when we don’t do what she wants us too. As a mom, as a person even, I’m nothing like her. Always impatient and therefore often angry, that’s what I am many a time as a mom. That’s what I have been as a mom in 2018. And honestly, I’m not sure I like this version of mom that I am.
But why am I like that?
Being a mom is a stressful job. Yes, it’s a job, a full-time job with no leaves, though the cuddles and kisses you get with it are totally worth it. Still, that doesn’t make it any easier. Moms are humans. Moms get tired, exhausted really, but there’s no shut off time. So, it’s but natural that our stress manifests as how we react to our kids. The same thing happens to me. When I look back at the year that passed by, I realise that many times I’ve scolded M when all she was doing was being a kid. And all because I was stressed and tired. Now, I know I’m human and it happens. But I really want it to happen lesser in 2019. I don’t want M to think of her mom as someone who is quick to get angry. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy or that I’m going to suddenly change into this calm version of myself, but I can try. Can’t I?
If you ask me I would rate myself as a 5 or a 6 as a mom in the past year. So, I want that to improve in the year that is to come. I want to be a happy mom, not a stressed mom. I cannot sustain this. So, if I have to be working while being a decent mom to M, and doing all the other things that I have to do on a day to day basis, I have to try to be a little less stressed, a little more relaxed in my routine. Now, I can’t control the external factors, the manager who is a pain in the rear or the dreams that don’t pan out, but I can presumably control my reaction to all these. My husband would probably laugh if he reads this. Controlling reactions proactively isn’t really my forte. But you know what, I’m going to make an effort to do that.
So, this mom wants to be slightly more patient in the new year. This mom wants to have fun with her little girl. This mom wants to fill her little girl with so much love that she doesn’t even know she has. No resolutions for me just a vision to be a better version of the mom that I’m to M now. Of course, the daily struggles will continue but if I can only tweak this aspect in me, tighten a few screws, it could go a long way in making me happy and M too on so many levels.
All I want for 2019 is to inch slightly closer to the best version of mom that I can be to M. Sounds about right, doesn’t it?
Tell me, what’s that one thing in which you were not so great in 2018 and want to be slightly better at in 2019?
It’s great to strive to be the best mom that you can be while seeking to improve on the great qualities that make you awesome in the first place.
Being a mom can be very stressful I agree so cheers to your goal of being more patient come 2019. Please work it out as you also become patient with yourself too.
Oh yeah, stress takes the control of moms and changes our reactions to situations. I behaved badly in 2018. And I was so upset and guilty about it. Because as a mom to my first born when he was a toddler, I did much better. My little one saw the worst in me. I, who was always a patient, calm and reasonable mom, became an angry, irritable, frustrated, stressed out one. I did make some conscious changes and saw me behaving calmly to the same situations. Without stress we are all much better. Now to get a handle on that stress is not easy always.
This is my goal every day, to be patient with my kids. I’m sure with constant reminder we can be a better mom our kids deserve. But while you are at it, please be kind to yourself. I’m telling that to myself every day. It’s a struggle but if we are not kind to ourselves we can’t be kind to our children either.
Wishing you and M a very happy 2019. ❤️
What have you implement, Vinitha to help you be less stressed? I keep trying and failing and feel like the worst mother in the world. I know we have to be kind to ourselves but I feel that I’m not doing justice to M.
I am still a work in progress, Naba. Stress is getting the better of me. But I tell myself to be calm and remind myself to show the loving side of me to my baby. It’s a struggle. Yesterday again I took my anger on my little one. Well, he did something bad, but I didn’t have to get so mad. If I catch myself before getting angry, I react much better to a bad situation. Keep reminding yourself that you are a good mom, write it down, and imagine how your M would want to remember you and her childhood. That will be a good motivation to keep stress away when kids behave not just the way we want them to be.
I know it’s not a foolproof strategy, but that’s what helping me.
You are a good mom, Naba. Your posts are always a reflection of it. ❤️
Vinitha recently posted…Losing to Self-doubt #MondayMusings
Let me tell you it is hard to be a patient mom of a 3-year-old, with or without the responsibilities and work pressure you have. 3-year-olds are fun to be with and yet they can be highly capable of pressing the wrong nerves and often. I want you to know you will eventually be a patient mom since you are aware of yourself.
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One thing I want to work on is loving my self more and better! I have put myself second to many people in my life and it is going to stop in 2019!
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It sounds like you have it all planned out for 2019. I wish you the best of luck in being the Mum you want to be in 2019! You can do it!
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I think all that moms should aspire to be is the best mom they can be. Being a mom is hard work…and it is important to recognize that keeping a human alive, molding it and loving it is a damn hard thing to do.
I perfectly understand the crux of being a good or a bad mom. There’s nothing like a perfect mom. I am a mom of two and I am the referee at all times. In so many years I have learnt the art of patience but I am still so far. Parenting is an ongoing learning process.
I am afraid of being a mom tbu. I do not know if I could take care of those lovely cute things
Hey Naba, you are doing the best you can to your abilities… Please don’t be so harsh on yourself. I am sure you are an excellent mom and an employee as well. Maintaining a balance is extremely hard but you are doing it. Hope the next year is less stressfull for you. Hugs!
I have thought so much about this same question. I am due to have our first kiddo in April and was amazed by how quickly my perspective changed when we found out I was pregnant. I immediately (even when she was the size of a poppyseed) started reflecting on the type of role model I wanted to be for her. Best of luck to you in the New Year!
I’m not a mom, I can only imagine all the stress and high expectations during this phase. Whenever I consider the idea of being a mom, everything changes. I definitely would live differently. I would want to protect the baby and do whatever is best for him or her. Motherhood is complicated, so a big round of applause to all the mommas out there. Great post!
Merry Christmas!
XO
Candace
http://www.thebeautybeau.com
One of the things I plan to work on next year is the type of Mom I am. It is tough and there are times when I feel like I can do so much better.
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I completely agree with all of this, I’m I. The exact same boat. I’m trying to focus on putting less pressure on myself and staying in moment to help me be more relaxed. Try not to judge yourself too much! It’s a hard job and the fact that you worry about doing it right means you’re doing better than you think you are!
Hope all of your plans works and happen next year. So much love and respect to all moms in the world. Happy holidays everyone
The years go by so much quicker when you have little ones! Being a mom is super hard, especially when they are young. I lose my patience sometimes too. I think what works for me is removing myself. If they are arguing, crying over nothing, or just overwhelming me I’ll walk away for a few minutes and pray that they don’t follow me lol.
I am very excited for you and I know you will be a great Mom on your own unique way. You’ll be a fabulous Momma!