Why do we Eulogise people after they die?

Jul 9
NabanitaDhar
Death comes to one and all; to the rich and the poor; to the weak and the strong; to the good and the bad. Yes, it is without a doubt the greatest equalizer of all. In this temporal world, where everything has to be fought and strived for; death has the uncanny quality of being within the reach of each and every individual. Thus without a doubt it is the inevitable truth of our existence. It is the inescapable culmination of everything that we know of; everything that is ‘us’; everything that we call ‘life’. It is the end, perhaps, of a journey or a start of another; nobody knows! But whatever the case; it is extremely powerful, for it changes equations and lives just by its touch!
As human beings we have this innate quality to scrutinize anything and everything which is done either by our own acquaintances or sometimes strangers we hardly know about. Leave aside our kith and kin, even cricketers, Actors, Politicians or famous personalities are not spared. It’s perhaps not our fault but just the way we are made by the unseen force above.
But it is equally interesting to notice that the moment a person dies, we tend to see everything related to him in a different light altogether. We eulogies him and we remember and talk only rosy details about him. But why the sudden change? It is the same person we would have so gladly dissected a few days or even hours earlier. Why then this change in outlook? Do we really need to wait for a person to be engulfed within the arms of death for us to start concentrating on his positives?
Why are we so critical of everything and everyone around us? Think about it our annoying boss at office would suddenly transform into a man with angelic wings if out of the blue he passes away; wouldn’t he? Is it our inability to look beyond the obvious abrasive markers?
A colleague with whom you are always at daggers drawn becomes a close associate if misfortune strikes him. All we can then recall are the moments which were perhaps not as bad as once interpreted. Do we really need to wait for a life to be lost to treasure precious moments?
We all have friends we would have fallen apart from; friends whose mistakes and hurtful words remain constant reminders at every juncture of life. We might, at a certain point, have been very close to them and hence the burden of unhealed wounds for a life time. Hatred and avoidance become our tools to fight off these demons of pain and betrayal. Such are the workings of our mind that we don’t even want to give a second chance to a friendship we once had held so dear. And then if one fine day the same friend passes away all we would be left with are good memories; unfinished memories! Yes, we would live on with remorse and all upsetting reminiscences would magically fade off. It is only the good times spent together that would live on. Why? Wouldn’t it be a little too late? Would it be right to say that due to our failure to mend ways in time, we take the help of eulogy; of kind words for the dead? Perhaps!
Life as we know it today is like a carriage moving at infinite speed. Time is something that we all tend to fall short of whether it is for our loved ones or for our own selves. We have become so mechanical in our day to day dealings that sometimes it is months; at times even years before we even manage visits to our parents! Feelings and emotions that was once conveyed regularly and with ease now depend on the elusive holidays to be shared with our loved ones. So when time and life deal their deadly blows to us by taking away people we hold so dear, it is then that we realize the fathomless ocean of thoughts and feelings that remain unexpressed. How do we reach out to them? How do we tell them that we did care? Is it then that we take the chance to open our hearts out and talk about the recollections and feelings that now remain the only straw to hang on to them!
Death like birth is often thought of as sacred. Perhaps it is the fear of the unknown or just the apprehension of something that hasn’t been gauged to this day. When we lose a person to this reality which to this day is a mystery, a sudden realization sets in. Our hearts are abruptly bombarded with insights that perhaps we could have dealt with the person better; or perhaps the man was not that bad after all! But why, can’t we comprehend these without a date with death?
The ability of death to evoke a sense of loss and sympathy coerces us to suddenly change our entire evaluation of a person. We forgive all misgivings and look beyond the scars. Yes, we have the ability to be bigger human beings, to relinquish all grudges but it takes something as potent as death to bring out this side of ours. Is it then that we eulogise, to feel good about ourselves or to hide our guilt of not saying when we actually could have?

37 thoughts on “Why do we Eulogise people after they die?”

  1. I agree with you. We eulogise the dead. But it is sad that when people are alive and dead we sometimes do not bother about them and are also rather unkind to them. I feel that this "not speaking ill of the dead" is more driven by self preservation than by respect for the person who has passed on. May be we are scared of the unknown and we feel that if we say something bad about the dead they may rise from their graves and strike back! We also refuse to accept some leaders as persons and when they die they become angels/ god or whatever…!

    Meera
    (http://meerareflections.blogspot.com
    http://meeratales.wordpress.com

  2. Yes..The fact that our actions are more inclined or driven with an eye towards our own self – satisfaction or happiness, it is not untrue that we don't speak ill of the death out of fear..

    Thanks Meera for dropping by!

  3. a very sensible question that you have come up with Nab. A person may be sorrounded by criticism, condemnations all his life…but soon after his death he becomes a Good Man! This is human psyche. I agree very much with Meera Sundarajan here. We may get scared by the idea of the ghost haunting us if we speek anything evil about the dead. Also, We all fear death. The feeling of remorse and sympathy, upon a demise, heavies our heart to such an extent, that we utter nothing but only Good words.
    very ncie post Nab 🙂

  4. I agree.Death and change of mind-set go hand in hand. In fact an incorrigible scoundrel becomes an angel upon his death. Human beings are enigmatic animals indeed.

  5. Its nice to see someone address this point finally. I totally agree Naba. Lets take the example of Jiah Khan for instance. Suddenly there are pictures and details about her everywhere, while nobody gave a rats-ass about her when she was alive. You feel sad you know. When you can eulogize someone after their death, why not speak a kind word about them while they were alive. Maybe the extreme step could have been prevented then.

    Homosapiens are a crazy breed indeed.

  6. well.. this is something which made me a little more sensible toward people around me and I stopped judging and criticizing people to great extent.. Even Gaddafi and Osama,after death, are not criticized that bad..Its human !!
    This is quite thoughtful,the tyranny of mortality!And yes human beings think and love regretting … all of us .. hence once we know one cannot come back .. we recall only his/her for the nice things ! Strange human attribute.Hatred perishes with the body.

  7. Thanks Jiggyasa…Indeed it is fear and sometimes just plain apathy that makes us do that!

  13. aha .. every action is driven to make our social image .. that what i hate about this society .. self image is so much diluted .. every one is busy making second one .. If I may suggest please once do read a book "The Road less Traveled " by M Scott Peck

  14. it happens….i dunno why…may be we tend to fear or respect death…so a person who dies automatically gains our sympathy….it is an intriguing question u ask

  16. Well I guess we as individuals are very selfish n thts one of d reasons for the things we do…

  26. My reply disappeared too Purba…! Here I was so elated that I got a comment from Purba Ray and now that's gone 🙁 ..
    There is some problem with my FB comments widget I think… comments I read/make using .au domain disappear..have no clue why..!

  27. I was actually thinking about this a few years back. Somehow we feel that one must not speak ill of the dead. But why go overboard with the praises? I find it irritating that death seems to erase a person's crimes and suddenly a halo appears on their heads.

  28. I agree Rachna…Not speaking ill, well I can somewhat try and understand that but going overboard with showering praises its a little too much I guess..

  31. See – if we praise a person who is alive we fear he may come and ask us for favors or if we praise the person in front of third person, there is fear that the third person may consider that person superior to yourself and maybe give an opportunity you are seeking to the other person. But no such fears with dead person. Anything good you say does not help the dead person in anyway but shows only yourself in good light boosting your public image.

  32. True that can very much justify why we do what we do! Image conscious people that we are and also the fact that we don't like giving away favors!

    Thanks TF!

  33. Yes, Nabanita, it is indeed a pity that people wait for some calamity (sometimes the fatal one) to patch up their problems.

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