One of the things that bother me is the lack of women in the higher echelons of power anywhere. Doesn’t it bother you? It must, especially if you are a woman. You’ll find the boys’ club prevalent everywhere, walking about in their suits on hot summer days as well, back-slapping their buddies, promoting each other even during the pandemic when “business is bad” but you’ll not find a girls’ club in the corridors of power. Hardly a few women and they too would be fighting to retain their seats at the table. The number is low, so abysmally low and I’ll tell you where we went wrong and keep repeating it day in and day out. We punish women for their biology. We punish women for getting married and having children because while a man gets married and becomes a parent too, it falls on the woman to balance her career along with taking care of her children and their home. We choke women out of the workforce or we make them think that it is the best option available for the good of their family. And then we wonder why women give up jobs on marriage and motherhood while men don’t feel any pressure to do so. Why women have to choose between marriage, motherhood and career while men don’t have to?

Here is an excerpt from an article in the Deccan Chronicle to impress upon this point:

“A shocking 20 million Indian women quit jobs between 2004-05 and 2011-12. While 24 million men joined the workforce between 2004-5 and 2009-10, the number of women in the workforce dropped by 21.7 million. … Archaic social norms and a patriarchal society force women to quit work in India after marriage and motherhood”

We choke women out of the workforce! #FeministMondays Click To Tweet

So, suppose we educate all girls. Suppose they all land a job. Why is it then that all the years of education and their parents’ hard-earned money spent on it is forgotten when she has to move to another city as a dependant? Why are women’s education and careers so dispensable? It is because women are constantly told that it is the right way of things. But it is not, is it? It might have been acceptable once but it should not be so now. No woman should have to give up her job or become a dependant just because it is the most convenient option for everyone involved.

Why women give up their careers on getting married or becoming mothers? #FeministMondays Click To Tweet

I get that some women take the decision after weighing the pros and cons but why is it only the women who make such sacrifices in most cases? It is almost as if the ill-effects of marriage and parenthood are a woman’s to bear. Or, is educating women still just one of the things we do to ensure that they get married to a “good” guy? Why do we give up our jobs? Why do women give up jobs but most men don’t feel the need to, not even in their wildest of dreams? Tell me.

Imagine, if men also had to take breaks to raise their children and take care of the house. Imagine, if men had to give up their jobs and move to other cities or even abroad as dependants. And I do not talk about the exceptions here. Imagine, if men had gaps in their resumes due to having kids and getting married. Then the employment gap problem would be a male problem as well and it would be solved without having to fight every generation for it. If men would have to even contemplate giving up their careers, the entire work ecosystem would be so designed that they never had to do it in the first place. But as women, we are unimportant because it is still a man’s world after all. We are made to think that we decide to give up our jobs ourselves, jobs that we probably had to work hard to get in the first place, to fulfil the other duties which essentially make men’s lives easier.

It is the same as the period problem or the strange need for regulating women’s bodies. Each of these is a woman’s problem and hence they are such big problems, all designed to keep us in our place.

I have seen a lot of women who are equally educated as their husbands, if not more, stepping down because their children are too small. Or, they resigned because their husbands had offers in places where they didn’t have any option to work in their respective fields or there was no work visa. Our society has brainwashed us to such an extent that most of the time we give up for the sake of the family. Where does that leave us? What about our aspirations as a person? Many a time women make such choices just to avoid tension or conflicts at home. But why does the onus of maintaining peace fall on the woman? Why do women do this? Why do women always sacrifice? Why do we let patriarchy win every time?

Over the years I have come across several women who have given up their jobs and their financial security because the family’s needs were more important. It’s all good when everything goes well but what if something goes wrong, then what? I think as long as possible, women should hold on to their jobs. Women giving up jobs must be the last option. Women giving up financial independence must be the last option. It’s okay to live for the ones you love but it is equally important to live for yourself too. Isn’t that so?

Giving up jobs must be the last option. Giving up financial independence must be the last option.

I don’t say all this to judge the women who have had to do so. The point is that is what women have been led to believe is the right thing to do when it is not. If anything it is the perpetuation of one-sided sacrifice. Women have been taught to believe that raising children is our purpose and in being our husbands’ support system lies our worth but what if it is more than that? Think about it. 

You spend so many years of your life studying to land a job and then you give it up because that is the most “viable” option. But what if it isn’t? What if you wake up 20 years down the line, your children are grown and you think what now? What about your goals as an individual? Why is it that a woman stops being an individual after marriage or motherhood while a man still retains his individuality?

Why can’t men work reduced hours to help women retain their jobs while also ensuring together that their children, parents and homes are taken care of? Let the men not move abroad if their wives can’t work there. Let the men sacrifice their free time and put in more hours in the unpaid household work to help women have careers too. Will they do it? It is probably the harder option for the family because everyone has to sacrifice something. This is also the reason why more often than not it is the least preferred option. The easier option is to make the woman give up something because she would already be used to it. Whether consciously or not, that is what happens. I’m not even saying that all men make their wives give up their professions forcefully. Many women do it readily and without protest and that is what should stop. Isn’t it time that women learn to appreciate their value?

We can have all the policies for gender diversity. We can focus on getting girls into schools and getting them jobs but it all fails if women give up on their careers after a certain point because the not-so-glamourous aspect of raising a family is thought to be only a woman’s work. Think about it. Choosing to retain your career in whatever capacity doesn’t mean you don’t love your children or your family, it just means all the years of hard work you put in, your parents put in is valuable and indispensable too. Shouldn’t women giving up jobs stop being the path of least resistance?

Think about it.