Dear Blog,
How have you been? We didn’t meet at all in August, did we? Well, what can I say? July leading up to August was hectic. I had the opportunity to perform on stage after years. But what made it even more special was sharing this experience with my daughter, as it was also her first-ever Kathak stage performance. It was a dream come true for someone who has fantasized about dancing and becoming a good dancer since childhood.
Reliving the Magic of Nirmiti 2024: A Journey of Growth and Learning
Years ago, when I gave up learning Kathak to focus on my studies, I never imagined I would get another chance to learn, let alone perform. But the universe conspired to ensure that I could restart even at this stage in life. Is it too corny to believe George Eliot’s quote that it’s never too late to be where you might have been?
Restarting My Kathak Journey
If I could turn back time, I would have never stopped learning. But hindsight is always 20/20, right? But the universe offered me another way to stay close to Kathak, and that was through my daughter. I always knew if I could nudge M towards one classical dance form, it had to be Kathak. Even then, it never crossed my mind that I could learn too. I mean, how could I with work and everything else in between? When I started looking for Kathak classes for M once she was old enough, I thought I could start again. That’s when, after months of searching post-COVID-19, I found out about Sunatya in 2022, and there was no looking back. I enrolled M and quickly registered myself as well. Since then, for that one day every week in the dance class, I have lived my childhood dream of continuing to learn Kathak. Sometimes, I wonder how life would have been different if I had pursued Performing Arts. But life doesn’t work on ifs and buts.
The Challenges of Restarting
While restarting my Kathak journey is special, it is anything but easy. My body isn’t the same anymore. The one-step chakkars that easily came to me as a little girl are harder now. It also doesn’t help that finding the time or the energy to practice after juggling multiple roles is anything but straightforward. But I keep telling myself not to be disheartened. As long as I get to do this for myself, I think I’ll get there eventually. Didn’t Lao Tzu wisely say that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step?
The Joy of Performing
So, dear Blog, I was overjoyed when my Guru told me I could perform in our bi-annual show, Nirmiti 2024. Trust me, from March to August 3rd, the day of the show, I have lived and breathed only Kathak. Even when I woke up in the middle of the night, I would go back to sleep rehearsing the steps in my head. I would keep listening to the compositions we were to perform. That is how eager and excited I was. Apart from one day when I was out of town, I didn’t miss even one practice session. I would go from home to practice to the office, even on working days. I guess, when you yearn for something so strongly, you go the extra mile. I’m glad I did.
There is immense satisfaction from within when you get to do what you love. I was basking in that all through the first few months of this year. And then something even better happened. I saw M also falling in love with dancing. She only went to the dance classes for me, but ever since Nirmiti, I think I have converted her too. I saw her watch the other batches rehearse in awe. I saw her clap at the compositions she loved. I saw her fall in love with Kathak, and my heart was overjoyed.
On August 3rd, I got to perform and see M perform. I watched her from the wings and couldn’t believe this little human of mine was doing and enjoying something I love too. It was such an overwhelming experience. I’m not a great dancer. I know my shortcomings. It is very emotional for me to be able to go on stage. Dance is not just something I do. It is one of my first loves. I might not be the best at it but I can still love it with all my heart. Right? I still remember my first stage performance and all the performances after. And even after giving up, I have always longed to dance on stage but never thought it would happen again. So, when I could, I was overcome with emotions. So much so that after the show ended, I couldn’t stop my tears because I didn’t want it to end. I was so sad that it was over. It’s amusing how much I miss the rehearsal sessions now and the camaraderie with my fellow performers. I was on a dopamine high all these months leading up to the show. I noticed the same in M as well. I could see she would remember this performance and experience fondly too. It was truly a joyous mother-daughter experience.
Dear, Blog, before August, I was busy with the preparations. After the show though, I was trying to make sense of a certain vacuum that had crept into my routine without the practice sessions, which is strange considering I don’t have much free time. I felt bereft without the thrill of anticipation and the exhaustion of practice. Who would have known? So, yes, that is why I have been missing out here.
When I look at the photos and videos of Nirmiti 2024, I wish to relive the event again. The experience was magical but for me, it also highlighted areas where I need to improve. Achieving the level of excellence I aspire to requires time and dedication. Although I’m not yet where I want to be, I am determined to try. Maybe by the next show, I’ll get better at it. Slightly, perhaps?
Looking Ahead
You know, dear, Blog, after the show, I had to revisit what I had previously learned, as it seemed I had forgotten everything. My fellow dancers assure me it is a common experience; our entire focus shifts to the performance pieces for months leading up to a show. It’s a continuous cycle of living and learning.
Time will reveal if I can improve my dancing abilities. For now, I think I can enjoy the afterglow of Nirmiti 2024. However, I must not rest too much, as there are still miles to go before I sleep.
That is all for today, dear Blog.
Ciao!